Monday, August 3, 2009

The Meanies: A Response From the Editor

I felt like I needed to spend a little time clearing some things up because my last post stirred up some apparent controversy I didn't know existed (then again, with mom bloggers I've learned almost everything can be controversial) and I had to do something I HATE doing... Delete comments. Yes, and not only that, I also turned OFF anonymous comments. Here's why...

As you may know, my post yesterday was about a gift I call my hopeful "push present." I wrote a post before about them (which actually got NO rude anonymous comments) and the tradition behind them in some cultures.

My post yesterday was about finding a gift I'd love for the whole family... Something I'd like to use to document the whole journey with. Something I didn't think was very selfish as I was actually planning on getting one anyway, why not consolidate the gift as a push/anniversary/Christmas/birthday gift?

Normally I'll leave comments from people who disagree with me because I welcome a difference in opinion and I like to see all sides in things, but these comments got a little out of hand, and some hurt my feelings so I decided to delete them. Besides... I want to print out my blog one day for my family to see (helpful comments and all) and I'd rather my kids not read from the trolls.

I also generally don't respond to comments in the comments section because I don't think people come back to read them... But because I went against my journalistic instinct and deleted the comments I decided to post them here and give a response to each comment (Yes, I know this isn't necessary but I'm doing this for me). I'm not trying to "feed the beast" or give into them, I'm just trying to explain myself to them and anyone else who maybe was VERY confused by my message. Plus, I don't like contention and I'm taking this like a "letter to the editor." So Anonymous #1-6 I hope you come back to read this!

Anonymous comment #1: Why does anyone deserve a "push present?" You want to be pregnant, you want to have a baby, it's your choice. And what if you never get pregnant? This blog is premature, pun intended.

Future Mama's response: Why wouldn't a woman deserve a push present if that's what she wants? It's a tradition in many cultures, and who are you to judge those who get them or want them? As far as this blog being premature.. Thanks, sorta. The whole point of this blog was for me to research things about conception, pregnancy and beyond. I think there should be more planned and thought-out pregnancies.

And if I can't get pregnant... I'll adopt. But I'd still like that camera.

Anonymous comment #2: You're not even pregnant and planning your push present? I've never heard of anyone so obsessed with being pregnant before. Maybe you should let the big man upstairs take care of it and when it's time it will happen! How does this not drive your husband insane?

Future Mama's response: My husband loves me, and he loves my ultra-planning personality. He's not insane... Yet.

Anonymous comment #3: I know anonymous comments are sort of lame, but I have to agree with anonymous commenter above me. You are planning this a little TOO Much IMO. If you try so hard chances are it isnt going ot happen when you want and then ur going to be disappointed!

Future Mama's response: "I know anonymous comments are lame but..." - signed Anonymous. Nouf said!

But in response to your comment... I do sometimes over-plan, and I'm working on that. If you've read previous posts you'd know I'm starting yoga to help with stress (since stress can lead to having a harder time conceiving). But I don't think I'll be too disappointed if it doesn't happen right away. I've waited this long. I'm sure I'd still find more to write about and plan then.

Anonymous comment #4: I also agree! Calm down already!

Future Mama's response: Got it!

Anonymous comment #5 (in response to a tweet I sent suggesting these are the same person): Def not same person!

Future Mama's response: Suuuure.

Anonymous comment #6: I think the idea of push present is incredibly selfish. The present should be that precious LIFE that you have just created and brought into this world. The present is seeing those beautiful eyes, the tiny toes, the sweet fingertips, and knowing that this life was created inside of you. Why would you demand a camera, or jewelry? Why put even more financial strain on a family by demanding a push present? You aren't even trying to conceive yet, give it a rest. There are other women out there who have been trying to conceive children for YEARS who no longer read your blog because you are incredibly selfish and have no idea that amount of emotional energy, patience, and mental health go into trying to conceive.

Future Mama's response: I'm sorry you think it's selfish. In my post I talked about how my child will be the greatest gift I could get But I also think every woman... Every mother deserves an additional gift if that's what she so desires. I know a lot of women who have received a push present for each child, and whether or not you want one is your own personal decision, so don't judge me!

I'm not sure if you took the time to read the post or if you were coming over and commenting because your friend told you to. I'm not demanding a push present... And who's to say I'd be putting financial strain on my family? That's awfully presumptuous of you.

I'm not blogging for you or anyone else, I'm blogging for me. If you choose to be offended by what I've said I'm sorry, but the point of my blog is to ask questions, find answers, and find joy in the journey of preparing to be a mother. What's wrong with spending some time (less than a year) preparing for one of the biggest decisions of my life?

No, I don't know what it's like spending years trying to conceive, and I'm not pretending like I do. But I DO know how much emotional energy, patience and mental, physical and spiritual health goes into PREPARING to try to conceive, and waiting for the right time to make that decision. Maybe YOU don't know how hard that is. Counting the years of marriage wondering when it'll be my turn to be pregnant. Watching my friends have babies, throwing them showers. Wondering when my spouse and I will BOTH be on the same page and want to have a child... Then one of us loses our job and plans change AGAIN. Waiting for even the simplest things to fall in place, and finding joy in planning the little things. Discovering comfort in researching ways to get my mind, body and spirit ready to conceive while I wait for Him to be ready.--All the while praying I'll be ABLE to have a baby when it's time to start trying.

I'm not making light of your situation so don't make light of mine. And don't act like you don't dream of pictures you'd like to take of your new baby too... Even if it's with a brand spanking new camera!

So from now on... or until I feel like changing the settings, if you have something rude you want to say, you're going to have to have the balls to put your name with it.
What do you do to trolls? Or am I the only one they pick on?