The Stress

I have a sick feeling in my stomach... And NO, it's not that. I'm not feeling my normal, chipper, optimistic self. It's like I'm at a crossroads, but there's like 12 different ways I could go... And my head feels like it could EXPLODE if I think of them all. Career, family, life... Everything is spinning.

I hate being a girl... That's what I blame my emotional swings on... The fact that I'm a woman. I swear today I woke up in the WORST mood. Then I eventually got better and got over whatever was making me mad. I was really happy, then I got mad again. Hormones--I hate you! go away! ...And take Aunt Flow with you!

I just feel so confused right now. I don't understand how I can have so much of my life "planned" and in order but still feel so completely all over the place! I hate it!

I feel like the things that define me now... Aren't exactly how I want to be defined. I use to be so ambitious and want to conquer... Everything and lately I'm feeling contempt, and kind of boring... Or the things I do want to achieve I don't feel like I can. But I don't want to be boring. I hate boring!

I'm usually the kind of woman that sees the glass half-full, I'm optimistic, and feel like it CAN be done... But right now I feel like I can't do ANYTHING. I can't achieve my goals... I can't make new ones, I can't get anything done, and I feel like I'm in over my head with the simplest of tasks... And I don't even have to take care of anyone but myself...

A year ago if you asked me where I wanted to be a year from then I would have said working in a bigger city and making more money. Last week I would have said I wanted to start [expanding] our family... Today, I'm just not sure. I HATE going back and forth, I feel silly, but I feel like I shouldn't be so confused.

I don't get it. I feel like I've been doing better on the spiritual side of things, and now this? My only guess is that the Adversary wants to work harder to bring me down. I know God won't give me anything I can't handle, but sometimes I think He pushes my limits.

A really hot guy once told me "You're too blessed to be stressed" and I try to remember that... But it's not always easy.

I wish I could be one of those people who just lives life as it goes, seeing where life takes them, not worrying about where they land. I'm kind of too much of a control freak. I like to know what's going on, where I'll be next week, next month, next year. And I like to plan accordingly.

I hate encountering this side of myself, it makes me feel pathetic.