My Baby Birthing Tips

So as a grand finale to your pregnancy there's the birth. I've only done it once and I'm not going to act like I know all of the answers on the subject. There is no cookie-cutter answer to anything and everyone's birth is different, but I do have some tips based on what I did and learned to help you prepare to have a good experience.



1. Choose Your Caregiver Wisely: I can't emphasize this enough. If you want to deliver your baby at home or in a birth center, you'll most likely use a midwife. If you want to deliver at a hospital you have a choice. You can't assume all OB's are evil and all midwives are angels, you've gotta do some digging and not be afraid to talk to your potential caregiver about your concerns and desires.



Ask your friends who they recommend. I had a prenatal massage by a really sweet doula who told me she loved my OB. Coming from a woman who works a lot with women who birth at home this meant a lot to me.



You also can check out Lamaze's Birth Survey results. I filled one out, and you can too (if you've given birth before), about your provider so people know who are researching their providers can read about your experiences.



Some questions you can ask when deciding on who to choose: What's your birth philosophy? Do you have a time line for how long you think a woman should be in active labor? How long past a due date are you comfortable letting a woman go before suggesting induction? What do you think about doulas?



Or anything else you may be concerned about. You can ask how often they perform cesareans, or how often women in their practice labor without any interventions. You can even ask how soon they'll let you get an epidural, or how late.



2. Be Up Front: This kinda goes with #1. You want to be up front with your caregiver about what kind of experience you're looking for. Wouldn't you hate to find out 9 months in that they prefer you stay in bed during labor? It wouldn't be fun starting the search all over again. Also ask questions about your hospital's policy. Mine didn't have strict rules about food and liquids during labor, but many do. Ask what positions you can labor or deliver in (if that's something you're concerned about).



3. Take a Childbirth Class: And have your partner go with you! They're fun and educational. You really can't go wrong by taking one. I took a Lamaze class and loved it. I also listened to some hypnosis but that wasn't for me... I fell asleep every time I turned them on but during labor I HATED it (personally, but I know a lot it works for!).



4. Have a Birth "Plan": I prefer the term "birth wishes" or "preferences" rather than "plan" because you really can't plan what you're baby's going to do. However, it's still a good idea to think about what you'd like to happen in a perfect world. Or in a not so perfect world. I even had an "in case of an emergency" section of mine with things like "let the sheet down after she's born... etc" in case I needed an emergency c-section. It's not a bad idea to think about your preferences in a situation like that.



Write it early, (you can always change it as you go. I had 2 or 3 versions) and talk it over with your caregiver.



6. Have a Music Playlist (or Two): I had three different labor playlists: Upbeat, Relaxation, and Just Meeting (one to play after she came out). The upbeat one totally had me in the zone more than anything else when I was working through my contractions. I was just moving around on my yoga ball to the beat, and breathing on my own. I like music when I work out and I felt like I was getting a workout so it worked. I maybe should have started with relaxing since I was so tense but it's something I'll keep in mind next time.



6-11 Are the Lamaze 6 Healthy Birth Practices (in my words) which I HIGHLY recommend.



6. Let Labor Start on It's Own: If labor gets going on it's own you'll save a lot of medical interventions that come with induction. Obviously I didn't do this one, but I'd recommend it. Here are some tips for keeping you birth as healthy and safe as possible if induction is necessary. And here's what I learned about trying to induce labor naturally, or medically.



7. Get Moving: Walk, move around, and change positions during labor: I took this advice to heart in the first several hours of my labor, even though I was hooked up to monitors and pitocin. This makes it harder but not impossible.



I didn't enjoy walking as much as I did moving on my yoga ball. My Lamaze instructor taught us some thing we could do on a yoga ball and some of them really helped me. Here's a video of me and Lil' J demonstrating a few things I learned.

8. Bring a Buddy: Meaning a loved one, friend or doula who can offer support. I had my husband who learned the Lamaze techniques with me, but it was my mom who got there earlier than expected and was a big help during labor. She wasn't in the room when I pushed (I wanted it to be just my husband and I) but she was rubbing my legs, my back, my feet. Oh man, I didn't realize how much of a help it was to have someone who knew what to do. She'd been through that and while my husband was sweet, he would ask me what I wanted, when I needed him to just do.



I'm not sure I'll go the doula route next time. I think they are awesome and have their place though, so look into it. But a support person can be any woman who knows what you're going through, or even a friend or loved one would do! (Even a doulo husband or partner if you think he'd be helpful).



9. Avoid Interventions You Don't NEED: I was as adamant about this as I could be, even though I was induced. Right before I checked in I got a sweet email from Amy Romano, my Cyber Lamaze Coach, and she gave me some fabulous tips to remember. One that stuck out was to avoid having my water broken. You can delay things longer (as long as there's not an emergency situation preventing this) if you still have your bag of waters intact.



In my "Birth Wishes" I said I'd like my water to break on its own. I can't remember if I addressed internal fetal monitoring, but I knew I personally didn't want that. My water broke before I got my epidural, and that epidural was an intervention I needed. It helped me relax when it was becoming too difficult to do on my own.



You can ask for a heplock and no IV, so you have more freedom of not being hooked up to anything. You can also ask for intermittent or wireless monitoring, so you're not hooked up to a machine constantly. And you can avoid pain killers. If you go to a Lamaze class they go through the positives and negatives of each intervention, so you can decide what's worth it to you. I really enjoyed it because I felt like it was a very unbiased approach to it all.



10. Avoid Giving Birth on Your Back, and Follow Your Urges to Push: I had asked about squat bars and taking off the bottom part of the bed so I was in almost a sitting position versus laying backwards. The nurse said we'd see how it goes without the bars and if I still wanted them they'd bring them in. After a slight push and seeing her head, I knew I wouldn't need them. But they did take off the bottom part of the bed so I wasn't lying on my back to get her out. I was in a more seated position. I think it made it easier for me. She was out in minutes.



I didn't have a huge urge to push, but I know many people do. From what I've heard it's like when you're going to throw up. You know you're going to heave and you can't control it.



My pitocin had been turned off so I wasn't having many contractions, but I could feel the muscles I needed to push her out.



If you don't want to be coached on when to push and for how long, tell them. I wanted to get her out so I was pushing when they weren't saying push, and not pushing when I didn't feel like it. I say go with your instincts on this. Having the epidural does make it more difficult in the "feeling it" aspect, but try what you can!



11. Stick Together: After your baby is born stick together--You and the baby. This helps bonding and breastfeeding.



I asked her to be placed on me right after birth, so my OB didn't suction her mouth, clean her or anything, she just handed her to me, gooey and all. I didn't breastfeed right away cause I honestly wasn't thinking about it, and I kinda forgot, and didn't know how to do it, but a few minutes later I gave it a try (still hadn't a clue what I was doing) and the nurse helped me.



I asked that one of us be with her when she needed to go to the nursery, and that most of her tests be performed in our room.



I think this initial contact helps with breastfeeding and bonding. At least it seems to have helped for me.



12. Let Other Opinions Go: If you're reading this you're involved in social media. Don't do what I did and let other opinions stress you out to where you're more worried about what others will think than your own experience. This goes for your family and friends too. You may love them, but this is your experience.



I had to take a step back and regroup after I realized how all of the influence was doing a number on me.



If you want to have a water birth, and catch your own baby, don't let others sway you. Or if you want to do your hair and makeup before so you can have cute pictures afterward, own it! Someone WILL disagree with something you do no matter what. Don't let it get to you, and do what makes you happy. Don't feel like you need to prove people wrong, or right, just do you, and leave other opinions by the wayside.



I hope this all helps a little if you're preparing to have a baby. These are things I did and some of these may work for you. Some may not. If you'd like more information on healthy birth practices you can check out Lamaze's page where they have videos on each of the subjects, and more detailed descriptions of techniques that can help and why.



Good Luck! And feel free to share your tips for others reading!



Everyone who comments on this post before October 16th will be entered to win a great prize that you or a friend can enjoy before and during labor with your baby. A Sound Beginnings music player from Creative Baby. You can play music and your voice to your baby while listening to the same thing to start bonding early. Little J has loved music from day 1 and I think using something like this made it that way. If you follow @SoundBeginnings on Twitter or their Facebook page you'll get an extra entry.

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Winner of $40 to Kids Room Decor Inc. #40 Miss Sophie. Congrats! You'll have 48 hours to respond to my email!

The Delivery: Lil' J's Birth Story Part 3

Read the Preface
Read Part 1
Read Part 2

I felt another contraction and wasn’t sure if it was as strong as the last few, or if the epidural was kicking in. I kept saying a silent prayer that I wouldn’t be one of those fluke cases of people who are immune to the proclaimed glorious drug.

As that contraction fizzled out I waited for the next but it never came. Well, it did but I didn’t feel it. I was in heaven.

I always thought it was so funny watching a Baby Story and seeing the 180 women did after having an epidural. The dreamy smiles they had on their faces and praises seemed a little overboard to me. Now that I was experiencing this for myself I knew EXACTLY how they felt, and they were not playing!

I had to tell every person who came into the room how wonderful the epidural was.

“Ooh mom, it’s working, this is great! I’m so glad it worked.” I told her.

“This is great, I’m so glad I got the epidural,” I told my nurse Elizabeth.

“This is amazing,” I told my OB and anyone else who would listen.

“Ep-i-DUR-al” I tried to coach my 5-year-old sister to remember the word for a couple of decades.

“I love you,” I said past my husband and to the bag of liquid gold dripping down through my IV.

The epidural man looked even sexier than before when he came back to check on me. Are all anesthesiologists hot? Everything was working great.

Now I was able to sit back, relax and enjoy the last few hours. I joked with my sisters, took a nap, watched TV, and played “guess what she’ll look like,” with my husband.

My OB checked on me, at about 3:30 and I was 8cm dilated, 100% effaced, and a 0 station. Woohooo!! I was on my way to having this baby, and no epidural was slowing me down!

Just an hour later I started to feel pressure in my booty. I didn’t tell anyone, but I knew she was squeezing her little self downward.

I was checked again around 6:30 or so, and fully dilated. My doctor explained since I had a lot of meconium in my amniotic fluid, NICU nurses and doctors would be on standby when my daughter was born. She said if she came out crying, we could continue as planned. She’d hand the baby to me right away, and my husband could cut the cord. But if she wasn’t crying right away, she’d need to be whisked to the people standing by, so they could check on her.

She went to finish something else up but she told the nurses we could start pushing and she’d be back. Sadly, that’s when Elizabeth’s shift was ending. So another nurse came in for the fun part.

There was quite a bit of down time before we got the pushing started. I took that to my advantage and decided to do what?—Take my hair down. My mom helped me unravel a couple dozen rollers from my hair, and get it in place for pictures after the pushing.

Elizabeth did get to see my hair out of rollers right before she left, and was impressed with my preparedness.

I asked for a mirror before she left (not for my hair, but to watch my baby come out) and they brought one out from the back room. I was back and forth on wanting to see but I figured if I had the mirror there I could always choose to look away.

My new nurse sat down beside me and said we could start pushing while we waited and see how much progress I could make.

My husband started to freak out a little, in shock mostly that we were actually about to have our baby. I told him to keep his eyes above my waist, and he had no problem obeying. Our nurse told him to warn her if he was going to pass out.

I didn’t feel a huge urge to push but I did feel pressure when I was having a contraction, and could feel the muscles I needed to use to push down. I pushed them on my own a little while I was waiting cause I could have sworn it felt like a baby was about to fall out of my vagina.

Once I could tell things were about to get going I told my mom I’d have my husband come get her once our baby was born. She and my sisters left to anticipate our daughter in the waiting room.

During a contraction the nurse asked me to push but immediately told me to stop.

“The baby’s head is right there,” she pointed in the mirror. “Can you see that?”

I could! And just as I had hoped, this said head had hair!

My nurse asked me not to push as she called my OB.

“She said you were going to be a great pusher,” my nurse told me. I wondered how anyone could have guessed that, but tried to take it as some sort of compliment.

So this isn’t going to take two hours. I thought to myself. I had heard pushing could easily take an hour, two or three, and get tiring. I was happy to hear it wasn’t going to take me that long.

My doctor asked the nurse to shut off the pitocin while we waited for her to get back. I was curious if it would do anything to stop my contractions or if they had picked up on their own. I had written in my plan to try to labor without pitocin after my contractions had picked up a set pattern and see if they could be self-sustainable. I never asked to try it because 1. I was afraid they’d stop and we’d have to start all over and 2. After getting the epidural I didn’t care.

As we waited I could see on the monitor that my contractions were dying down, not coming as often or as strong. I guess that’s why I was on pitocin in the first place. That moment re-confirmed my decision to be induced.

When my OB came back she came with a team of people, all dressed up in scrubs from head to toe. She reminded me of the different scenarios that would play out depending if my baby cried or not. I hoped she would cry so I’d know immediately that she was ok, and so that I could hold her right away.

She asked for olive oil to help ease the baby’s head out—She doesn’t do episiotomies. I tried not to watch the stretching but I was curious to see my progress at the same time.

We waited for a contraction, they asked if I could feel it, and even if I didn’t, I tried to just push when I felt like pushing. I imitated what I saw on TV, took a deep breath and PUUUSHED.

It didn’t hurt, though I imagine it would have if I didn’t have an epidural.

I pushed three times and they told me her head was about to come out. We had to wait awhile between contractions and I was anxious to meet her, so I didn’t want to stop pushing.

After a few more contractions they told me one more push and she’d be out. I thought they were joking—Or just telling me that as some sort of ploy to keep me motivated, and that they’d tell me “one more time” about five more times. But sure enough after the next push they told me my baby’s head was out, and with another little push she slid right out, and cried.

My doctor instantly handed her to me, slimy and all, and I kissed her little face and introduced myself to her as her mommy. I was happy she didn’t have a cone head, surprised as how chubby she looked, and at her strength. We lied chest to chest but she lifted her little head up to look at me. Newborns don’t do that. I thought. I was impressed already.

My husband, who was by my side all along had a permanent smile on his face.

He took the scissor-like tool from my doctor’s hand and cut our cord.

We sat together as a new family of three in our own little world for some time. I was in disbelief. I couldn’t—and still can’t wrap my brain around the fact that this was the same little faceless child that was in my womb for 9+ months.

When they finally took her away and weighed her they told us she was a big and healthy 9 pounds 9 ounces. All were impressed.

I did need a few stitches since I tore a little in the process, but I didn’t feel that either—Until later. Luckily there were pain meds for that too.

The experience is one I’ll remember forever. I went into this birth fearing the worst yet hoping for the best, and came out wondering why I had ever worried in the first place. I’ve learned to stick with my mother’s intuition and feel confidant in my choices, even if they differ from popular belief, or even my caregiver.

This story could have gone a million different ways, but in the end I got exactly what I wanted—My beautiful healthy little girl (and cute first family pictures).

My Birth Wishes: The Letter

This is the third part of my My Birth Wishes series here's Part 1, and Part 2.

In my Birth Wishes I thought it was important to include ALL types of scenarios. Sort of an "in case of an emergency" plan. Of course we hope that doesn't happen but we all know anything is possible.

I think part of the problems with "birth plans" I've seen is people being so strict but not giving themselves leeway, nor considering unforeseen possibilities. That can lead to MUCH disappointment in yourself, which I think is a HUGE part of the battle.

It's also important to be aware of things your hospital has and doesn't have or things your doctor or midwife does or doesn't do. For instance, no need to write "I'd like a walking epidural" or "I don't want to try sterile water injections for back labor" if your hospital doesn't offer those.

I decided to skip the part about induction and early labor since I'm planning on labor to start on it's own, and using every technique under the sun to hopefully not have to worry about that. I DO have a plan written in case that happens but that's not as important to me as some of the things in this letter.

Here's my every-changing letter:

Dear Doctors, Nurses and Attending Staff:

First off I want to thank you so much for being here and helping my daughter and me on this very special day. You choosing this profession shows me you must love babies and new mothers so I'm looking forward to getting to know you over the next little while. This is our first baby, her name is ______, and we're very excited to meet her.

I know some women come in with a set "birth plan" and others I'm sure don't have anything of that sort, I decided to take a slightly different approach to thinking about today and write some "birth wishes" since I know I can't plan everything to a T, and ultimately, my baby girl is in charge. Having said that, there are some things I'd like to avoid unless absolutely necessary, and certain things I'd prefer.

-If I'm less than 4cm dilated I'd like to discuss going home, or to a nearby place and getting myself to progress more before being admitted here. I've tried to labor as long as I can at home, relax, yet move around a lot.

-I brought my own hospital gowns which are adorable but also great for breastfeeding and easily accessible for you!

-When we took a tour of the hospital we were told you have birthing balls available to us upon request. I'd love one please. I have been using one at home and I think it'll help me relax and progress during labor.

-I love water, and I'd love to sit in the shower to help labor along and to be comfortable. My husband is prepared with a swimsuit to be with me as well, I'd really prefer for us to be together at all times during this process.

-I would like the lights to be dimmed please. I'll probably we wearing a headset or using speakers for a good portion of my delivery.
-Please don't talk to be during contractions.

-I'm using Hypnotherapy as well as Lamaze techniques to cope with pain. Please don't offer me pain medications until I ask. I probably will, but I'd like to initiate it, and keep my labor progressing and avoid risk of it slowing down because of an epidural.

-I prefer intermittent fetal motoring so I can have more mobility as well as minimal vaginal exams.

-I'd prefer to avoid pitocin and wait for my water to break on its own.

-During the pushing stage I'd like to use squatting bars and remove the lower part of the bed so -I can sit forward and push in more of a squatting position.

-From my understanding you don't do routine episiotomies, I'd like to be told if I look like I'm going to tear so I can slow the pushing and give my body time to stretch.

-PLEASE put the baby directly on my belly after birth, that's one thing I've been looking forward to experiencing.

-My husband would like to cut the umbilical cord (he told me so) so we'd love it if you gave him the honors.

-When you put the hospital beanie on her, please put one on that we brought... it's just like yours but with flair. My husband can hand it to you.

In Case of an Emergency:

-In case of an emergency cesarian is necessary, and if there's time, please give my husband and I a few moments to discuss our options in private before asking for written consent.

-Ideally I'd like to remain conscious for the procedure.

-Please show me baby _____ immediately after she's born, if possible I'd like to have a hand free to touch her.

After Birth

-We'd like to initiate breastfeeding as soon as possible, and keep her in the room with us, there may be times we request she goes to the nursery so we can rest (we won't get much when we get home) but overall we'd like to keep her with us unless otherwise requested.

-Please let's delay some of the standard screening tests until we've had some bonding time and established breastfeeding.

-If it's not standard here, please screen ____ with a pulse oximeter sometime after 24 hours of life and before discharge.

-I'd LOVE help from a lactation consultant.

-If ____ has problems, I'd like my husband to stay with her.

My husband, OB and I have discussed these wishes before and we all understand that things can change and these are my preferences.

Thank you again so much for attending my birth! It's going to be an exciting day!

How I Envision My Birthing Day: Birth Wishes Part 2

Read Preparing for Labor: My Birth Wishes Part 1 here.



My husband and I are 2/3s done with our Lamaze childbirth class. Although I thought I knew a lot about labor going into it, I've learned so much more.

I know some people giggle at the idea of childbirth classes but I think they're great, helpful, and important. If anything, it's a fun excuse to get out with your hubby once a week, and practice a new hobby together.

I've also been reading The Official Lamaze Guide: Giving Birth With Confidence, and I have to admit, I was hesitant when picking it up, I sometimes feel childbirthed-out and like I can't stand to think another moment about preparing for this single moment that will be eclipsed by my baby's smile in a matter of months. However, I brought the book with me while I was getting my hair done and have been interested in quite a bit of content.

Lamaze has been a great opportunity for my husband and I to talk about how we want things to go, and how he'll support me during labor, and it's given me the backbone of my Birth Wishes philosophy. Their six healthy birth practices are:

1: Let labor begin on its own
2: Walk, move around and change positions throughout labor
3: Bring a loved one, friend or doula for continuous support
4: Avoid interventions that are not medically necessary
5: Avoid giving birth on your back and follow your body's urges to push
6: Keep mother and baby together - It's best for mother, baby and breastfeeding

And all of them you'll see flowing into my letter of desires.

Along with Lamaze I've been listening to labor hypnosis tracks daily as well as pregnancy affirmations, and practicing prenatal yoga. All together I think I'll be ready for my "pressure waves" (aka contractions) on my birthing day (labor aka D-Day).

I've thought a lot about how I'd like my birthing day do go and although I know anything could happen, and that I need to be open and flexible, I visualize it going something like this:

I envision labor starting on its own in the early morning hours. I'll wake up in the middle of the night from contractions, but forcing myself to go back to sleep. It's going to be a long day(s) and as exciting as it is, I'll need some rest.

When I can't take the pressure anymore I'll get up and fill up the bathtub with hot water and turn on my relaxation playlist. I may listen to some hypnosis, and just breath through the contractions. I'll also have my iPhone near by so I can time the contractions, or have my husband time them on my Contraction Tracker.

I know early labor up to 5cm dilated will be a good long portion of the process (about 2/3rds usually) so I'm going to try my best to stay relaxed, and get to dilating.

Relaxation helps with letting my body do it's job, but the contractions are also working to push the baby down, soften, and dilate my cervix. So it's also important to move and help with the process. Eventually my adrenaline will kick in as well as endorphins which should naturally help alleviate some of the pain... That could be later as I'm progressing more to active labor though.



To help speed things along I'll use my husband's help to keep me moving and help the baby thin out my cervix (efface). I'll practice a technique my OB suggested, which we also learned in Lamaze class, and wrap my arms around my husband's neck, stick my hips back and sway in my husband's arms. I will also sit on my birthing ball, do jumping jacks, yoga, whatever the heck it takes. All the while listening to my "upbeat labor playlist" (which is a work in process, so if you have tips, please add your suggestions!).


When active labor kicks in I'll be getting contractions every 3-5 minutes and they'll each last about a minute long. I'm going to try to relax or keep moving on the ball, whatever my body tells me feels right at the time. ...This totally goes with the principal of healthy birth practice #2, "walking, moving around, and changing positions during labor." You can see some good examples of this watching this video:

My OB suggested a lot of movement during natural labor and said women hardly... If ever prefer to be lying down during contractions, so while I'm at home, I plan to use the techniques I've learned. I'm also thinking of printing out photos of positions beforehand so they're readily available and all in front of me during the process.



Another key to me is staying home as long as I can stand it. Staying at home will help with avoiding possible medical interventions. Of course some I think could be necessary, but if I'm doing ok at home and feeling safe I'll stay at home as long as I can.

My OB asks that I call when my contractions are four minutes apart and one minute long for one hour. My iPhone has an alarm for the same time frame, but I changed it to two hours.


One thing I worry about it getting to the hospital, wreathing in pain only to find I'm about 2cm dilated. It's going to take us long enough to get there, passing three other hospitals on the way, I'd like to get there and be ready to stay.


I'm going to of course check with my OB during that time and make sure it's ok that I wait it out a little longer before doing something that could put me and my baby in danger, but I also think my instincts will kick in when it's time to go to someplace safe.

"Most mammals seeks quiet and privacy when they're in labor, and if they sensee danger of any kind, labor stops. This frees them to move to safety, or lets them wait until danger passes to deliver their babies.

Humas labor fits this pattern : Early on, it can be shut down by anxiety, fear, or anything that makes you feel unsafe. That's why it's important to choose a birth site and caregiver that help you feel confidant and secure." (The Official Lamaze Guide p. 98)

So, I'm hoping I'll feel safe at home, but not SO SAFE to where I'll deliver the baby right then and there.

Once it's time to go I'm grabbing my Baby Time hospital bag and a coordinating matching bag packed with extra goodies raging from treats for the staff, and my two Hot Mama Gowns, to music, my laptop and a picture of Spawnie... My focal point.



After, I'm predicting about 10 hours of early and early-active labor we'll make the trek to the hospital which isn't THAT far away, but with the 24/7 traffic in our area, it'll feel like planets away.


I'll practice hypnosis in the car and keep my cool for when we reach the hospital.


Now, besides Spawnie coming out beautiful, healthy, and looking quite un-spawnlike, the ONE thing that would make my Birth Dreams come true is if I get the awesome compliment of "you can't be in labor you're too calm." That will be my big goal. Even if I have to hold it in and fake it just until I hear someone say it, that's what I'm shooting for.


I'll hand off the basket of goodies to my first attending nurse with my pre-thank-you letter and Birth Wishes printed on hard paper, with ribbon tied through some punch holes. I'll bring about 6-8 copies. One for my husband and I and some for the attending staff.



Tomorrow, I'll share the ever-evolving letter.

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Mommy Measure Winners (I actually have 2!): #50 AmyLynn and #3 Mrs. Understood. CONGRATS! Please email me your address (babymakingmachine{at}gmail.com) and I'll get it sent to you!

Don't Tell Me How to Have My Baby!

"We didn't get into medicine because we want to screw with your lives, we got into medicine because we like mothers and babies and we want to help them."

While phrased in a strange way, I understood where she was coming from. The woman who said that was replying to a series of questions posed by audience members at a meet and greet I attended this week.

It was a chance for pregnant women to ask questions and talk with all of the OBs in our practice, plus the on-call OBs who could possible deliver us in the 30% chance we don't get our own.

My husband and I sat on the second row, eager to hear what women wanted to ask as well as what these obstetricians had to say. I wasn't sure what to expect when I arrived. I had pages of my Prego Planner twisted around my fingers, as I fumbled through my notes, thinking if I was brave enough to ask any of my questions in front of the room of around 40 couples.

I got some of my ideas for questions from the reading the outline of the Lamaze Healthy Birth Practices. Others, from friends like Emily Dicky, who recently had her baby by a cesarean she, and many others in the blogosphere say was unnecessary. I thought getting questions from her that she "would have asked" would be a great way to find the right OB for me.

All of the doctors introduced themselves, and told us about their background. My husband and I listened to their backgrounds and remarks, and found we liked the personalities and stories of my OB, and one other on the end the best... Coincidentally, those were both the women recommended by our family practitioner whom we love.

After their brief introductions they opened it up to questions. Of course, we were all a little hesitant at first, but one woman who appeared to be a little further along than I had the balls to throw out the first one.

"I want a natural labor," she said very matter of fact. "How open are you to allowing things to progress without medical interventions?"

Wow, well I could cross that question off of my list. A few of the doctors answered her question, including mine, stating they love for us to come in with plans, and if we'd like an unmedicated birth to be up front about it, let the hospital staff know when we get their because they make a special effort to pair certain labor and delivery nurses with women depending on the kind of birth we're going for. All of them said their first and foremost job is to get us our baby safe and sound, and secondly, they want us to have a good experience.

The series of questions that followed seemed to be all stolen out of my mouth. In fact, I began to wonder if some of the women in my room were women who've been coaching me online... Women on Twitter who are almost anti-hospital birth and would prefer to deliver at home.

There were questions about stalling in labor, and how long they'll let us go before recommending an intervention, letting the cord pulse for awhile after birth, what positions we can labor in, and if they'd let us walk around. I was honestly quite surprised at the amount of women who had the same questions I did. They each seemed very stern and attentive when listening to the responses.

Of course not everyone in the room had the same concerns, there was another group who wanted to know how a scheduled cesarean process would work, and wanted to know how soon, and how late they could get an epidural. But I was amazed at how knowledgeable and confidant so many of these woman were in their desires. I think sometimes we sell ourselves short in assuming women don't do their research... At least I know I have people telling me to do my research ALL the time, when sometimes I feel like saying: "I bet I've done WAY more research than you did when you were having your first baby."

I think, or at least I hope, in this day and age women are feeling more empowered, and learning more about labor, but they also aren't feeling the need to hide away in their homes simply because they feel like they can't get the level of care they desire from a hospital and doctor.

Speaking from my own experience... I know home birth isn't my thing. Nothing against it, I just don't want to do it. I'd prefer to take a little vacation to the hospital and have people take care of me for awhile. Plus, my insurance covers a hospital birth 100% whereas a home birth would end up costing me much more (not the usual case I know). But I also don't want to be cut open for convenience. I feel like I found a happy medium finding an OB group I really like with a great birthing philosophy, as well as a hospital with great accommodations.

As more questions were asked and answered, my husband and I talked about the responses and took notes. Some of the things I was happy to learn about:

-The baby is placed directly on the mother's belly right after birth and the cord isn't clamped right away.

-Husbands/partners are asked to cut the cord after the baby is born. If they don't want to cut it, that's fine too, but they give them the chance.

-They no longer do episiotomies.

-There's a new policy where women ARE allowed to eat during early labor (whatever they don't mind possibly seeing come back up). During active labor clear liquids/foods are allowed, like popsicles, ice chips, water, etc.

-During early and even active labor, without an epidural women are allowed, even encouraged to walk around to help their labor progress. There are showers in all of our rooms as well and they encourage us to use them.

-They have doula recommendations to help during labor (I'm not getting one, but I've heard some people say OBs don't like doulas... Either a lie, or my practice once again is cooler than most).

-They have other pain medication we can take if we don't want an epidural but want the "edge taken off." They did say it makes you woozy, but that you can still move around on a birthing ball etc, with assistance. I didn't catch the name of the drug but I'll ask at my next appointment.

I like the idea of moving around more, because if I get an epidural they pretty much said I'll have to stay in bed and labor there, on my side or slightly upright (if I can support myself/be supported). But I've also heard that some IV drugs are uncomfortable. So I guess we'll have to see how it goes, but I like knowing I have several options for pain if I decide I don't want to deal with it.

And last but not least, someone asked if we have to labor and deliver on our back or if we could be in a different position. This was something I was really eager to hear their answer too because it's #5 on Lamaze's healthy birth practices "Avoid giving birth on your back and follow your body's urges to push." I watched the video and the "pushing when you feel he urge to push" part seems a little common sense to me, and less complicated than the positions part. One thing it says to do is ask your practitioner during your pregnancy how they feel about different positions so you know if they'll support you during labor.

The doctors were all very nice in saying that they have birthing bars that we can use, and they'll position the bed in different ways if that's what we want to do. They said we can try whatever we want and they'll go with it if it's effective, but they may try suggesting something else if it's not working. They did point out though that the squatting position can to lead to more tearing, which sounds ouchy to me, but I'll have to learn more about other alternative labor positions like kneeling on all fours later, hopefully during our childbirth class, and find ways to avoid that.

(birthing/squatting bars)

Having read quite a bit about laboring in positions OTHER THAN your back, I know sitting up can has benefits like helping with gravity pulling the baby down, ease pain, and a shorter pushing stage of labor among other things. I'm totally happy with that answer for now. I would expect to be given a chance to try something and see how it works, and hey, if a different position works better cool.

And once she's out I'm going to have them put on one of these adorable trendy hospital hats from Tweedle Bug Boutique so she stands out from the crowd (I had to find a way to squeeze in a plug for her adorable first hats!!)

Overall after that experience, and then touring the hospital just after to see where I'll be having my daughter I feel a lot more confidant, trusting, empowered and even excited about labor, probably than every before.

Lately I feel like I've been bombarded with negativity towards obstetricians and hospitals which really was starting to push me into a corner of fear and anxiety about my birthing experience. Even while I tweeted during my #OBmeetandgreet I got responses that were negative, and seemingly trying to counter every positive comment I made about the meeting.

When I mentioned that I could labor [and push] in different positions some replied saying things like "OBs say a lot of vaginal-baby things up until it's time to give birth." Sorry, but what kind of BS is that? And I'm not going to say it was all of the "crunchy" people who were being pessimistic. A few commented saying "you say that now" in reference to my tweet about trying to deliver without an epidural... But honestly, I'd much rather hear things like that than remarks that scream "Your OB is trying to screw up your life."

I wish more of us supported each other in the decisions that we make, and helped each other to have the best experience going forward.

I'm having my baby at a hospital, with an OB. I've made my decision. That doesn't make me better or worse than anyone else, but it works for me, and just because it may not have worked for you doesn't mean I'm doomed.

***

**PS: For people who were offended by my "hide away at home" remark let me explain my meaning. I don't mean hide in a bad way. Some animals like cats prefer to birth in private places and "hide away." I think that's a more intimate experience and great for those who want that experience in their own personal space. But to me... Instead of compromising my feelings of wanting to have my birth in a hospital environment, I'd rather find a hospital and staff that has the same attitude towards birth that I do, and supports my choices. I'm APPLAUDING women for taking a stance and fighting for what they want. What's the point of telling women we need to be stand up for our rights but not face the issue directly? What's the point of having a list of questions to ask doctors their philosophy on birth if you're just going to say "well, they're lying?" when you happen to find the right one? To me, addressing the issue straight on, and confronting OBs about concerns you have with their practice is moving in a direction of change. If I didn't want to worry about "putting up a fight" and wanted to have a home birth experience with a midwife I'd do it, but I don't. So I'm dealing with the cards I'd dealt for myself.

PPS: My OB does practice evidence-based medicine, I talked to nurses at the hospital as well, and they are VERY big breastfeeding advocates... Contrary to what some have suggested.

PPPS: While I don't love un-supportive comments I DO love birth stories. If you have one you've posted about I'd love to read it. My birth story link up is here.**

This is a part of a blog carnival post about childbirth you can read more Lamaze's Healthy Birth Practices posts here.

Lamaze Mom To Be Gift Set

On my MomTV show earlier this week I talked about my Top 10 Pregnancy Must-Haves! I'm still working on a post-version for my blog, hopefully I'll get it up this week. But one of the things I think every pregnant woman asks and/or thinks about is stretch mark cream!

I've been told using things like coco butter and shea butter help prevent stretch marks, but water intake does too!

I'm very very prone to stretch marks... In fact I think it's almost a lost cause for me, and I expect to get them on my belly. I grew quickly when I was younger and have them on my knees, I have them on my thighs, even my booty... So why should by tummy be lucky?

Now, when I was looking into birthing classes and techniques of course Lamaze was one of the first ones to come up and come to mind... But who knew they also made toys, and mom to be products? I didn't!
The Lamaze organization is dedicated to supporting and promoting healthy birth practices for women. I've loved looking at their site and watching their labor videos, and reading about their healthy birth practices. I have a long way to go before labor, but I'm sure I'll be learning, and sharing, a lot more about them!

They sent me the Mom to Be Gift Set, and it was one of the first "pregnancy" things I got! I've loved using the lotions and belly creams and I have to honestly say... They smell soooo good! I have another shea butter product from another company and the Lamaze one smells so much better! It's such a fun way to pamper myself!

Here's a little more info about what's in it:

A perfect gift for expecting moms, the Mom-to-Be Gift Set contains 2oz. containers of the following hypoallergenic Lamaze Body Care items: Lamaze Belly Butter - exceptional for keeping the skin elastic and stretchy during pregnancy, as well as soothing itchy bellies. Key ingredients include organic and natural cocoa butter, and shea butter.

Lamaze Belly Cream - contains a variety of healing and emulsifying ingredients clinically proven to help minimize the appearance of stretch marks and scarring.

Lamaze Moisturizing Body Cream - a luscious alternative to regular lotion with a thick, creamy feel that leaves skin incredibly moist yet won't leave the skin greasy

Lamaze Cooling Leg and Foot Cream - provides a revitalizing foot and leg massage, cooling and moisturizing with thick, penetrating cream.

Lamaze Sitz Bath Powder - this healing bath powder will foam to a wonderful lather while helping soothe and heal your body after pregnancy.

So... I'm prone to stretch marks but I'm trying to use this religiously, and hoping maybe if I work hard to prevent these I can have one part of my body scar-free!

Like the gift set? You can BUY it for $25 (actually it's on sale right now for $19.99) from Learning Curve. It's a great baby shower gift!

Or you can WIN one here! Here's how to enter:
Be(come) a follower of my blog
Give me a healthy pregnancy or labor tip. Visit Lamaze International for ideas! Leave it in the comments!

For extra entries, leave additional comments if you:

-Check out the 6 Lamaze Healthy Birth Practices and tell me your favorite.
-View and leave a comment on one of the videos in the Lamaze library
-Sign up for the Confident Pregnancy Week-by-Week email
-Determine who your local Lamaze-certified Childbirth Educator is, and leave her name in the comments
-Join Lamaze on Facebook
-Follow Lamaze on Twitter
-Fill out The Birth Survey
-Visit the web site for Lamaze Pregnancy, Birth & Beyond Magazine and share one new thing you found interesting about Lamaze, pregnancy, or birth.
-Tweet about this giveaway: "I'm in it to win a Mom to be Gift Set from @LamazeOnline on @FutureMama's blog http://bit.ly/7TBITt" (one per day)
-Become my Facebook Fan
-Add my new "Full Term of Giveaways" button to your blog!
-Add my button to your blog!
-Post about this giveaway on your blog.
-Email Subscribe to my blog (don't forget to confirm your email!)
-Subscribe to my blog through one of these feeds (let me know which one in comments).
-Vote for me on Top Baby Blogs (per day/computer) (just click the link)
-Tell me how you heard about this giveaway (you read my blog regularly, saw it on Twitter, etc.)

This giveaway ends January 9th at 11:59pm. Good luck!

Disclosure: I was not paid for doing this review and giveaway. I was given a {mom to be gift set} for the purpose of conducting the review.

PS: This is a part of my Full Term of Giveaways. If you're interested in sponsoring a pregnancy or fertility related review and giveaway please use the "contact" link above or email babymakingmachine{at}gmail.com. Stay tuned for tons of fun!

*****

Winner of Prego Planner: Random.org says commenter #2: Julia! Congrats!

Julia said...
2

i tweeted the tweet you have above!!

December 24, 2009 9:04 PM