Motherhood With a Side of Paranoia

I took nap with my daughter the other day and when we awoke I noticed she was cross-eyed. Actually it was more like reverse-cross-eyed. One of her eyes was looking at me and the other was drifting off to the left. I immediately wondered if my sleeping with her could have caused this new development.--Caused her to go blind.

I yelled to my husband to have him come look and I held back the tears I could feel forming.

"She always looks like that," he told me.

"She always looks cross-eyed?" I didn't believe it. Anyways, I had stared at her 1000Xs more than he had. I would have noticed.

"She's just tired, she just woke up," he tried to console me, and hide a chuckle.

"What if she's going blind?" My paranoia wouldn't let down.

He snapped his fingers in his direction and she looked over at him. I was satisfied but only later thought of the fact that she could have been reacting to the sound of him snapping and not his fingers moving.

I fed her, and kept watching her eyes and noticed when she was looking normal again. Then I realized this is going to be a long hard journey.

I'm a hypochondriac. I've pretty much always self-diagnoised myself with all sorts of sicknesses and diseases. I claim I have mono when I'm actually just sleepy. I'm convinced I have a heart disease because I watched a special about Marfans on the Health Channel and so many of the symptoms explain my issues. I thought I had cancer when I discovered a lump in my breast (I actually did have to have it surgically removed. Luckily it was benign, but you can imagine my fear when they said it wasn't a cyst).

Now, unfortunately my delusions have carried over with my child. I can't read anything about babies and illness without worrying about Lil' J.

I pray every night that she'll be alive when I wake up and often jump up startled in the middle of the night when I realize I haven't heard her stir in awhile. I googled "green poop" when I saw a diaper full of it this morning. I hate that I'm acting this way but truthfully, I've done this with my dog--So it's only expected that with my own child it's magnified by a thousand.

Some friends told me about baby motion monitors and I'm thinking of getting one. This may put me in the category of "cuckoo" but I think it'll also give me a little piece of mind, and maybe help me sleep a little better.

I've heard a lot of good things about the Angel Care monitor but I'm thinking of getting a Snuza since it's more easily portable and has a vibration that will ring on baby if se doesn't breath or move for 15 seconds. The alarm sounds 5 seconds later if still nothing.

It's not about vanity, it's about my sanity. I'm not sure if I'll ever be sane again--Now that I'm a mom, but at least I can admit I need help.

CNS Stores sells bedroom vanity items, and nursery amenities including a few motion baby monitors and I'm hoping to buy one soon!- Sponsored.

Did You Pre-Wash Your Baby Clothes?

I've been debating this for a little while so I decided to write about it for my Parenting.com Project Pregnancy Blog and apparently it's a hot topic!

Here's an excerpt:

"Go ahead; call me a crazy lady, gross, or a bad mom. Everyone differs in opinions on every little parenting choice and I know pre-washing is just one of many things I’ll encounter.

It’s not that I’m all out against the process, or that I think people who do it are strange; I just never really thought anything of it. But I want you to understand my point of view... This is coming from a girl who wasn’t even pre-rinsing her fruit until a few years ago.

I was at my mother-in-law’s house and I had pulled a bag of grapes from the fridge and started munching. "Did you rinse those off honey?" She asked me. No... I thought.

I mean, I knew I was SUPPOSED to rinse them off but I just never thought much of it. I never got sick before, and they taste the same.
I mean really, am I suppose to run this bag of grapes under the running faucet for a few seconds and all of the oh so dangerous chemicals and pesticides would magically seep right out through every grape, drip down out of the bag, and disappear down the drain. I guess I just don’t get all of the hype.

I’ve never really considered washing my new clothes before I wear them. Do people do that? Ok, some do, I’ve heard. Other people can try on the clothes before me, or return them and who knows, there could be something like stranger sweat on it. My goodness. Or worse... The chemicals used to preserve the clothes and keep them looking nice on the rack.

I’m not trying to mock the situation here, I do understand for some people it’s comforting knowing your clothes are REALLY clean before wearing them, but I guess I kinda like the "brand new" look and smell of clothes before they lose their new clothes virginity in my washing machine.

When it comes to baby clothes, I guess the issue is some babies have allergic reactions or skin irritation from wearing new clothes. My theory is I won’t know until I try. If I put one of her adorable, still-creased Gerber onesies on her and she breaks out in a rash, ok, sure, I’ll wash the rest of them before the first wear. But if she does just fine, is it so bad for her to wear something brand new ONCE?"

That's not all... I go on, so you can read the rest of my pre-washing debate here. A penny for your thoughts!?

Oh, and a side note that I didn't write in the post but I notice in a lot of people tell me: They pre-wash the FIRST baby's clothes but then don't with the rest. What's up with that? ... And we wonder why kids suffer from "middle child syndrome."

Another someone mentioned a friend pre-washing EVERYTHING then her baby was a different sex than expected *dies*.

Wordless Wednesday: My Collection

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Come'on, you know you've been there! (How I got here)
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PS: Winner of the Vitamin CODE Prenatal Vitamins and DHA vitamins according to Random.org: #47 Goldibug! Congrats!

The Physicals

I set up appointments to get physicals more than a month ago. I'm not a huge fan of doctor's offices and I consider myself very lucky to have a nurse for a mother-in-law. I usually call her with all of my medical questions, and to make sure I'm not dying.

As a part of this list of things to do 6 months to a year before baby makin' I decided to go ahead and at least do this.

We arrived to our appointments right on time... Not 20-minutes early like the receptionist asked. I liked the way the office building looked. It was small, quaint. Unlike the huge and commercialized offices I had visited previously.

After completing our paperwork the nurse quickly called me back. I motioned for my husband to follow me back but he shook his head. "You can come," I urged just above a whisper. But he wouldn't.

After doing a series of basic blood pressure and pulse tests she instructed me to change into the clinic scrubs. When she left the room I heard her call my husband in and apologize that she didn't ask us to come in together 'yea, that's what I tried to tell him' I thought.

So there we were. Our doctor, and Indian man, was probably the nicest doctor we've ever had. In fact, normally we don't like to go to the people in white coats, but he changed our perception. But what threw me for a loop was when the doctor asked: "So are you two thinking about starting a family?" and after glancing at my husband, I let him reply, he said: "Yea, probably in the next 1 to 2 years." I gave him the 'what?!--No, wait, we'll talk later' look, and as soon as the doctor left the room we did.

"A year to two years?" I asked.
"I didn't mean to say that," he said defensively. "I meant I wanted to have a kid in hand in like a year or two."
"Well no one thinks in those terms," I shot back.

While I went to get blood work done hubs completed his physical, and when I walked in I overheard them completing a conversation about what's safe before or during pregnancy. 'Now we're talking,' I thought.

We decided to take our Tetanus/ Pertussis shots then as to not have to worry about it later when it's baby makin' time. The doctor gave me good advice... Prenatals, calcium pills, constant exercise, yoga and meditation (?), OB referrals... The whole nine yards. I felt a lot better after going through that process-- Actually talking to a professional and getting my questions out in the open.

I got a phone call the other day about our blood test results. My husband's came in a day before mine and I worried something was wrong--What if I was.. you know. Do they test for that?

The woman on the other end of the line with my results paused before she read my results. Blood sugar--Good. Iron levels--Good. Cholesterol level--Good, and she paused before she read my last result... I was at 106 for my "bad cholesterol" level, the doctor likes me to stay around 100. Diet and exercise better and get checked again in 6-12 months if I'm not pregnant.

I let out a sigh of relief, not because I needed an excuse to lay off the french fries, but because she didn't tell me the news I've been dreading--I've been suspicious about. I have a feeling this is only the beginning of my paranoia.