How Social Media Influenced My Birth Views and How I Changed Them Back

I was literally on the floor bawling when my husband got home from the gym. He may have thought I was crying from the contractions I had been having for the past 22 hours, but I wasn't. I was crying because they stopped, and because I was worried about being induced.

"What are you most worried about?" He asked me. "That it may lead to a c-section?"

I shook my head. "I was just looking forward to waking up in the middle of the night and the excitement of the surprise of it all," I admitted.

He sat silent for a few seconds before comforting me some more. He told me what he'd remember more than the hustle and bustle of getting to the hospital and getting her out, would be seeing her for the first time. And watching me watching her, and falling in love with our little creation.

After gaining some composure we went to the nursery where he said a sweet prayer for me. A prayer which key points I'll remember forever. A prayer that truly calmed my soul, and has made me feel better about--and more excited to meet our daughter than ever before.

Over the past year I've been inundated in a world so many people don't know exists. People know about social media--sure--but not many understand the cliques, the strong opinions and even radical groups that are out there.

I'm a curious woman, and being the journalist I am, I really enjoy learning about different sides of a story. I would say "both sides" but there are more than two sides to almost every story.

When it comes to birth, I grew up only really knowing about one side--The side most all of my friends have experienced--The side I've been comfortable with all my life. That's hospital births, usually with pain medication, sometimes involving inductions or other medical procedures.

Positioning myself as a huge spectacle online has put me in the spotlight and made me fresh meat to any and every mom who has an opinion about anything. Most commonly, or at least most noticeably, I get comments from the "crunchy" type. The moms who feel natural is best, sometimes despite popular beliefs and what anyone else says.

At first I thought some of these people had a few loose screws, but as I've gotten to know them, I've learned more about where they're coming from, and started to learn a different side of things I may have never been open to learning had it not been for their influence online.

Now the difficult part in befriending said-crunchies, sharing with them my pregnancy experiences, listening to their experiences, sympathizing with them, and learning from them, is that I grew to feel an immense amount of pressure. As if they'd taken me under their wing and were watching me like a hawk to see if I'd make the wrong move.

I began to worry about choosing to get an epidural, not because of rare and possible side effects, but because if I did go into the "cascade of interventions" I'd disappoint (or probably prove right) my acquaintances. I was more nervous about disappointing my audience with my birth story, than doing what I really wanted to do, and the added stress was obvious at home.

My husband insists I don't blog my birth story; that I experience it for me, and not worry about sharing the ifs whens and hows to the world.

"Just say we had a baby, The End," he tried to persuade me. "That's all that matters."

"Yes, but women like to talk about and read these things," I pushed back. "It's like our version of war stories we like to share."

"But who needs to know how many doses of pitocin you get, or why you got an epidural? That's just opening the door to let people judge you and make you feel bad."

Basically he's saying I'd be asking for it. True. To an extent. I don't think anyone asks to be critically judged, but putting yourself out there like I have does assume that position. The difference is now I have the confidence to stand behind my decisions no matter what someone else says.

Before starting my blog I never focused on what kind of birth I wanted... Other than the end result to have a baby. I knew c-sections happened, and I never thought they were a big deal. I knew if I needed one, so be it. After developing my blog and its audience, the thought of having a c-section felt like it would equal a failed birth.

Why? Why? WHY?

I don't feel that way deep down. I don't. I know some people do, and that's their challenge they'll have to overcome--Or not, if they don't want to. I had let other people's opinions on what's right and wrong in a situation brainwash me into believing that if it didn't go a certain way, I was cheated. But I shouldn't have let their negative feelings about a birth outcome change my views of what's important to me.

There's a difference between being uneducated--Naive, and differing in opinions with someone. Everyone can find a different study to go along with their viewpoint.

Something I think a lot of people need to suck up and realize is just because someone's opinion differs from yours doesn't mean they haven't done their research, or that they are wrong. It just means after looking at the evidence, you both came to different conclusions. Nothing is wrong with that. Can we please shout that message to the world of moms, the world of women?--Just because we disagree doesn't mean I'm wrong.

A friend of mine who was induced before her due date tells me everything went perfectly well for her, her baby's fine, and "I was having a big baby, nothing is wrong with inducing early."--While the next person tells me I should wait it out as long as possible, "43 weeks or more can be totally fine, the baby won't stay in there forever."

I smile at both of them, knowing I disagree equally. I've read that it's best inductions aren't done before 40 weeks because calculations could be off and you can be risking having your child prematurely. I also have read that staying pregnant longer than 42 weeks can increase the chances of infection, injury during a vaginal birth, and double your chances for needing a cesarean section.

I'm done being everyone's baby doll. I know most have good intentions but it's become information overload.

I enjoy hearing other people's experiences, and learning from them, but the truth is everyone has different experiences, and there's no cookie-cutter solution for everyone. And it all goes a little too far when people start telling you the way your deciding things are wrong, just because it may not have worked for them.

My sweet husband reminds me that he and I are in this together, for our baby. And no one else's opinion on the means of which she gets here matters.

I'M her mother. I know what's best for her and I'm not going to let the next person--be it doctor, blog writer or twitter follower--tell me they know better.

As of now we are considering inducing labor July 3rd. No longer do I feel anxious or disappointed about the possibility, I'm excited about our decision. It may not be what's right for you, but I'm at peace with the choice. I may not have the "OMG this is it!" moment in the middle of the night, but I will get to get dressed up before we go in, and plan around her new due date. I'm finding the positive sides in what some may consider a negative position.

Most of all, I'm so happy to know that I'll finally be meeting my daughter in less than a week. I feel divinely guided in the decisions we're making for our family and whatever happens will be what's meant to happen for us.

Don't Tell Me How to Have My Baby!

"We didn't get into medicine because we want to screw with your lives, we got into medicine because we like mothers and babies and we want to help them."

While phrased in a strange way, I understood where she was coming from. The woman who said that was replying to a series of questions posed by audience members at a meet and greet I attended this week.

It was a chance for pregnant women to ask questions and talk with all of the OBs in our practice, plus the on-call OBs who could possible deliver us in the 30% chance we don't get our own.

My husband and I sat on the second row, eager to hear what women wanted to ask as well as what these obstetricians had to say. I wasn't sure what to expect when I arrived. I had pages of my Prego Planner twisted around my fingers, as I fumbled through my notes, thinking if I was brave enough to ask any of my questions in front of the room of around 40 couples.

I got some of my ideas for questions from the reading the outline of the Lamaze Healthy Birth Practices. Others, from friends like Emily Dicky, who recently had her baby by a cesarean she, and many others in the blogosphere say was unnecessary. I thought getting questions from her that she "would have asked" would be a great way to find the right OB for me.

All of the doctors introduced themselves, and told us about their background. My husband and I listened to their backgrounds and remarks, and found we liked the personalities and stories of my OB, and one other on the end the best... Coincidentally, those were both the women recommended by our family practitioner whom we love.

After their brief introductions they opened it up to questions. Of course, we were all a little hesitant at first, but one woman who appeared to be a little further along than I had the balls to throw out the first one.

"I want a natural labor," she said very matter of fact. "How open are you to allowing things to progress without medical interventions?"

Wow, well I could cross that question off of my list. A few of the doctors answered her question, including mine, stating they love for us to come in with plans, and if we'd like an unmedicated birth to be up front about it, let the hospital staff know when we get their because they make a special effort to pair certain labor and delivery nurses with women depending on the kind of birth we're going for. All of them said their first and foremost job is to get us our baby safe and sound, and secondly, they want us to have a good experience.

The series of questions that followed seemed to be all stolen out of my mouth. In fact, I began to wonder if some of the women in my room were women who've been coaching me online... Women on Twitter who are almost anti-hospital birth and would prefer to deliver at home.

There were questions about stalling in labor, and how long they'll let us go before recommending an intervention, letting the cord pulse for awhile after birth, what positions we can labor in, and if they'd let us walk around. I was honestly quite surprised at the amount of women who had the same questions I did. They each seemed very stern and attentive when listening to the responses.

Of course not everyone in the room had the same concerns, there was another group who wanted to know how a scheduled cesarean process would work, and wanted to know how soon, and how late they could get an epidural. But I was amazed at how knowledgeable and confidant so many of these woman were in their desires. I think sometimes we sell ourselves short in assuming women don't do their research... At least I know I have people telling me to do my research ALL the time, when sometimes I feel like saying: "I bet I've done WAY more research than you did when you were having your first baby."

I think, or at least I hope, in this day and age women are feeling more empowered, and learning more about labor, but they also aren't feeling the need to hide away in their homes simply because they feel like they can't get the level of care they desire from a hospital and doctor.

Speaking from my own experience... I know home birth isn't my thing. Nothing against it, I just don't want to do it. I'd prefer to take a little vacation to the hospital and have people take care of me for awhile. Plus, my insurance covers a hospital birth 100% whereas a home birth would end up costing me much more (not the usual case I know). But I also don't want to be cut open for convenience. I feel like I found a happy medium finding an OB group I really like with a great birthing philosophy, as well as a hospital with great accommodations.

As more questions were asked and answered, my husband and I talked about the responses and took notes. Some of the things I was happy to learn about:

-The baby is placed directly on the mother's belly right after birth and the cord isn't clamped right away.

-Husbands/partners are asked to cut the cord after the baby is born. If they don't want to cut it, that's fine too, but they give them the chance.

-They no longer do episiotomies.

-There's a new policy where women ARE allowed to eat during early labor (whatever they don't mind possibly seeing come back up). During active labor clear liquids/foods are allowed, like popsicles, ice chips, water, etc.

-During early and even active labor, without an epidural women are allowed, even encouraged to walk around to help their labor progress. There are showers in all of our rooms as well and they encourage us to use them.

-They have doula recommendations to help during labor (I'm not getting one, but I've heard some people say OBs don't like doulas... Either a lie, or my practice once again is cooler than most).

-They have other pain medication we can take if we don't want an epidural but want the "edge taken off." They did say it makes you woozy, but that you can still move around on a birthing ball etc, with assistance. I didn't catch the name of the drug but I'll ask at my next appointment.

I like the idea of moving around more, because if I get an epidural they pretty much said I'll have to stay in bed and labor there, on my side or slightly upright (if I can support myself/be supported). But I've also heard that some IV drugs are uncomfortable. So I guess we'll have to see how it goes, but I like knowing I have several options for pain if I decide I don't want to deal with it.

And last but not least, someone asked if we have to labor and deliver on our back or if we could be in a different position. This was something I was really eager to hear their answer too because it's #5 on Lamaze's healthy birth practices "Avoid giving birth on your back and follow your body's urges to push." I watched the video and the "pushing when you feel he urge to push" part seems a little common sense to me, and less complicated than the positions part. One thing it says to do is ask your practitioner during your pregnancy how they feel about different positions so you know if they'll support you during labor.

The doctors were all very nice in saying that they have birthing bars that we can use, and they'll position the bed in different ways if that's what we want to do. They said we can try whatever we want and they'll go with it if it's effective, but they may try suggesting something else if it's not working. They did point out though that the squatting position can to lead to more tearing, which sounds ouchy to me, but I'll have to learn more about other alternative labor positions like kneeling on all fours later, hopefully during our childbirth class, and find ways to avoid that.

(birthing/squatting bars)

Having read quite a bit about laboring in positions OTHER THAN your back, I know sitting up can has benefits like helping with gravity pulling the baby down, ease pain, and a shorter pushing stage of labor among other things. I'm totally happy with that answer for now. I would expect to be given a chance to try something and see how it works, and hey, if a different position works better cool.

And once she's out I'm going to have them put on one of these adorable trendy hospital hats from Tweedle Bug Boutique so she stands out from the crowd (I had to find a way to squeeze in a plug for her adorable first hats!!)

Overall after that experience, and then touring the hospital just after to see where I'll be having my daughter I feel a lot more confidant, trusting, empowered and even excited about labor, probably than every before.

Lately I feel like I've been bombarded with negativity towards obstetricians and hospitals which really was starting to push me into a corner of fear and anxiety about my birthing experience. Even while I tweeted during my #OBmeetandgreet I got responses that were negative, and seemingly trying to counter every positive comment I made about the meeting.

When I mentioned that I could labor [and push] in different positions some replied saying things like "OBs say a lot of vaginal-baby things up until it's time to give birth." Sorry, but what kind of BS is that? And I'm not going to say it was all of the "crunchy" people who were being pessimistic. A few commented saying "you say that now" in reference to my tweet about trying to deliver without an epidural... But honestly, I'd much rather hear things like that than remarks that scream "Your OB is trying to screw up your life."

I wish more of us supported each other in the decisions that we make, and helped each other to have the best experience going forward.

I'm having my baby at a hospital, with an OB. I've made my decision. That doesn't make me better or worse than anyone else, but it works for me, and just because it may not have worked for you doesn't mean I'm doomed.

***

**PS: For people who were offended by my "hide away at home" remark let me explain my meaning. I don't mean hide in a bad way. Some animals like cats prefer to birth in private places and "hide away." I think that's a more intimate experience and great for those who want that experience in their own personal space. But to me... Instead of compromising my feelings of wanting to have my birth in a hospital environment, I'd rather find a hospital and staff that has the same attitude towards birth that I do, and supports my choices. I'm APPLAUDING women for taking a stance and fighting for what they want. What's the point of telling women we need to be stand up for our rights but not face the issue directly? What's the point of having a list of questions to ask doctors their philosophy on birth if you're just going to say "well, they're lying?" when you happen to find the right one? To me, addressing the issue straight on, and confronting OBs about concerns you have with their practice is moving in a direction of change. If I didn't want to worry about "putting up a fight" and wanted to have a home birth experience with a midwife I'd do it, but I don't. So I'm dealing with the cards I'd dealt for myself.

PPS: My OB does practice evidence-based medicine, I talked to nurses at the hospital as well, and they are VERY big breastfeeding advocates... Contrary to what some have suggested.

PPPS: While I don't love un-supportive comments I DO love birth stories. If you have one you've posted about I'd love to read it. My birth story link up is here.**

This is a part of a blog carnival post about childbirth you can read more Lamaze's Healthy Birth Practices posts here.

The Cloth Diapers

In my quest of "what's crunchy?" I got a HUGE response... Actually my biggest one yet. A lot of women gave me their opinions of what makes a woman crunchy and why they choose to live that way. Some things REALLY intrigued me, and others made me think "No way!" I talked to my husband about a few of the ideas and one of them was the notion to try using cloth diapers. His answer was pretty much an immediate "no way."

If there's one thing I've heard over and over in my pre-pregnancy state it's "diapers are expensive." And "start stalking up once you know your pregnant." Well unless I want to keep a towel around my baby or invest in a lot of carpet shampoo, I think I'm obviously going to with some form of diaper... But which is cheaper? I've heard people say cloth diapers are WAY less expensive more eco-friendly, and better for the bottom. And I've heard others say the water and energy you use cleaning them make up for the difference. Now time is money, so if I'm spending hours upon hours cleaning dirty diapers it probably will get old...(evil grin) But I do have a husband, and I've only done laundry a handful of times in my 4.5 years of marriage... So I'm counting on the fact that I won't have to worry about that, if we so choose this path.

The next item to consider is appearance. When I imagined cloth diapers I pictured literally a soft washcloth-like material safety-pinned around the baby's bottom. Something like this:Well little did I know things are more advanced nowadays, and cloth diapers can actually look like REAL diapers, and have nice velcro, patterns and tags, the whole nice yards! I recently learned how to sew. I learned because I wanted to make matching dog collars and leashes for Snoop. That's all I can make though. The thought of sewing any kind of clothing item terrifies me, much less a cute diaper. But it would be SO FUN to make diapers for my kids... I think. Probably until they poop in them, then I'd probably want to throw it away.-- Then again maybe I wouldn't because of all the TIME it took me to make!-- Now I'm on to something... If I MAKE the diapers I won't want to throw them away (cause I'd probably throw away something I bought).

I came across Amber's website DiaperKit.com and honestly, I think I could do this... And if I can do it, anyone can do it! What I hate most about sewing is all of the cutting, and what's nice about these is that all the material is already cut and ready, you just sew it together! The kits start as low as in the $5 range. Imagine how many diapers you could make and wash and save and use on future babies! Hmmm... Whatdoyathink?

I know there's quite a few women who read my blog who are ALL for cloth diapers. I've also connected with quite a few on Twitter and I'm really interested in why you choose (or don't choose) this path.

Either if you do, or are considering it Amanda and I have a little gift for you. Anyone who purchases one of her diaperkits or pre-made diapers between now and May 21st will get a 10% discount. She also donated an adorable pre-made diaper that is so cute it actually made me think I am going to try these things... At least one. It's worth a try right? How about you win it and give it a try! It's a size small so it can fit babies 10-20 pounds. It's white, 100% cotton, and super absorbent! You don't need a diaper cover with this cause it's all in one! It also has an adorable little tag on the front that says "I Love Cloth."

So shop around, leave a comment here and let me know what kit or diaper you like best and why you use or would consider using cloth diapers. That's your entry. I'll draw a winner from randomizer.org on May 9th! If you don't and don't want to use them, still tell me why! I want to know both sides :)
You can get extra entries by:
-Being a follower of my blog
-Tweeting or Facebooking etc. this post
-Blogging about this post
-Have or grab my button and put it on your blog!

Please leave me a comment for each extra entry. Giveawat ends 5/9 Good Luck!
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The Sleep (Or Lack Thereof)

Ok a lot of the crunchy ideas I'm learning about from women on the topic of my last post is REALLY interesting. Some of the things I'd NEVER heard of (eating the placenta? Waaaa!??!) and am not quite sure if it's all up my alley, but I'm getting lots of study and book recommendations on both sides that I'm excited to delve more into. My mom was a WAY SOGGY maybe liquid mom. I had regular disposable diapers, didn't breastfeed, got all sorts of shots, slept separate (I think) didn't get worn, and I don't think I've ever eating anything organic. I turned out ok didn't I?

Most of these options I won't have to worry about myself for awhile... Hey, I'm not knocked up yet. But I think it still makes for interesting conversation. The biggest debate I am most interested in right now is the co-sleeping issue.

My husband and I didn't sleep in the same bed before we were married, and it was pretty evident the first month or so. He'd wake up with bruises all over, once I even gave him a black eye. I would (and still kind of do) move around a lot when I sleep, toss and turn all over, and take him in as victim to my swings. Now we have a California king sized bed and he's pretty safe, when my dog jumps on the bed though, I usually kick him away from my side of the bed. I like the idea of co-sleeping but I worry about two things, one of them being killing my child.

Someone did make a point in saying you wouldn't roll over on your baby just like you wouldn't roll off the bed. That's a good point. I am scared of the edge of the bed... I can't have a finger, a toe hanging off (long story). So perhaps I wouldn't roll over on my child. But even if my child is able to escape my sleeping wrath, what if my husband makes up for it? It seems like it would make breastfeeding easier, but really... I think I'd be scared to accidentally kill my child the first night, I may do a bassinet near the bed or something for awhile.

The other question I had about co sleeping, which an anonymous commenter and Joy brought up. So... When do ya do it? Ya know? The freeky deeky. I know the time for lovin' goes down when you have a kid (at least that's what I hear, I sure hope not) but it seems like it would go WAY down if your kid(s) is in the bed with you! And what if they're older, as in not babies, and sleeping in your bed? Do you kick them out for a little while then bring them back? Or do you have to schedule intimate time during different times of the day?... Or is that just put on hold for awhile?

The answer to this question may answer if I could really do it or not!