Westley feels warm, and not just baby-warm -- fever-warm. He had shots on Tuesday (happy 4-month birthday, bub!), and just like I did two months ago after his first round of vaccines, I've been watching him like a hawk. A guilt-ridden, slightly freaked-out mama hawk.My gut tells me that it's wrong to inject anything into a perfectly healthy baby, never mind scary-sounding and potentially harmful substances. Vaccines certainly aren't vegan, and they don't exactly go along with my general suspicion of anything medical. I did everything I could to increase my chances of having a natural child birth. I worried about taking ibuprofen for postpartum cramps. So why on earth am I having my child injected with viruses grown in chick embryos?
Our vegan-friendly, pro-extended breastfeeding, homeopathic pediatrician highly recommends vaccinating. We chose Westley's health care providers because we liked and trusted them, and specifically because they didn't take the position of "I'm the doctor, you're not, and you'll do as I say. End of discussion." I did as much research on my own as I could manage to do. Every time I read something in the anti- camp, I was adamant: We will so not be vaccinating. And then I'd read something from the pro- side, and change my position completely. Back and forth. The more I researched, the more confused I became.
So I decided to have faith in the experienced professionals whom I had trusted to help me make decisions about my son's health. The experienced professionals who have seen kids' health seriously and tragically compromised by preventable diseases. For me, the risk of disease outweighed the risk of vaccination.
And yet.
I can't imagine a worse feeling than holding your screaming baby in your lap, trying to nurse him while a stranger pokes him with needles, praying that the breast milk (along with the Tylenol) will magically make everything OK. And nothing will fill you with self-doubt like scrutinizing your grouchy and feverish child afterwards, looking for any change in demeanor or behavior. And then there's the National Vaccine Injury Compensation Program, which is enough to make anyone at least a little suspicious.
In the end, the parent has to wade through all of the uncertainty and make a judgment call. One way or the other, there is risk. Right now, Westley is fine. I have to trust that he's going to continue to be fine. I'll remain skeptical on matters of medical intervention, but I have to believe that I'm doing the best I can at weighing the risks on my son's behalf. Because some day, he will be taking risks for himself -- and then I'll really have something to worry about.
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