I came across a popular post I wrote on Myspace three years ago. I was very passionate and upset at how so many people I was around were asking things like "How many kids do you have?--Oh" It was getting quite annoying. Now can I preface this and say my mind has changed a lot since then? I was very opinionated at this time about all the people around me who were pregnant and telling me I should be too. I felt like all the while I was trying not to be judgemental these people had no right to judge ME. That is what inspired this rant:
Thursday, August 10, 2006
What is wrong with women these days? (This may seem offensive)
Ok... not that I am being judgmental or anything because everyone is entitled to an opinion. So don't take what I am saying in an offensive way.
I am so annoyed with how many women here in Utah (especially Utah County) are such cop-outs. Ok... that is a harsh phrase to use. Let me better explain myself...
I don't understand why so many women just say "I don't want to work so I'm going to have kids." Kids are wonderful blessings but that doesn't mean you have to have them when you are 21. And don't give me this "well you may not be able to have kids when you're older" crap; because that's a load of you know what.
If that was the case a majority of people in the US wouldn't be marrying in their late 20s and even later have children.
I'm tired of people looking at me like I'm the strange one for being married for a year and a half and not sitting on the nest. What happened to being ambitious, and enjoying work, studies, life, your spouse, traveling, making a difference in the world? And yes, you can make a difference in your child's life as well, but so will I when I'm established, have a career, graduate degree(s), a house and maturity under my belt.
And don't look at me like I'm the selfish one. Just because I want to be older than 23 when I have a child does not mean I am "worldly." (And for the record I will be in my 30s when I have my first child).
Elizabeth Vargas--recently retired ABC anchor in NYC just had her 2nd child at 43. Now I'm not saying I want to be that old, I'm just saying you can be and that's ok. My mom had me at age 18 and just had a baby last year at 38 (there are 3 in between us). I will be done before I am 38 and have kids out of the house about the same time as most people who start now.
Don't tell me if I don't have kids now or if I keep putting it off that I will never want to have kids or that I will be "punished" for not having them now. ...I'm not even going to get started on that.
It's not that I don't like kids; it's just that I'm not ready. And the more and more I hear people talking about wanting to get pregnant the more it drives me away from wanting to. I'm not ready to jump on the band wagon and do what everyone else is doing.
I'm sorry but I want to wait until I can afford a child first of all. I am not a fan of taking out loans and using other people's money to raise a family. I know accidents happen (an no, accidents are not 'forgetting to take your birth control and getting caught in the moment' you are asking for it.) but accidents aren't "well, we'll just take our chances and see what happens... chances are you'll get pregnant, so don't tempt fate. I also don't buy the "we couldn't afford birth control that month" (and yes, someone has told me this excuse, no lie). I'm sorry but if you can't afford birth control (a box of condoms for $5) then how do you expect to be able to afford a baby?
I do not plan on just working part time (both me and my husband while we are both still in school) and taking out student loans because "we should start our families now." Everyone can start their families when they want, and I plan on being debt free (besides a house) before having a child. I don't want to bring a child into this world with debt or other people's money. And don't tell me "everyone's doing it" (and yes, I have heard this excuse), because not everyone is doing it, and I don't blame them. I don't really see it logical to stay at home, not work, and raise a child while my husband is finishing up school and working part time (if at all). Why? Why put yourself through that? You have plenty of years of fertility.
I am beginning to think women around here want to have kids so young for two main reasons. 1. Because they don't want to work and 2. Because everyone else is and it just seems right.
Now there is no need to bring religion into this because we all know it is between husband, wife and the Lord to decide when it is time for EACH INDIVIDUAL couple to have children.
Again, I am not trying to be judgmental. Do what you want, but I am telling you why I am doing what I want. Have all the babies you want, be my guest, but don't look at me like I am the bad guy. We all have our choices and my choice is to wait.
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Ouch right? I'm not trying to turn this into a controversial post like this ok so hear me out... Three years later a few things have changed. For one, I'm don't think I'll be in my 30s when I have my first child... Not by my choice at least. That would mean waiting another 7 years!! The crazy thing is I'll have been married for 12 years! Well, it's funny to see how already my opinions have changed some.I get "The Urge" now, when I didn't then. Though luckily I'm at a much different stage of life than I was then. Now I'm a young professional versus a student.
I've learned there's not really a time that you will "afford" a child, though I think we're better off than we were in school (thank goodness). And ESPECIALLY since the economy has been hit so bad I now understand the need for help sometimes--Because even if you do have jobs... Nowadays you could loose it at any time. Unfortunately, a job now doesn't guarantee you a job 9 months from now.
Most of all I think I've learned opinions don't matter. I have so many friends who popped babies out right away and they (seem) so happy. And how they pay their bills--With their money, our money, loan money, banked-robbed money is really none of my business. And over time, as they've stopped asking me when I'm going to have a kid (probably thinking I'm infertil) I've moved on... And I've stopped coming up for excuses for why I haven't joined their club.
While I think my words will stir up some emotions, please remember I was young ;o) BUT I am wondering... Do people ever bug the crap out of you on topics like this? Do/ Did you feel pressured to get married/ have babies/ more babies when maybe you don't feel it's right? Have you ever felt the same way that I did then? I love open and honest discussion.
