My Baby Birthing Tips

So as a grand finale to your pregnancy there's the birth. I've only done it once and I'm not going to act like I know all of the answers on the subject. There is no cookie-cutter answer to anything and everyone's birth is different, but I do have some tips based on what I did and learned to help you prepare to have a good experience.



1. Choose Your Caregiver Wisely: I can't emphasize this enough. If you want to deliver your baby at home or in a birth center, you'll most likely use a midwife. If you want to deliver at a hospital you have a choice. You can't assume all OB's are evil and all midwives are angels, you've gotta do some digging and not be afraid to talk to your potential caregiver about your concerns and desires.



Ask your friends who they recommend. I had a prenatal massage by a really sweet doula who told me she loved my OB. Coming from a woman who works a lot with women who birth at home this meant a lot to me.



You also can check out Lamaze's Birth Survey results. I filled one out, and you can too (if you've given birth before), about your provider so people know who are researching their providers can read about your experiences.



Some questions you can ask when deciding on who to choose: What's your birth philosophy? Do you have a time line for how long you think a woman should be in active labor? How long past a due date are you comfortable letting a woman go before suggesting induction? What do you think about doulas?



Or anything else you may be concerned about. You can ask how often they perform cesareans, or how often women in their practice labor without any interventions. You can even ask how soon they'll let you get an epidural, or how late.



2. Be Up Front: This kinda goes with #1. You want to be up front with your caregiver about what kind of experience you're looking for. Wouldn't you hate to find out 9 months in that they prefer you stay in bed during labor? It wouldn't be fun starting the search all over again. Also ask questions about your hospital's policy. Mine didn't have strict rules about food and liquids during labor, but many do. Ask what positions you can labor or deliver in (if that's something you're concerned about).



3. Take a Childbirth Class: And have your partner go with you! They're fun and educational. You really can't go wrong by taking one. I took a Lamaze class and loved it. I also listened to some hypnosis but that wasn't for me... I fell asleep every time I turned them on but during labor I HATED it (personally, but I know a lot it works for!).



4. Have a Birth "Plan": I prefer the term "birth wishes" or "preferences" rather than "plan" because you really can't plan what you're baby's going to do. However, it's still a good idea to think about what you'd like to happen in a perfect world. Or in a not so perfect world. I even had an "in case of an emergency" section of mine with things like "let the sheet down after she's born... etc" in case I needed an emergency c-section. It's not a bad idea to think about your preferences in a situation like that.



Write it early, (you can always change it as you go. I had 2 or 3 versions) and talk it over with your caregiver.



6. Have a Music Playlist (or Two): I had three different labor playlists: Upbeat, Relaxation, and Just Meeting (one to play after she came out). The upbeat one totally had me in the zone more than anything else when I was working through my contractions. I was just moving around on my yoga ball to the beat, and breathing on my own. I like music when I work out and I felt like I was getting a workout so it worked. I maybe should have started with relaxing since I was so tense but it's something I'll keep in mind next time.



6-11 Are the Lamaze 6 Healthy Birth Practices (in my words) which I HIGHLY recommend.



6. Let Labor Start on It's Own: If labor gets going on it's own you'll save a lot of medical interventions that come with induction. Obviously I didn't do this one, but I'd recommend it. Here are some tips for keeping you birth as healthy and safe as possible if induction is necessary. And here's what I learned about trying to induce labor naturally, or medically.



7. Get Moving: Walk, move around, and change positions during labor: I took this advice to heart in the first several hours of my labor, even though I was hooked up to monitors and pitocin. This makes it harder but not impossible.



I didn't enjoy walking as much as I did moving on my yoga ball. My Lamaze instructor taught us some thing we could do on a yoga ball and some of them really helped me. Here's a video of me and Lil' J demonstrating a few things I learned.

8. Bring a Buddy: Meaning a loved one, friend or doula who can offer support. I had my husband who learned the Lamaze techniques with me, but it was my mom who got there earlier than expected and was a big help during labor. She wasn't in the room when I pushed (I wanted it to be just my husband and I) but she was rubbing my legs, my back, my feet. Oh man, I didn't realize how much of a help it was to have someone who knew what to do. She'd been through that and while my husband was sweet, he would ask me what I wanted, when I needed him to just do.



I'm not sure I'll go the doula route next time. I think they are awesome and have their place though, so look into it. But a support person can be any woman who knows what you're going through, or even a friend or loved one would do! (Even a doulo husband or partner if you think he'd be helpful).



9. Avoid Interventions You Don't NEED: I was as adamant about this as I could be, even though I was induced. Right before I checked in I got a sweet email from Amy Romano, my Cyber Lamaze Coach, and she gave me some fabulous tips to remember. One that stuck out was to avoid having my water broken. You can delay things longer (as long as there's not an emergency situation preventing this) if you still have your bag of waters intact.



In my "Birth Wishes" I said I'd like my water to break on its own. I can't remember if I addressed internal fetal monitoring, but I knew I personally didn't want that. My water broke before I got my epidural, and that epidural was an intervention I needed. It helped me relax when it was becoming too difficult to do on my own.



You can ask for a heplock and no IV, so you have more freedom of not being hooked up to anything. You can also ask for intermittent or wireless monitoring, so you're not hooked up to a machine constantly. And you can avoid pain killers. If you go to a Lamaze class they go through the positives and negatives of each intervention, so you can decide what's worth it to you. I really enjoyed it because I felt like it was a very unbiased approach to it all.



10. Avoid Giving Birth on Your Back, and Follow Your Urges to Push: I had asked about squat bars and taking off the bottom part of the bed so I was in almost a sitting position versus laying backwards. The nurse said we'd see how it goes without the bars and if I still wanted them they'd bring them in. After a slight push and seeing her head, I knew I wouldn't need them. But they did take off the bottom part of the bed so I wasn't lying on my back to get her out. I was in a more seated position. I think it made it easier for me. She was out in minutes.



I didn't have a huge urge to push, but I know many people do. From what I've heard it's like when you're going to throw up. You know you're going to heave and you can't control it.



My pitocin had been turned off so I wasn't having many contractions, but I could feel the muscles I needed to push her out.



If you don't want to be coached on when to push and for how long, tell them. I wanted to get her out so I was pushing when they weren't saying push, and not pushing when I didn't feel like it. I say go with your instincts on this. Having the epidural does make it more difficult in the "feeling it" aspect, but try what you can!



11. Stick Together: After your baby is born stick together--You and the baby. This helps bonding and breastfeeding.



I asked her to be placed on me right after birth, so my OB didn't suction her mouth, clean her or anything, she just handed her to me, gooey and all. I didn't breastfeed right away cause I honestly wasn't thinking about it, and I kinda forgot, and didn't know how to do it, but a few minutes later I gave it a try (still hadn't a clue what I was doing) and the nurse helped me.



I asked that one of us be with her when she needed to go to the nursery, and that most of her tests be performed in our room.



I think this initial contact helps with breastfeeding and bonding. At least it seems to have helped for me.



12. Let Other Opinions Go: If you're reading this you're involved in social media. Don't do what I did and let other opinions stress you out to where you're more worried about what others will think than your own experience. This goes for your family and friends too. You may love them, but this is your experience.



I had to take a step back and regroup after I realized how all of the influence was doing a number on me.



If you want to have a water birth, and catch your own baby, don't let others sway you. Or if you want to do your hair and makeup before so you can have cute pictures afterward, own it! Someone WILL disagree with something you do no matter what. Don't let it get to you, and do what makes you happy. Don't feel like you need to prove people wrong, or right, just do you, and leave other opinions by the wayside.



I hope this all helps a little if you're preparing to have a baby. These are things I did and some of these may work for you. Some may not. If you'd like more information on healthy birth practices you can check out Lamaze's page where they have videos on each of the subjects, and more detailed descriptions of techniques that can help and why.



Good Luck! And feel free to share your tips for others reading!



Everyone who comments on this post before October 16th will be entered to win a great prize that you or a friend can enjoy before and during labor with your baby. A Sound Beginnings music player from Creative Baby. You can play music and your voice to your baby while listening to the same thing to start bonding early. Little J has loved music from day 1 and I think using something like this made it that way. If you follow @SoundBeginnings on Twitter or their Facebook page you'll get an extra entry.

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Winner of $40 to Kids Room Decor Inc. #40 Miss Sophie. Congrats! You'll have 48 hours to respond to my email!

How Social Media Influenced My Birth Views and How I Changed Them Back

I was literally on the floor bawling when my husband got home from the gym. He may have thought I was crying from the contractions I had been having for the past 22 hours, but I wasn't. I was crying because they stopped, and because I was worried about being induced.

"What are you most worried about?" He asked me. "That it may lead to a c-section?"

I shook my head. "I was just looking forward to waking up in the middle of the night and the excitement of the surprise of it all," I admitted.

He sat silent for a few seconds before comforting me some more. He told me what he'd remember more than the hustle and bustle of getting to the hospital and getting her out, would be seeing her for the first time. And watching me watching her, and falling in love with our little creation.

After gaining some composure we went to the nursery where he said a sweet prayer for me. A prayer which key points I'll remember forever. A prayer that truly calmed my soul, and has made me feel better about--and more excited to meet our daughter than ever before.

Over the past year I've been inundated in a world so many people don't know exists. People know about social media--sure--but not many understand the cliques, the strong opinions and even radical groups that are out there.

I'm a curious woman, and being the journalist I am, I really enjoy learning about different sides of a story. I would say "both sides" but there are more than two sides to almost every story.

When it comes to birth, I grew up only really knowing about one side--The side most all of my friends have experienced--The side I've been comfortable with all my life. That's hospital births, usually with pain medication, sometimes involving inductions or other medical procedures.

Positioning myself as a huge spectacle online has put me in the spotlight and made me fresh meat to any and every mom who has an opinion about anything. Most commonly, or at least most noticeably, I get comments from the "crunchy" type. The moms who feel natural is best, sometimes despite popular beliefs and what anyone else says.

At first I thought some of these people had a few loose screws, but as I've gotten to know them, I've learned more about where they're coming from, and started to learn a different side of things I may have never been open to learning had it not been for their influence online.

Now the difficult part in befriending said-crunchies, sharing with them my pregnancy experiences, listening to their experiences, sympathizing with them, and learning from them, is that I grew to feel an immense amount of pressure. As if they'd taken me under their wing and were watching me like a hawk to see if I'd make the wrong move.

I began to worry about choosing to get an epidural, not because of rare and possible side effects, but because if I did go into the "cascade of interventions" I'd disappoint (or probably prove right) my acquaintances. I was more nervous about disappointing my audience with my birth story, than doing what I really wanted to do, and the added stress was obvious at home.

My husband insists I don't blog my birth story; that I experience it for me, and not worry about sharing the ifs whens and hows to the world.

"Just say we had a baby, The End," he tried to persuade me. "That's all that matters."

"Yes, but women like to talk about and read these things," I pushed back. "It's like our version of war stories we like to share."

"But who needs to know how many doses of pitocin you get, or why you got an epidural? That's just opening the door to let people judge you and make you feel bad."

Basically he's saying I'd be asking for it. True. To an extent. I don't think anyone asks to be critically judged, but putting yourself out there like I have does assume that position. The difference is now I have the confidence to stand behind my decisions no matter what someone else says.

Before starting my blog I never focused on what kind of birth I wanted... Other than the end result to have a baby. I knew c-sections happened, and I never thought they were a big deal. I knew if I needed one, so be it. After developing my blog and its audience, the thought of having a c-section felt like it would equal a failed birth.

Why? Why? WHY?

I don't feel that way deep down. I don't. I know some people do, and that's their challenge they'll have to overcome--Or not, if they don't want to. I had let other people's opinions on what's right and wrong in a situation brainwash me into believing that if it didn't go a certain way, I was cheated. But I shouldn't have let their negative feelings about a birth outcome change my views of what's important to me.

There's a difference between being uneducated--Naive, and differing in opinions with someone. Everyone can find a different study to go along with their viewpoint.

Something I think a lot of people need to suck up and realize is just because someone's opinion differs from yours doesn't mean they haven't done their research, or that they are wrong. It just means after looking at the evidence, you both came to different conclusions. Nothing is wrong with that. Can we please shout that message to the world of moms, the world of women?--Just because we disagree doesn't mean I'm wrong.

A friend of mine who was induced before her due date tells me everything went perfectly well for her, her baby's fine, and "I was having a big baby, nothing is wrong with inducing early."--While the next person tells me I should wait it out as long as possible, "43 weeks or more can be totally fine, the baby won't stay in there forever."

I smile at both of them, knowing I disagree equally. I've read that it's best inductions aren't done before 40 weeks because calculations could be off and you can be risking having your child prematurely. I also have read that staying pregnant longer than 42 weeks can increase the chances of infection, injury during a vaginal birth, and double your chances for needing a cesarean section.

I'm done being everyone's baby doll. I know most have good intentions but it's become information overload.

I enjoy hearing other people's experiences, and learning from them, but the truth is everyone has different experiences, and there's no cookie-cutter solution for everyone. And it all goes a little too far when people start telling you the way your deciding things are wrong, just because it may not have worked for them.

My sweet husband reminds me that he and I are in this together, for our baby. And no one else's opinion on the means of which she gets here matters.

I'M her mother. I know what's best for her and I'm not going to let the next person--be it doctor, blog writer or twitter follower--tell me they know better.

As of now we are considering inducing labor July 3rd. No longer do I feel anxious or disappointed about the possibility, I'm excited about our decision. It may not be what's right for you, but I'm at peace with the choice. I may not have the "OMG this is it!" moment in the middle of the night, but I will get to get dressed up before we go in, and plan around her new due date. I'm finding the positive sides in what some may consider a negative position.

Most of all, I'm so happy to know that I'll finally be meeting my daughter in less than a week. I feel divinely guided in the decisions we're making for our family and whatever happens will be what's meant to happen for us.

My Birth Wishes and Preparing for Birth Part 1

I'm less than eight weeks away from my due date and I've been thinking a lot about our big day... The day she arrives.

I've been torn for a long time on where to put my feelings on the topic of D-Day. I've witnessed people get more emotionally invested than I want to be in how labor plays out. Every time I find myself worrying about how things will play out I force myself to take a step back and realize this is just one day in the rest of my life.

I came across an interesting quote in the first chapter of "The Official Lamaze Guide: Giving Birth With Confidence." It says:

"Research shows that the day a woman gives birth is not 'just another day,' and that decades later, women clearly recall positive and negative aspects of their birth experiences. Women's satisfaction with their birth has little to do with the length, difficulty, or painfulness of their labors and more to do with their personal expectations, their involvements in decision making, and how they were treated by their caregivers."

It goes on to say that your "memories of birth can influence your confidence and self-image in the future." Which is slightly surprising to me. Sure, I may be upset if things don't go the way I want but I think there are so many more moments to relish in rather than one bad experience.

A birth experience that isn't "beautiful" or "perfect" won't make me a bad mother or set my child up for failure. Sure, we may have a few setbacks at first but we'll overcome them, as we'll overcome other challenges in life. That said, I want to prepare myself in every way possible to make the most out of my experience, because like my wedding day... It's just one day, but one I'll remember forever.

Taking control of my Birth Wishes started long before Lamaze class and prenatal yoga. Before I was even pregnant I got numerous referrals from doctors and friends I trusted about obstetricians choices.

I decided to go with an obstetrician because my insurance and because personally, I don't have a problem with it or a hospital birth. I think there are good and bad OBs and Midwives and the issue is finding the right person to care for you no matter if MD comes after their name or not.

One of my biggest pet peeves is stereotypes. I don't like when people assume because of someones looks, OB title, or background they're going to act X, way ie: Cut you open if they're an OB.

That said, it works the opposite way as well. Just because someone is a doctor doesn't mean they're perfect or better qualified to handle your situation.

I went to a dentist who told me I had 13 cavities. Obviously he was trying to make a fortune off me, but I wasn't having it. I went for a second opinion, got a COMPLETELY different analysis, and have been sure to review my experience with his practice on every dental ratings website I can find.

It's sad when you go to someone expecting to be able to trust them because... Oh, they're a PROFESSIONAL, but then they don't act that way. It's called life. And Business.

But birth shouldn't be about business. It's a big deal. A bigger deal than my pearly whites.

My family practitioner, whom we love, referred me to my OB. She's a wonderful woman who is just as talkative as our family doctor. She remembers our names, our baby's name, and always takes time to get to know us and make sure all of our questions have been answered.

Given the information I'd seen about cesarians being at an all time high, I was sure I researched what the rates are for my hospital as well as for my OB practice's office. I discussed labor and delivery practices, and have continuously asked questions about how she handles things, and have been comfortable and confidant with my decision of choosing her.

My first tip for expecting mommies worried about their birth experience: RESEARCH your caregiver. It's not fair to play eenie meenie miny mo then blame your horrible experience on all ____s who have ever delivered a baby.

Now that I'm comfortable with my caregiver, my hospital, and I've toured the facility I'll be having my baby in, I'm preparing for delivering my baby.

I've been back and forth over and over again about my approach to childbirth. Do I want to deliver NATURAL, or MEDICATED? At some times I was SURE I'd get an epidural the moment I walked in. I envisioned myself in a dreamlike state waiting patiently for my baby to arrive while I enjoy the last few calm moments with my husband before we welcome our new baby into our lives. Sounds great right?

I'd say it went something like that for about 80% of my friends. Hospital birth, epidural, beautiful, healthy baby.

Now I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse, but because of the World Wide Web I've come into contact with many people on the OTHER extreme. Home births, natural labor, failed epidurals, stalled labor from epidurals. Who knew there were so many negative possibilities? I didn't. Not until I joined Twitter and had a few dozen people rain on my parade. But somehow I'm grateful for them.

I've come to see a different side of things. And while I'm not on the polar opposite side than before, I'm somewhere in the middle observing both sides and keeping a moderate, yet enlightened stance.

Birth is natural, and I do think more women could have a little more faith in what we can do. I know I needed a little faith-boost myself. I'm not promising that I'm going to have no help with pain medication... But I'm WAY more open to the possibility of natural childbirth than ever before.

I became acquainted with a woman who works for Lamaze and became familiar with their Six Healthy Birth Practices, and agreed to give them a try.

Looking them over first glance the one that states "avoid medical interventions..." made me a little squeamish because I thought that meant "no epidural" (I don't like committing myself to one thing and that leading to disappointment if I change my mind.) but that's not what it means. Their healthy birth practices are a great guide and philosophy for childbirth.

So, what I've decided is I'm going to prepare for a natural labor. I have been, and I will continue to, and plan to stick it out as long as possible. If I can give birth without an epidural, great! If I decide I want it earlier than I thought, fine! But I'm not going to make my decision one way or another at this point in time. I'm going to wait and see what my body tells me to do.

Earlier, you may have noticed I called some of this my "Birth Wishes." Many online friends, as well as my OB suggest writing a "Birth Plan," which outlines how I'd like my labor to go and what I think about certain interventions, or decisions such as "who will cut the umbilical cord."

I decided to call it "Birth Wishes" instead of a "Birth Plan" because I don't think labor isn't something you can plan. From the moment it starts to the moment that child comes out, it's not up to me... But her.

Some criticize me for calling it "wishes" saying it's too forgiving, or flexible-sounding. To be handing the staff attending me a piece of paper and calling it "the plan" is a little pretentious, and I'd rather show them a bit of respect, (even if it's so slight as the title of a document) so that they'll show me the same respect. Anyway, it's what's written in the letter that's more important than the title anyway.

I read a GREAT blog post on this same topic of "what to call a Birth Plan".

I intend to take the list I made from Earth Mama Angel Baby's free birth plan creator, as well as the principles from Lamaze, plus my own twist on things, and write it into a personal letter. Print several copies on heavy card stock and present it with a basket of goodies.

What are my Birth Wishes? It's not all about "no Pitocin" and "don't ask me if I want an epidural, let me ask" ... But a lot of the things important to me are after birth or in the experience of labor... What I'm wearing, or listening to for example and what I want my baby to wear right after birth.

Tomorrow I'll share the next segment of my Birth Wishes with you and the BIG goal I have for my birth experience.

To Doula or Not to Doula?

"My husband does not want a doula, he wants it to be more of an experience between us, and I honestly don’t really think I need one either. I know they can be very helpful and supportive and help tremendously through labor, but I also know they can be expensive, and not necessary. Not necessary, meaning most women I know survive labor without them, and I think we could too. But I’ve had lots and lots of doulas on Twitter tell me I need one, that it’s worth every penny, and that my birthing experience will surely be way better with one… Actually, I’d be crazy not to hire one.

While appealing, I wasn’t buying it. But, I decided I would at least consider a doula, and do a little research before completely throwing the option out..."

That's a part of my new post today on Parenting Magazine's site. Read the rest here! And please share your thoughts with me... Here or there!

I'm still feeling a little overwhelmed and not finding time to update this blog as much as I normally do so I'm posting another link to my new post today on Parenting's site. Hope you don't mind. I'm beginning to run behind on giveaways too so I'll try to get one up tomorrow. More updates soon! Oh, and I finished Spawnie's mobile. I'll post about that soon too!

And are any of you going to be at the CIMS (Coalotion for Improving Maternity Services) Conference this weekend? I'm speaking on a panel with some great women! Topic: "Blogging for a Better Birth" Let me know if you'll be there! Hope to meet some of you!

Being Pregnant and Thoughts on Delivery

I decided to take a little bit of a break from the flashback posts. Some are fun but some I've decided to just save for my journal! No sense looking back now.. Only forward right?

So, what everyone's asking... How I'm FEELING.

I'm feeling good. ALWAYS tired, and almost always nauseous. I haven't thrown up... Sometimes I wish I would, but I'm told that doesn't relieve any nausea, so I guess I'll take what I've got. Let me stress how tired I am... So tired I'm not going to proof-read this post. So please excuse any typos.

I have crazy cravings already. Cravings for Ramen, Mac and Cheese (we're happy the baby is a cheap eater) then brownies, carrots, peaches and jalapeno poppers. Not all at the same time.. But many of them, yes. Did I mention I have the best husband? He makes me/ goes to get me whatever I want. He even brings me grapes in the morning when I'm too nauseous to get up! Ok, I'll stop bragging about him now (by the way today is his birthday!).

So lately... I've been more obsessed than ever with watching baby shows. It's all I have set on my DVR. I know my poor husband is sad it's taking up sports time, but it's quite entertaining for me.

I must admit, they are NOT as fun to watch now that I'm pregnant. I mean, they kind of are, cause they've always been intriguing to me, but it's not as fun thinking about getting this baby out one day... When it's like 10,000Xs bigger.

As far as progress, I found a doctor I LOVE and a hospital I want to deliver at. I checked out a couple of hospitals and a birth center. I chose the hospital I did because of all of the reviews I've read, because I liked the feel of it, because of my doctor and some friends.

I also have a close friend who recently had a baby at another hospital I was considering and she was not impressed at all.

As far as the birth center... I'd have to come out of pocket a lot for it. I wasn't totally sold on it from the beginning, and from the start I thought I'd feel more comfortable in a hospital, so the money was an additional minus for me. Maybe next time... But this time I'm excited to have an OB I love... At a hospital I liked and possibly hire a doula to help along the way.

My OB was referred to me by my family doctor who I love. He gave me her name and one other. I did research on them as well as a few others I was considering, and a couple of midwife groups and I ended up choosing an OB I thought would be perfect for me. When I went to her practice for the first time I felt at home. She and her staff made no only me, but my husband feel comfortable, and she took the time to talk to us, and joke with us... I can't stress enough how much I love her and how excited I am to have her.

I later found out she delivered the baby of a friend I work with... She wasn't her OB but was the on call doctor the day she delivered and my friend told me she liked her more than her own doctor!

One thing that DEFINITELY tells me I'm pregnant is the CONSTANT outpouring of advice!! To my TTC friends here's a fact.. And to my preggo friends and moms... You know this is the truth... People LOVE to tell pregnant people advice. Whether it's some secret remedy for morning sickness, what books to read, how to deliver your baby, what to wear, EVERYONE has something to say.

Luckily for me, I don't mind. I like advice, the more the merrier... But I remember to take it all with a grain of salt, and so far... It's not getting annoying.

I was tweeting about watching a Baby Story which of course took us to the topic of labor. I don't know what it is but it seems like most of my followers are natural birthers/ home birthers etc. I think that's awesome because I get to hear from a side you don't often get to hear from, but the constant pounding about natural labor is making me nervous.

I'm TOTALLY open to things like birthing balls, hypnobirthing, and trying things the natural way but I am NOT against getting an epidural either. I don't see anything wrong with either.

I've had so many friends go into labor with an idea of how they'd do it but things changed. I know people who wanted an epidural right away but were too far along to get one, then ended up doing it naturally. I've known people who wanted no medication, and to try hypnobirthing and dancing through labor but ended up needing an emergency c-section while unconscious.

To be honest I'm not one to stress over how I'm getting my baby out. I just want to get it out when the time is right, and safely. I don't think an epidural is going to hurt my baby any more than delivering it at home unassisted... And I don't care which way others decide to go. I just know that I want to do what's comfortable and right for me. I actually don't get all of the hype/ obsession over Hospitals= Evil or Home births= Reckless.

Since when did people care so much about what other people do? As long as you're not pushing me into one or the other I'm not going to tell you my opinion on your birthing decisions. One solution isn't going to work for everyone. We all have different conditions and different things that make us feel more comfortable.

I feel so bad when women tell me they regret getting an epidural, or regret not going natural the whole way. I don't know why that is exactly but I hope I don't have regrets. My friend who ended up being put out for labor after dreams of a natural birth... Does she have regrets? No! She's happy to have her healthy little girl.

I think it's safe to say I've done my fair share of research. And I'll continue to do it as I go along. But don't hate me if I get drugs ok? We've all gotta do what works for us, and I'd hate to have my good moment ruined my people telling me I drugged my baby.

I hope if I don't put that pressure on myself to have a "perfect labor" I'll just be happy to have my baby in my arms once and for all... Regardless of how it gets its big self out of my womb. Sure, I won't go in begging for an epidural... (Or maybe I will). Either way, I just need to get from point A to point B. (A being enormously pregnant and B being a mom with a healthy new baby in my arms.)

Isn't that what's most important?

That being said, I LOVE reading labor stories! I hear all of the stuff on A Baby Story is overly dramatic... If that's the case, show me what you've got! Write a post about your labor story, or link up to one you've already posted! I've read some crazy ones already... From emergency operations to delivering at home on the stairs! Bring it!

PS: YES... I've seen "The Business of Being Born" I think I'll get that question as much as the question I got when TTC "Have you read 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility'?"

The Mama Drama

"So your daughter just decided to try out for cheer this year out of the blue?" The woman behind me asked my mother.

I was staring out the glass window in front of me, watching the group of middle school cheerleaders play a game as they wrapped up their practice. My sister was one of the girls in that room. She was a "new girl" having just moved to the area, and far from a veteran on the squad.

"Yep," my mother answered her casually, not giving in to her snide remarks.

"Oh, well my daughter has been cheering ever since she was seven years old," the woman continued.

"Is the competition squad down there too mom?" I asked, trying to get the subject off this woman and her daughter.

"Yes and no," my mom answered. "Some girls from each squad make up the competition team."

"My daughter made the competition squad but we told her she couldn't do it," the woman who couldn't take a hint kept going. "She's already on the competition team at her gym, plus the football squad, and with that and school it was just going to be too much."

I rolled my eyes and sent a Tweet: "Hanging out at my sister's cheerleading practice but tired of listening to all of these booshey moms. OMG!!!"

Booshey= Stuck up. I asked my mom how she could stand it, and she told me that's just how moms are. "We're competitive" she said, so matter-of-fact.

And then I began to think... This competitive attitude didn't come out of nowhere. And it didn't start when their kids hit middle school. On previous posts and topics I've touched on, such as stay at home moms, working moms, breastfeeding, labor--All topics that get a big response... All from passionate mothers.

It wasn't the sport of cheerleading that had these mothers tooting their own horns--No, it was The Sport of Motherhood... The most competitive game in the world. From crunchy moms to soggy moms... And even women who aren't moms... Everyone has something to say.

Come on now, let's be honest. I'm not even a mom yet and I can see it. I can see it starts before you even conceive a child. Everyone wants to say something about why you don't have kids... Why you should or shouldn't. How you're selfish if you wait, or selfish if you don't wait.

Then when it's time to conceive, women want to tell you why it's taking so long "don't stress" they say... Yea, right, that's easy. And then some wonder why you don't adopt after you've been trying so long... To those trying it's as if they're saying "give up already."

Then those who do adopt and don't adopt are combating eachother for their differences in opinions on the "whys" and "why nots" of their decisions.

Women who deliver their babies naturally and/or breastfeed criticize those who don't. And even if they're not guilty of that... Some are convinced their kids are or will be smarter because of it.

Women who pull their newborn from their own womb say they have a connection to their child other women miss out on... While others say they enjoyed those few minutes of peace before holding the being they'll forever have as their child.

There have been times when I've almost mistaken a post about a C-section as a story about a murder. Epidurals described as "drugging your baby." And I've read judgments going the other way saying home births are ridiculously irresponsible.

Had I believed the first blog post I read about babies sleeping alone in their cribs I may have thought it was a crime to allow it--Because of the way it was described.

Some say spankings are a bad form of discipline while others say timeout is a joke.

I've had women tell me a woman's place is at home, and no where else. Then some stay at home moms feel under appreciated and say they work harder than any other mom, while working mothers say saying at home would be a breeze. The arguments don't seem to cease on either side.

But what I don't get is the reason for pushing what you believe on others. And making people feel bad for their choices. And why get so defensive when someone doesn't have the same opinion or lifestyle as you?! WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT!

I've even had a woman comment to me, saying the pacifier and bottle pictured on the front of the book on my cartoon header "was not crunchy" and that I should probably take it down. Since when did I proclaim myself crunchy? Or a mom? And why the labels anyway?

It's easy for me to not have a bias now because I'm only facing the facts and opinions in front of me... Versus adding my own personal analytic and experienced opinion. In some ways I think it's a better place to be, because I can look at all of the options with my eyes wide open. I'll admit, I ask for advice and feedback now... Though I can't promise I'll be asking for it when I'm crossing the bridges into motherhood.

But one thing I will promise... No matter which roads I choose to take in my journey to motherhood, I vow to state my opinions as they are, but not make others feel bad for their choices. I also promise to try to remember that there are multiple sides to all stories, and I'll try to consider that in my remarks.

Maybe it's the journalist in me trying to be objective... But I'd like to believe it's a sense of compassion that we ALL hold for one another... Somewhere deep within.

The Labor Fascination

I was 11 when I was in the delivery room while my little sister was born. Oh yea, I watched it all... Come to think of it, I'm not sure why my mom did that to us. I mean, I think birth is a beautiful thing, but I'm pretty sure I didn't know babies came out that way.--Actually while I'm writing this, I'm remembering a demonstration my dad did with my little toy cat called Kitty Surprise! It was a stuffed cat that had three kittens inside. You'd get the kittens out through the Velcro at the stomach-area. My dad took the toy, told me they didn't come out that way, and proceed to demonstrate them coming out of what looked like the butt-area.... I didn't believe him. A few years later that theory was confirmed at my sister's birth.

Since then, I think, I've always had a fascination with births and from "I didn't know I was pregnant" to "A Baby Story" to "Bringing Home Baby" I'm there. Even Especially for all that bloody gory stuff!

I know it's strange, but I tell people all the time if I wasn't a journalist I'd be an OBGYN. Yea... I'd deliver babies! ...Too bad I'm not smart and I hate math. Other than that I think I'd love it! For some people the thought of labor scares them more than any other part of having kids. To me, that's probably the best part. I think the whole pregnancy, baby, mother-baby bond is just fascinating!

To be honest, I didn't really even consider home birth or anything of that sort until I started this blog and began meeting other women who have experienced that. Now the only big thing that turns me off to that idea is the pain--No biggie right? I hate pain. And to be honest I'm not sure I could handle not getting an epidural.

I talked to my mom about it, she delivered me naturally without medication, but with the rest of my siblings she got the epidural--And recommended I don't mess around and just do the same thing.

Going with this... I decided to watch The Business of Being Born. Everyone kept telling me how good of a documentary it is so I decided to give it a whirl last night. Once I got over the initial shock of seeing screaming naked women (cause usually on TLC they've got it all blurred out) it was quite fascinating as well.

Although it seemed a bit biased to me, it did turn me on a little more to the idea of something like a birth center--Maybe. I always thought since I have good insurance, why go to something like that? But then I noticed some of the women in the movie had OB's they went to at the hospital that were kind of their "back up." That made me feel more interested in different options because it's like having two doctors. But just as quickly as that thought came to my mind, a woman in the movie started screaming and I change my mind again. If these women... Women who wanted and planned to have a birth naturally were moaning/screaming in pain, crying and saying they couldn't do it. How am I suppose to deal with something like that?!

The up side to me seems to be when the baby comes out. I love how even though they're all sticky and kinda gross-looking they go straight in mommy's arms. It's so animalistic, natural and I LOVE that. It kind of made me sad, even on "A Baby Story" today when the baby was whisked away to be weighed and cleaned and stuff before the mom got to hold it. Another woman in the documentary grabbed her baby right out of herself, and while it was slightly weird, it was strangely cool too. I wonder if all that pain immediately goes away once you hear and see the baby or if I'd be like "Umm, I can't look at you for a moment, you hurt me."

It would be cool to say "I did it naturally" but I don't know if I'd be able to do it. I'm not sure if the home birth thing is for me... And I'm not sure what my husband would think. I imagine he'd think like the husband/dad/football player I just watched on this show who was like "I don't want all that stuff coming out all over the bed... I've gotta sleep there!"

Speaking of husbands, I've heard some of my friends say they don't want their husbands watching "down there" during labor, for fear they won't want to doit anymore. All I've gotta say is--Not only is my husband going to be watching he's going to be video taping the whole thing (my choice not his)! So the place I deliver DOES have to be a place that allows video cameras cause Lawd knows I've watched enough labors and I want to be able to see my own... Don't worry, I won't play it for you when you come over, I just think it would be cool for me to see later... Again with the fascination. Perhaps I'll even show it to my kids so they WON'T want to go down the "getting pregnant before you'd 'pose to road"... Hey, it worked for me!

But there are so many options.. Water birth looks kind of cool too! I don't know though. I imagine I'll just plan on a hospital cause I HATE pain! And that's pretty much my #1 goal as of now--As painless as possible. Hopefully I'll find a nice one that is cozy and whatnot and can feel like home.-- Maybe I'll even stalk it a lot beforehand so it does feel more homey.

I think I'm going to be one of those sorta-crazy extra-informed people who does a lot of research, reads a lot of books and talks to a lot of professionals before I make my final decision. Yea... I think this is only the beginning of my fascination. Maybe I'm over-thinking it, but one point I thought the documentary made was that a lot of people spend more time choosing a house, or car or TV than they do deciding on how to bring their baby into this world. Umm, just based on this blog alone I DOUBT that will be me.

What do you think of home births, birthing centers, hospital births? I'm not trying to start a debate here on what's better because I think situations are different for each person, but I am interested in knowing what avenue you chose or will choose.

Ok now on to the fun part--One person that may be fun to chat with is a birthing coach or mentor. Sounds a little weird right? Ok.. Maybe it's a little odd, but my fascination couldn't keep me from finding out what the heck that meant and I met Karen Angstad through Twitter and we were chatting about interesting things even before you get to the birth part! She even says she can help teach women how to experience a pain-free birth (and I wonder if the orgasmic births are on her list)! Oh yea, I'm going to be chatting with her about some cool stuff once I'm ready to turn my Baby Makin' Machine "ON!"

Well, after talking with Karen, she was nice enough to offer one of my readers a free one-hour mentor session with her! During your mentor session, discuss your desires, fears, and intentions in relation to your pregnancy, birth and mothering. This is for women pre-conception, mid-pregnancy or post partum (so that covers us all right?!). Uniquely tailored to each woman's needs, Karen's mentor program is focused on empowering each woman to trust in her body's ability to birth, connect to her inner knowing, and find the support and resources she needs to embrace the sacred journey of pregnancy and birth. Conscious parenting begins before birth.

How fun right? Someone to chat with about all this pre-conception, mid-pregnancy, and post labor stuff! She also has a lot of helpful information on her site about "How to expect what you're expecting" etc!

So leave a comment, tell me about your labor experiences or anticipations for the future and you'll be entered in to win the mentor session! Let me know if you follow me, Tweet about the contest, post, subscribe, have my button, or any of that other good stuff for extra entries. I'll draw a number via random.org and in touch with the winner and set you up with Karen. Giveaway ends June 30th. (I'll contact the winner and ask if they'd like to use/gift the session or if you don't need it, pass it to the next winner).

More info about Karen Angstadt: A Birth Mentor with over ten years experience empowering women. As founder of Intentional Birth, Karen's mission is to prevent and heal the pain of birth trauma. She teaches women how to experience pain-free birth, leading them to discover their Inner Guide to the best possible birth experience. She is the author of the Living Intention e-zine and serves women through individual mentoring, tele-seminars, and home study material. Learn more at http://www.intentionalbirth.com/