On the Cusp of a Nervous Breakdown

This morning I woke up, looked at my iPhone countdown and realized there's approximately 90 days until Ladybug arrives. 90 freaking days. Then I turned at looked at her room and my body filled with anxiety.

13 weeks, three months, 90 days. However you want to look at it, it's not that far away. Remember how quickly that 90 day warranty ran out on your expensive washing machine? That's how long I have. And while I've crossed off much on my baby shopping list I feel like there's still so much more to do.

I STILL haven't put up her crib. Why am I putting the crib up? Read that explanation here. I still need a dresser. I have nothing on the walls, I need to find a border to decorate the room with, buy a car seat, so we can actually take her home, and finally start buying diapers.

I hardly get any time to do these things since I work so much. And then when people at work get mad at me for messing up the spelling of something I want to scream at them and say: "YEA? WELL I STILL HAVEN'T PRE-WASHED MY CLOTHES!" I mean really... What's more important?

I KNOW I still have time. I know it's not the end of the world and that lots of people set things up long after the baby is born, but I am just one of those people who likes to get big projects done early. ESPECIALLY when I have no idea when she actually will come. I sometimes worry she'll come a month early and nothing will be ready.

Don't even get me started on the fact that we haven't started looking for a pediatrician yet. I'm not sure where to start. I am already signed up for my Lamaze class, and set to get prepped for labor but that's ONE DAY of this entire HUGE process!

I would love to have a mattress for her bed, crib and dresser set up, and room decorated by the end of April. That would give me another two months to deep clean my house, stock up on more diapers, and just relax the rest of my pregnancy.

Part of me is so overly excited to meet her and I want the last few months to fly by, but another part of me enjoys being pregnant, and planning and preparing.

I'm used to working on deadlines, but I've gotta say, this is my scariest one to date.

The Paranoia

If my stomach so much as growls I'm thinking I may be pregnant. I've gotta go pee--Must be pregnant. My feet hurt... I'm tired... feel faint--Yep, it's the pregnancy. That's what I get right? I guess it's the price I pay for doing this and trying that. I knew this would happen and now I'm ready to KICK myself! Here's proof how paranoid I am:
I took some of ya'lls advice and just stocked up on pregnancy tests from the Dollar Store. I only got 5 though. That should hold me over for awhile.

It's weird, I haven't had this feeling for a long time. I've been on the pill, the depo shot, had an IUD, and finally... after about 5 years of diverse birth control I'm not using hormones.

I must admit, I use to think people who weren't using a hormonal form of birth control were kind of dumb... Now that I've crossed over to that side of the fence I can see it's not that strange, and it's a little annoying when people say "you're going to get pregnant right away." Well I hope not (that's not the plan)! BUT... My GYN said it could take up to a year for my cycle to go back to normal so I figured it would be best to start that timer now if that be the case.

I imagine I'll find myself in this "so now I know how it feels" scenario a lot more as my journey inches closer and closer toward motherhood. I get the feeling I'll be eating a lot of my words.

I'm trying not to talk about my paranoia. I really don't want to be "that girl." You know... The one who's always talking about the pregnancy-like sensations she feeling but INSISTS she's not (or doesn't think she's) pregnant. Although I wouldn't mind being like Michelle, and making my own personal book of my crazy-mind feelings of "maybe I'm pregnant" in a TTC Journal (when I'm actually TTC).

So far I've been pretty good about taking my Basal Temperature. I printed out about 6 months worth of charts and I've already got some dots on it! I'm surprised how FUN. It is--Wait... I'm not sure if "fun" is the right word, but it sure is interesting! I ordered "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" like a lot of you recommended. If what yall all are saying about it is right I should know when to and not to get pregnant (again, the latter being my goal). And I'm excited just to understand my anatomy better, I think it should be coming in this week! I actually don't even mind checking out that other stuff... Eer, keeping an eye on it at least (I'm not sure I know how the whole "process" should be done yet, I'm counting on the book for that one). Anything that keeps me from screwing up I'm all for!

I'm mostly worried because I just got a Tetanus/Pertussis shot and the doctor said I should wait three months before TTC, plus I'm not sure what hormones are still in my system after removing the Mirena, I've still got a little dental work to get done, AND I'm still trying to ween myself off 5-hour energy shots. Well I wanted to wait that long or longer ANYWAY but I'd feel bad if I messed up my fetus, hence my extra dose of paranoia, coming right up!