The Delivery: Lil' J's Birth Story Part 3

Read the Preface
Read Part 1
Read Part 2

I felt another contraction and wasn’t sure if it was as strong as the last few, or if the epidural was kicking in. I kept saying a silent prayer that I wouldn’t be one of those fluke cases of people who are immune to the proclaimed glorious drug.

As that contraction fizzled out I waited for the next but it never came. Well, it did but I didn’t feel it. I was in heaven.

I always thought it was so funny watching a Baby Story and seeing the 180 women did after having an epidural. The dreamy smiles they had on their faces and praises seemed a little overboard to me. Now that I was experiencing this for myself I knew EXACTLY how they felt, and they were not playing!

I had to tell every person who came into the room how wonderful the epidural was.

“Ooh mom, it’s working, this is great! I’m so glad it worked.” I told her.

“This is great, I’m so glad I got the epidural,” I told my nurse Elizabeth.

“This is amazing,” I told my OB and anyone else who would listen.

“Ep-i-DUR-al” I tried to coach my 5-year-old sister to remember the word for a couple of decades.

“I love you,” I said past my husband and to the bag of liquid gold dripping down through my IV.

The epidural man looked even sexier than before when he came back to check on me. Are all anesthesiologists hot? Everything was working great.

Now I was able to sit back, relax and enjoy the last few hours. I joked with my sisters, took a nap, watched TV, and played “guess what she’ll look like,” with my husband.

My OB checked on me, at about 3:30 and I was 8cm dilated, 100% effaced, and a 0 station. Woohooo!! I was on my way to having this baby, and no epidural was slowing me down!

Just an hour later I started to feel pressure in my booty. I didn’t tell anyone, but I knew she was squeezing her little self downward.

I was checked again around 6:30 or so, and fully dilated. My doctor explained since I had a lot of meconium in my amniotic fluid, NICU nurses and doctors would be on standby when my daughter was born. She said if she came out crying, we could continue as planned. She’d hand the baby to me right away, and my husband could cut the cord. But if she wasn’t crying right away, she’d need to be whisked to the people standing by, so they could check on her.

She went to finish something else up but she told the nurses we could start pushing and she’d be back. Sadly, that’s when Elizabeth’s shift was ending. So another nurse came in for the fun part.

There was quite a bit of down time before we got the pushing started. I took that to my advantage and decided to do what?—Take my hair down. My mom helped me unravel a couple dozen rollers from my hair, and get it in place for pictures after the pushing.

Elizabeth did get to see my hair out of rollers right before she left, and was impressed with my preparedness.

I asked for a mirror before she left (not for my hair, but to watch my baby come out) and they brought one out from the back room. I was back and forth on wanting to see but I figured if I had the mirror there I could always choose to look away.

My new nurse sat down beside me and said we could start pushing while we waited and see how much progress I could make.

My husband started to freak out a little, in shock mostly that we were actually about to have our baby. I told him to keep his eyes above my waist, and he had no problem obeying. Our nurse told him to warn her if he was going to pass out.

I didn’t feel a huge urge to push but I did feel pressure when I was having a contraction, and could feel the muscles I needed to use to push down. I pushed them on my own a little while I was waiting cause I could have sworn it felt like a baby was about to fall out of my vagina.

Once I could tell things were about to get going I told my mom I’d have my husband come get her once our baby was born. She and my sisters left to anticipate our daughter in the waiting room.

During a contraction the nurse asked me to push but immediately told me to stop.

“The baby’s head is right there,” she pointed in the mirror. “Can you see that?”

I could! And just as I had hoped, this said head had hair!

My nurse asked me not to push as she called my OB.

“She said you were going to be a great pusher,” my nurse told me. I wondered how anyone could have guessed that, but tried to take it as some sort of compliment.

So this isn’t going to take two hours. I thought to myself. I had heard pushing could easily take an hour, two or three, and get tiring. I was happy to hear it wasn’t going to take me that long.

My doctor asked the nurse to shut off the pitocin while we waited for her to get back. I was curious if it would do anything to stop my contractions or if they had picked up on their own. I had written in my plan to try to labor without pitocin after my contractions had picked up a set pattern and see if they could be self-sustainable. I never asked to try it because 1. I was afraid they’d stop and we’d have to start all over and 2. After getting the epidural I didn’t care.

As we waited I could see on the monitor that my contractions were dying down, not coming as often or as strong. I guess that’s why I was on pitocin in the first place. That moment re-confirmed my decision to be induced.

When my OB came back she came with a team of people, all dressed up in scrubs from head to toe. She reminded me of the different scenarios that would play out depending if my baby cried or not. I hoped she would cry so I’d know immediately that she was ok, and so that I could hold her right away.

She asked for olive oil to help ease the baby’s head out—She doesn’t do episiotomies. I tried not to watch the stretching but I was curious to see my progress at the same time.

We waited for a contraction, they asked if I could feel it, and even if I didn’t, I tried to just push when I felt like pushing. I imitated what I saw on TV, took a deep breath and PUUUSHED.

It didn’t hurt, though I imagine it would have if I didn’t have an epidural.

I pushed three times and they told me her head was about to come out. We had to wait awhile between contractions and I was anxious to meet her, so I didn’t want to stop pushing.

After a few more contractions they told me one more push and she’d be out. I thought they were joking—Or just telling me that as some sort of ploy to keep me motivated, and that they’d tell me “one more time” about five more times. But sure enough after the next push they told me my baby’s head was out, and with another little push she slid right out, and cried.

My doctor instantly handed her to me, slimy and all, and I kissed her little face and introduced myself to her as her mommy. I was happy she didn’t have a cone head, surprised as how chubby she looked, and at her strength. We lied chest to chest but she lifted her little head up to look at me. Newborns don’t do that. I thought. I was impressed already.

My husband, who was by my side all along had a permanent smile on his face.

He took the scissor-like tool from my doctor’s hand and cut our cord.

We sat together as a new family of three in our own little world for some time. I was in disbelief. I couldn’t—and still can’t wrap my brain around the fact that this was the same little faceless child that was in my womb for 9+ months.

When they finally took her away and weighed her they told us she was a big and healthy 9 pounds 9 ounces. All were impressed.

I did need a few stitches since I tore a little in the process, but I didn’t feel that either—Until later. Luckily there were pain meds for that too.

The experience is one I’ll remember forever. I went into this birth fearing the worst yet hoping for the best, and came out wondering why I had ever worried in the first place. I’ve learned to stick with my mother’s intuition and feel confidant in my choices, even if they differ from popular belief, or even my caregiver.

This story could have gone a million different ways, but in the end I got exactly what I wanted—My beautiful healthy little girl (and cute first family pictures).

Getting Induced: Lil' J's Birth Story Part 2

Read the Preface
Read Part 1

Nurse Jennifer came in and checked on me several times throughout the night. She checked my blood pressure and temperature. I assumed it was always normal because she never really said much. Or I just don’t remember cause I was drugged up.

At 7 she came in and was more direct than she was the night before. Her shift was about over. She took out the Cervidil, said I could get up, take a shower, whatever, and my doctor would be in around 8 to get the pitocin going.

My new nurse arrived—Elizabeth. She had a personality I meshed with more. She was friendly, respectful and took time to answer all of my questions. I trusted her. Since I figured she’d be the nurse I’d spend a majority of my laboring with I decided I should give my basket of goodies with my birth wishes inside to her. She immediately read them and talked them over with me and the other nurses. She came back and told me she’d never seen a such a nice birth plan, and they all appreciated it.I had amended it from my original one since I was being induced, but most of my wishes remained the same.

My bishiop score was higher than before, and I was dilated to 2.5cm and almost completely effaced so we started pitocin at about 8:30.

People had told me contractions were stronger and more painful when you’re on pitocin, but since I had never really experienced real contractions anyway, I don’t think I know the difference.

I got out of bed and tried to work through the contractions alone. I turned on my upbeat, gangsta rap playlist, closed my eyes, and bounced and rolled on my birthing ball. All of my moving kept moving the monitors on my stomach so I turned and faced the monitors and watched my baby’s heartbeat.

In my Lamaze class they suggested finding a focal point. I didn’t realize it then but her heartbeat was mine. I just kept watching it and seeing that she was doing fine made me relax and push through each contraction.

Every half hour or so my pitocin was turned up a little bit, while they tried to find an amount that gave me contractions strong enough every 3-5 minutes.

Finally the pain was starting to get intolerable. Each contraction felt like my entire body was tensing up and getting SO TIGHT. I knew it was mostly my uterus tensing and that I needed to relax but it was hard to do.

Between contractions I felt completely fine, and I joked with my husband who was in the middle of a good book. Yea, so much for being my doulo!

I didn’t really want his help though. I mean, I knew he was there to support me but I felt better being in my own little zone with my music blaring in my headphones, rolling on my birthing ball, closing my eyes and breathing through my contractions like I learned in class… Breathing in for four seconds and out for eight seconds. I took a deep breath on each end of the contraction. It seemed so simple but it actually worked.

My OB came in to check on me. She knew I wanted to go as long as possible without pain medication so she asked me how I was doing and asked if I wanted to get checked and see how far dilated I was or if I wanted her to come back in a couple of hours. I knew if I was checked and only 3 or 4 cm dilated I’d be pissed, so I opted out of checking right then.

As stated in my birth wishes I wanted to wait until I was at least 5 or 6cm dilated before getting an epidural, and I’d seen and read enough birth stories to know how much it sucks when you get checked and aren’t as far along as you’d hoped.

The contractions continued to come stronger and stronger and more frequent. I thought I’d try listening to my birthing hypnosis since it put me to sleep so well in the months before labor. I must have started it too late in the day because by the time I turned it on I was beyond the point of consoling and about threw my iPod across the room. That’s when I started to loose focus, and I started to cry.

I didn’t cry hysterically or anything, I just shed some tears, which was my husbands cue to come over and try to somehow help with the pain.

Whenever I have a stomachache, or I’m battling period pains all I want to do is go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet. It’s a strange means of coping but it usually helps. So when my contractions began to become unbearable I unplugged myself from the monitors and went and sat on the throne. I knew it would only be a matter of time before the nurses came and checked on me and checked to make sure my baby’s heartbeat was still doing ok with the pitocin. The door to our room opened and I heard a familiar voice. But it wasn’t the nurses, it was my mom.

I knew she was coming. She had left the night before, driving from Georgia with my two little sisters ages 5 and 13.

My first reaction was “oh no.”

I didn’t want my family to see me like this. In pain, crying. Unsure of what I was doing. But I was so uncomfortable I didn’t care. I was thinking of asking them to leave but my mom turned out to be the best help. She had been where I was 24 years earlier giving birth to me, with pitocin to help with contractions, and no pain medication. If she could do it, I could do it. Or at least stand it for a little longer.

Elizabeth turned up my pitocin again. Each time she pushed the button to increase the amount translated in my mind as an additional twist to the rack torture machine, slowly pulling my limbs from my body. I asked how much more they’d have to turn it up, and how much more it was going to hurt before they stopped she in turn asked me if I felt like it was strong enough.

“Yes,” I replied honestly. And 12mU is where were stopped the pitocin.

Another nurse asked me if I could lie down so they could put the monitors back on, but I told her it hurt too much to lie, and compromised in a sort of sitting/squat position on the edge of the bed, which felt the best to me since all I wanted to do was sit on the toilet. The nurse asked me if I felt the urge to push, and I didn’t, I just felt like curling up on the potty until the pain passed.

My mom rubbed my back, legs, and feet. She helped sooth me through each contraction, and helped my husband help me too. I was happy to have her there, and surprised by that. The rubs weren’t making the pain go away but the were giving me something else to focus on.

Elizabeth and the other nurse assistants knew not to offer me pain medications but my mom hadn’t read my birth wishes. Between contractions she asked me if I wanted to get an epidural. I enlightened her to my plan. I DID want an epidural, but I didn’t want to get one until I had progressed to at least 5cm. That way I’d be about 2/3rds of the way there and hopefully I wouldn’t slow down too much.

She heard me but seeing me writhing in pain must have been hard for her because she was still suggesting pain meds. She and one of the nurses offered a different kind of drug to put through my IV to take the edge off. Just a half dose to help. I agreed.

My mom called it Demerol, I guess that’s what she had back in the day, but that’s not what they gave me. I can’t remember the name. It didn’t do much to take away the pain. Actually it didn’t do anything but make me feel a little woozy, and make it so I could relax a little bit more during contractions.

I laid down for a few moments and breathed through my contractions. It was almost time for my OB to come back and check me. Elizabeth said she could check me first if I wanted. She said having contractions for as long as I was having them, and as strong as they were I had to have made some progress.

“How long have my contractions been like this?” I asked her in my dazed state. I had completely lost track of time as I was just trying to focus on each contraction as it came. She told me it had been a few hours. Still worried I’d hear a number I didn’t like, I decided to wait for my doctor.

At about 11:30, I was lying on my left side and breathing through a contraction when I all of a sudden felt a POP and a gush of fluids from below.

“I think my water just broke,” I announced to the room. “Either that or I just peed myself.” I surprisingly still had a small sense of humor through my pain. I was excited because I knew I had made progress.

I had asked that we wait until my water break on its own in my birth wishes and I was happy that it had cooperated. I also figure that meant I had made some progress and perhaps I was more than 3cm dilated. I knew that my contractions were going to begin to feel more intense and decided that I had “earned” my epidural, so I made my request.

Right after, my OB came in to check me. She noticed there was meconium in my fluid and lots of it. When I sat fluid kept gushing out of me and all over the place. Who knew there was all that water in me? And no wonder my cankles absorbed so much!

In case she hadn’t heard, I told my doctor I wanted an epidural, the nurses said they had already called the anesthesiologist. She checked my cervix and I was 5cm dilated. Awesome. I made it to 5cm, my water broke—Perfect timing for some drugs.

Just then the most handsome man I had ever seen walked into the room. Perhaps that’s how I remember him now, but I distinctly remember thinking, Everyone was right… The epidural guy IS hot.

I vaguely remember him telling me my last rights, or something like that. Risks, side effects, possibilities, yada yada, yea yea, GIVE ME THE DRUGS.

Luckily, I had read all of the risks and side effects before making my way to the hospital. I can’t imagine having been in the state of mind to really absorb much of what he was saying in that moment.

As I curled up on the side of the bed waiting for the alleged giant needle to be stuck through my back, I remember more warm fluid coming out of me, lots of it. It was the first time I had noticed the color and I honestly thought I was peeing all over the place, but I couldn’t stop it. I just kept saying I was sorry as a pool of water ran from my bed.

The epidural man told me step by step what he was doing. I am not a huge fan of needles, but I was less of a fan of the contractions, so I took the puncture like a champ.

He told me it would take about ten minutes to take full effect. I thanked him then said, “I hope this works.” I’d heard so many horror stories from people now advocating for a natural birth: “Oh it didn’t work for me” “it was horrible, I had the shakes” “it only worked on one side.”

My mom, who by then was back in the room, assured me it would work.
Part 3 coming tomorrow!

Lil' J's Birth Story: Part 1

I met with my OB on Tuesday after having contractions for days. I busted out my contraction tracker iPhone app a few times to time them and while at times they were 2-3 minutes apart for hours I knew they weren’t strong enough to be doing much, and if I went to the hospital I’d be sent home.

I was checked at my appointment and still just 1.5cm dilated and 50% effaced. Still a long way to go. We did an ultrasound and saw that my amniotic fluid levels and placenta looked good, and my baby was still doing well. They didn’t guestimate how big she was during the ultrasound and tell me I needed to induce because of her size, but I knew in my gut she was big.

My OB doesn’t induce before 41 weeks unless it’s medically necessary; so the first day I could choose to be induced was Saturday. I’d be 41 weeks and 2 days pregnant, huge, and ready to evict her.

My maternity leave had already started, and my husband had already been off work for a week, waiting for our daughter to arrive. I asked my doctor what the benefits of waiting would be and if she thought it would be better if I waited until 42 weeks, or went with inducing Saturday. She said it’s really hard to tell before. She said there’s a chance the baby isn’t quite ready to come out when you induce early, but there’s also a chance she could get too big the longer she’s inside. My husband and I decided going with Saturday, July 3rd would be the best choice.

My OB picked up the phone, set my appointment and said we needed to go to the hospital Friday night to check in, and get Cervidil started to help get my cervix softer and ready for pitocin. There was a chance contractions would start that night and that I wouldn’t need pitocin in the morning, but I wasn’t counting on it.

In the mean time I tried every wives tale and natural induction method I had heard of. Contractions would start and go and go and go but they were never very painful. Either I had higher pain tolerance than I thought, or nothing was really happening.

I went about that week getting everything ready for her new due date. I cherished every night my husband had to sleep in, stay up late, take naps, and have our last few moments of time alone as non-parents.

Thursday night, our last night together before going to the hospital, neither of us could sleep. I remember looking at my husband and telling him I felt like I was waiting for Christmas. He smiled and said him too. We were both so anxious.

Friday morning we woke up with a list of things to do before heading to the hospital. The last few things on my list were to put my hair in rollers, put in my fake eyelashes, do my makeup and pig out.

I ate some pasta, turned on some tunes, bounced on my yoga ball, and rolled my hair for the next hour. I figured I may have time to freshen up and do my makeup after my daughter was born and before taking photos, but I may not, so I did it beforehand just in case. I wanted good pictures dangit!When I came down stairs my husband looked at me and laughed.

"Are we going to a photo shoot or going to have a baby?" He asked me.

I thought for a second. "Both."
We dropped our house key off at a friend’s house so they could let Snoop out, and decided to take a trip to IHOP. Another reason I love my husband… He’s not afraid to be seen in public with me, 41 weeks pregnant, with rollers in my hair.

After eating a scrumptious meal—French toast and eggs—And giggling at the awkward looks I was getting in the process, it was go time!

Although we weren’t rushing to the hospital because of outrageously painful contractions making me scream, we still were in a bit of a hurry because we were running late for my check in time. We were supposed to be there at 6pm, so we pretended like we were on the verge of having the baby in the car.

It was pouring rain outside, and since I had done so much work to get my hair straight, then rolled, I tried my best to stay dry. The sight of me, big belly, in hair rollers, carrying a huge hospital bag and a pink umbrella was too good to pass up. We stopped to grab a picture before we went in.I carried one of my bags and a woman spotted me in the hall—shocked that I was carrying it (I know she was looking at my husband wondering why he was letting me do that). I insisted that it was my choice. I was doing everything I could to help my baby out! Plus, it wasn’t like I was in labor or leaking amniotic fluid all over the place.

Once we got to labor and delivery I realized how nice it was to be checking in with a clear mind.

“Jennifer?” the woman behind the counter confirmed my appointment. “You’re in room 260.”

As we walked down the halls I distinctly remember feeling like we were getting VIP treatment and checking into a hotel. This is my style, I thought to myself.

Or first nurse—Jennifer—Came in and said hi. She was a nice lady, sorta soft spoken, but friendly. She asked me to change into my hospital gown and I let her know I brought my own.

Once I changed, and hopped into bed, it hit me that this was really happening.
The nurse put my saline block in so I’d be ready for an IV in the morning, and put the Cervidil in. I got hooked up to monitoring, though she showed me how to detach them in case I wanted to move around.

I had a lot of questions for her: Was wireless monitoring available? Could I get a foley catheter to help me dilate if the Cervidil didn’t work? What could I do to get my bishiop score from a 6 up to a 7 or an 8? If the Cervidil worked really well could we skip the pitocin all together?

I could tell she was surprised I knew as much as I did, and did her best to answer all of my questions.

My husband told me to calm down, and kept reminding me everything was going to be ok. He asked me to try to remember why we were there—To have a baby. And said we’d be blessed and happy if she and I were both healthy at the end of the day.

He could tell I was stressing out about how everything was going to end up. I was over thinking things.

She told me contractions could get started that night, but gave me some sleeping medication so I could sleep through it. I took one and saved the other—Thinking I’d use it to help me sleep through active labor in the morning. I ended up never using that other pill.

Jennifer brought me some surprisingly yummy hospital food and my husband went out to get us more food. I figured I should eat as much as I could before we got the show on the road.
Contractions picked up stronger than they had been before, but they still weren’t as painful as I knew they could or would be. So I prepared myself to get pitocin to help in the morning.

That night I slept to the sounds of my daughter’s heartbeat on the monitor, and dreamed about what meeting her would be like.

Lil' J's Birth Story: The Preface

In the hours and days before the birth of my daughter I envisioned what our first moments together would be like—What I’d think when I first saw her. Would she be like a stranger to me, or would it feel like I had known her my whole life? That moment was finally staring me in the face.

First I heard her cry, a good sign since NICU nurses were on standby in case she didn’t. There was meconium—lots of it—in my amniotic fluid and they wanted to be sure she hadn’t inhaled any of it.

When I saw my baby’s face for the first time, and got to hold her in my arms, all of my stresses, my worries, my anxiety about how she would arrive not only went out the window--They became insignificant.

My daughter was here. She was a healthy 9 pounds 9 ounces, 20-and-a-half inches long. And I was a healthy mom. Everything didn’t go exactly as I imagined, but in many ways it was better than I could have hoped.

Breastfeeder/formula feeder. Cosleeper/ separate sleeper. Natural birth/ epidurals. Vaginal birth/ cesarean sections. None of those terms really matter to anyone other than the mother and her child. I think we sometimes we put too much emphasis on labels and automatically judge a person based on a word as simple as “Cosleeper.”

Really, the most important part of my birth story is described in the first few paragraphs of this post. The other details—Preferences I had and choices I made may matter more or less to others but it’s all a part of my beautiful story of bring my baby into the world.

I felt a sense of accomplishment. We did it! I incubated and birthed a baby and officially became a mommy.
More of the details of our story coming tomorrow.

Photo from Forever Bliss Photography.

Hi!

Thank you so much for all of the sweet congratulatory comments! It was so nice to read those as I was confined to the bed/couch/recliner/wherever Little J wants to eat. Yes, she is in charge now my friends, so when I'm gonna say something I've gotta say it fast! This is my first time on my computer since she's been born but I also can't stand putting her down so this is how we're making it work right now:
After some discussion with Lil' J's daddy I've decided not to share her name on my blog. I was originally planning to announce it after she was born but I wasn't expecting my readership to be what it is, and although it's just a first name, for now, I feel better keeping her known as Lil' J. Some people have already told me they are having fun guessing what her name is, or thinking of her as different "J" names, so feel free to do that if it helps. Also, as much as I want to flood my blog with photos of my little girl (cause she's so freaking cute), her daddy is asking me to restrain a little. I'm going to have to use a lot of will power to not post 10 photos in this post... Just three. But if you're a facebook or twitter follower you can see more there!

Forever Bliss Photography

If you follow me on Twitter you've probably been witnessing my breakdowns, my bragging, my highs and lows so far. I don't have time to write much more than 140 characters now and then, on anything more than my iPhone, so Twitter has been the place for my rants.

I LOVE being a mommy. But the first night home was ROUGH. I had a few melt downs. Whenever people talk about new babies I hear them say "they wake up every few hours..." Every few hours would have been easy, she didn't sleep more than five minutes at a time the entire night. She's wake up screaming bloody murder, eat, eat from the other side and finally fall asleep. Then I'd go to lay her down in her bassinet next to me and she's either wake up right away, and start the cycle over, or wake up no more than five minutes later after setting her down.

I tried keeping her in bed with me but I was overly exhausted and couldn't sleep with her safely, I woke up a couple of times almost on top of her and decided the risk of bed sharing wasn't worth it for us.

I had a melt down, vented on twitter, and cried. A lot.

More details about my thoughts on breastfeeding and those first few days coming soon, but long story short, my milk came in the next day and the next night she was up every hour, and eating for about 20 minutes, but she'd sleep about an hour after eating. I was up every hour, but only for a little while, and some sleep was WAY better than no sleep. I was SO HAPPY to be getting some, and I feel like the worst is over.
Now, the way she got here... I felt SO MUCH unnecessary stress about her birth and while it was self inflicted, I learned a HUGE lesson to go with my gut on my mothering decisions. I did decide to get induced, knowing possible consequences but believed the risks of not doing it when I did outweighed the risks of waiting.

I'll post some sort of birth story soon, in hopes to remember a unique and wonderful learning experience, while also remembering a lesson of self-confidence, and self assurance. I also know I learned a great deal about the process from reading other people's experiences so maybe mine will help another's. I'll do it in a way that keeps the sacred and personal parts out, but still shares how I welcomed my little princess into the world and how I'm beginning my journey through motherhood.

Stay tuned.

Inducing Labor Medically and Naturally: What I'VE Learned

My Baby Makin' Machine is apparently SO GOOD that it just doesn't want to shut off! Next time around I'm going to have to work on the "eject" button as a friend of mine put it.

I'm still having lots of contractions but they aren't very strong, and they aren't doing much as far as getting me more dilated and effaced. I'm not giving up hope though, and thinking maybe things will kick it up a notch before the little one arrives. A spontaneous birth does seem more exciting, and is usually better than getting induced.

For the record, I'm not being pushed into being induced, it's my choice, I actually brought it up to my OB. She won't even do them until you are over 41 weeks so the soonest I could be medically induced is at about 41 1/2 weeks. Not too bad if you ask me, since I'll be only days away from 42 weeks in my pregnancy.

I'm no stranger to induction. My mom was induced with all four of the children she birthed because of going more than 42 weeks in her pregnancies. Even after her water broke when she was pregnant with me (early), contractions never picked up enough to get things going.

I don't know if a lack of natural oxitocin could be genetic or something, but I suppose it's a possibility.

Some people need or want fertility drugs, or progesterone to help get/ stay pregnant. Some people take medicine to cure a headache, I suppose we all pick our battles on when we are willing to let "nature take its course" and when we want a little bit of medical help.

At first, the realization of this possibility did make me feel a tiny bit bad. I mean, was there something WRONG with me if I couldn't produce enough Oxitocin? Maybe I can and I'm just too impatient to know. Or maybe not. But then I thought for a moment--Even IF I went over 42 weeks and she didn't come. Even if I end up medically NEEDING forceps, a vacuum, or csection to help get her out. Even IF naturally my body just doesn't cut it... I FREAKING MADE A BABY! How much more of a miracle do I need? I'd almost feel selfish for wanting more when so many people need help, or have challenges conceiving. In the end I'm blessed with a baby--My baby.

Since my maternity leave has already begun I'm already loosing time with my little girl. That's less time for learning to breastfeed, less time to bond, less time for lots of other important things in life besides just her birth. There are some business you can start from home like medical coding. Unfortunately my job isn't like that. Unless things kick into gear before then, I'm planning to get induced Saturday.

Now this is a BIG "no no" to the natural birthing community. Especially since I'm not dying, leaking fluid, or more than 42 weeks pregnant, some people would say I should wait it out. I've thought and prayed about this a lot, and I've decided an induction this weekend is fine with me.

I did, however look into other natural-induction techniques beforehand and have pretty much exhausted all of my resources. If you're pregnant and interested in getting things going maybe one of these will work for you. I recommend trying some of these before getting a medical induction but I also recommend talking to your doctor about some of these before you try it. Especially numbers 4, 6, and 7.

Besides lots of walking, here's what I've tried:

1. Sex... LOTS of sex... and I know sex alone doesn't do the trick, but trust me--The job gets done, and still, no baby.

2. Evening Primrose Oil. I've been taking them orally and vaginally for weeks now. Sometimes I'm more consistent than others. I think it did help soften my cervix some, so I'll keep taking it, but it's not like it's started labor or anything.

3. Red Raspberry Leaf Tea. My husband moaned and groaned as he picked up the $7 box of organic potion. People swore by it so I tried it. The box is almost gone and while it may have prepared my uterus for labor, it hasn't started it.

4. Nipple Stimulation. I tried this because again SO MANY people swore by it. It's suppose to help release natural oxitocin in the body and get the uterus to contract. So much so that it's actually warned, and you're suppose to be careful with the usage. At first I tried it on my own after reading a few articles about how to do it. But since I've never breastfeed or anything I wasn't convinced I was doing it right, so I busted out the breast pump. Still nothing. ... And thank goodness nothing came out either cause it may have freaked me out.

I tried it when I was having a few contractions thinking it would make them stronger but it didn't do anything.

5. Castor oil (topically). I read somewhere that drinking castor oil could induce labor, but so could applying it topically as a castor oil pack. So I went out, got some castor oil, rubbed it on my belly, and put a warm rice-filled sock on top. As silly as I looked (and smelled) I had really hoped it would do something. Besides, so many people SWEAR by castor oil. Nothing.

6. Castor oil (digestively). I didn't think I would resort to giving this a try since I heard so many horror stories about diarrhea and discomfort, and even some possible side effects with it causing your baby to poop before she gets out of your uterus. But I got a great recipe from a doula friend who reads my blog who told me mixing an egg in with a certain shake would help it "stick" better.

2oz of castor oil, vanilla ice cream, an egg, and some milk... I gave it a shot. It didn't taste that bad, but I normally don't drink things that fast. As soon as I started to smell and taste the castor oil in the shake though it was hard to get it down without gagging. I finished it off but felt nauseous right after. I thought for sure I was going to throw it all back up, but I didn't want that because I wanted it to WORK!

The egg didn't do the trick with me as I had a MAJOR system clean out. Contractions did come, and they lasted almost and entire day but they never got very strong. I could have made a 2nd shake after 3 hours but I felt so horrible I didn't think it was worth it. My husband told me "I told you so" and tended to me while I overcame my self-obtained sickness.

I didn't learn my lesson though. One last resort, after my membranes were stripped I downed another oz of the crap before bed. I mixed it in with a cup of pudding... Ruining the pudding. I should have just taken a shot of the stuff then enjoyed my pudding afterwards. The side effects wasn't as bad that time, contractions came stronger the next morning, but pittered out again.

I've read that this stuff works for SO many people, so I was really thinking it would work for me. When this failed, my faith in these "natural" techniques began to diminish.

7. Membrane Sweeping/Stripping. While this isn't considered a "natural" induction technique, to me it's better than the castor oil, and at least it's releasing your natural prostaglandins (which everyone likes to point out is in sperm) and getting things going without increasing the risk of cesarean or causing infection.

I made the mistake of not asking about this sooner because some of my influences warned me it was an intervention--The same people who later suggested giving it a go once I started considering medical induction.

I had it done once and it didn't hurt as bad as I expected... I'd heard a lot of people complain saying it hurt SO BAD, but I guess either my pain tolerance is higher than I thought, or maybe when it comes to getting this baby out, pain means progress!

I had my membranes swept Tuesday, and I've been having contractions ever since. We'll see if they pick up. Normally you can get them swept around your 40 and 41 week appointment.

8. Positioning exercises. I know sometimes the baby just isn't in the right position to get things going, so I've been trying all sorts of ways of sitting, rolling, and bouncing on my birthing ball. Knee-chest position. Walking up the stairs sideways, sleeping differently. It hasn't started labor, but hopefully it's still helped get her ready for it.

9. Acupressure. I looked up some youtube videos of pressure points and tried these. The ones on my legs and feet are hard to do since they're so swollen full of water, but I've tried them on my hands and other places and it doesn't seem to have done anything.

Some other things I looked into but haven't tried are acupuncture, and blue and black Cohosh. I decided I was done with the herbs, and done spending money on trying to get this baby out. Maybe she's not "ready" maybe not... Or maybe she is, but she needs a little help getting out. This takes me to the medical induction research I've done.

First off I was want to say how COMPLETELY DISAPPOINTED I am in that there isn't much information out there on how to have a better medical induction. Everything I find either says pitocin is the devil, avoid it at all costs, or gives suggestions on how to avoid it. Nothing really breaks down ways to use it responsibly, or ways to make it more likely to succeed.

Well, great. Thing is, this is what I've decided to do, and it would be nice if there were more articles out there for people who either decide to have an elected induction, or who need to be induced. Otherwise I feel like they're saying: "sorry, you're screwed, it's a lost cause."

I know that's not true though because my mom has perfectly fine inductions, and I've known several people to have them before their due dates even, and be fine. That said, I also know of people (mostly online) who it didn't work out for an ended with sad stories of csections and personal promises to never get the drug again.

A lot of people also talk about the pain of contractions being stronger than regular contractions. To that, I see it the same way as I see birthing a "big baby." Since it's my first, I don't really have anything else to compare this experience to. I'm sure it will hurt, but it's not like I've labored naturally before and will notice the difference.

Here's a good breakdown I read about pitocin from childbirth.org:

"When inducing labor with pitocin, it works best when the uterus is ready to receive it. Giving pitocin before the uterus is ready or ripe enough to receive it is likely to produce a long drawn out, unsuccessful labor. There are natural and medical ways of ripening a cervix, both having to do with prostaglandins. Ask your doctor what you Bishop's score is before you agree to a pitocin only induction. If it is under 5, labor is likely to be unsuccessful, and you may want to inquire about prostaglandin inductions as well.

This was pretty much as good as it got. Not many details, or much more than I already knew, but at least it was a little promising. I talked to my OB and I'm going to get Cervidil (one of those ripening agents) first. She says there's a chance labor could get going on its own and I won't need any pitocin. I'm thinking positive but not holding my breath, just knowing how many other things "got labor going" but not strong enough.

I've pieced together my own research to find things that help make medical inductions more likely to succeed.

The first resource I used--believe it or not--was something I learned in my Lamaze book. Yes, even though me not allowing labor to start on it's own is breaking their #1 rule of healthy birth practices, (hey, I plan to keep the other 5!), I found in their book they break down some things that help make inductions more likely to succeed.

That's where I read for the first time about a bishop score. Basically it rates you based on your effacement (how thinned out your cervix is), dilation (how far open your cervix is), how soft your cervix is, position of your cervix, and station (how far down your baby has come).

The score is added up and between 1-10. The higher your number, the more likely you are to have a successful medical induction. As of Tuesday my score was a 6. According to this site, a score of 7 or higher for first time mothers has about a 1.4% chance of ending in a c-section. Of course, it would be ideal if I could get to a 10 before starting any pitocin.

I'm a dork, but for $.99 I downloaded this ap to keep track of how my score is. It's easy to look at, plug in the numbers, and understand.There are also other options for medical induction. That's a GREAT article by one of my very smart friends who writes for About.com, and she breaks down the positives and negatives of each very well--From breaking the bag of waters to things like Prostaglandin Gels.

I'm still weighing my options and thinking about the positives and negatives of breaking my bag of waters before trying pitocin and vice versa. If my water is broken then I basically start the clock for getting the baby out within 24 hours. But it also allows me to walk around without having an IV, and not need continual fetal monitoring. However an IV isn't the end of the world, and they do have wireless monitors which I could probably still use to move around.

Prolonged or premature rupture of the membranes (water breaking) does subtract a point from my bishop score, but I've also read on other sites that pitocin is more effective if your water has broken so I'm still trying to weigh these options. Breaking your water before the baby is engaged though is a BAD idea because you can risk the baby's head coming down on top of the umbilical cord and that basically cuts off her circulation and then you need an emergency csection. Based on where I saw her head in my ultrasound Tuesday it doesn't look like her head is super low, so I'll probably pass on water-breakage.

The nice thing is Pitocin can always be turned off if things get going, or even if happened to change my mind. Once my water has broken I pretty much should stay. I see myself talking extensively with my OB about the pros and cons of each. Speaking of which, I'm so glad she's working that day!

I'm hoping the Cervidil, and maybe trying a foley catheter (which basically is like a balloon that goes in your cervix, and falls out once it's dilated to a certain point) before pitocin.

So, there's a few of my thoughts on it all. Hopefully putting all of my thoughts down may help someone else out there who's looking for the same information I am. I wish there was more out there on good rates to increase the pitocin, and at what point I can turn it off without contractions stopping instead of the black and white "pitocin sucks vs pitocin helps."

The more I know the better I'll feel if I do end up being medically induced. I plan to re-work my birth-wishes to add more about different medical induction options. I also hope to make good friends with my nurse and just stay informed and have fun through the process.

Yes, have fun! I had a dream last night that I was jamming around the room and working through my contractions. My husband and I were having a blast. The dream got weird when they switched my baby with some 3-year-old white kid, but that's beside the point. I feel confidant and excited to have my little girl. I'm not worried about being taken advantage of, and I am not afraid to ask questions and made my own decisions.

Who knows, maybe Lil' J will surprise us and decide to show up before her appointment. Either way, I know the way she's born won't matter to me once she's here, I suppose I just like being in the know. Just wish us luck and please, keep us in your prayers!

PS: If you have POSITIVE lessons about induction please share! I'd love to hear how it went for you.

How Social Media Influenced My Birth Views and How I Changed Them Back

I was literally on the floor bawling when my husband got home from the gym. He may have thought I was crying from the contractions I had been having for the past 22 hours, but I wasn't. I was crying because they stopped, and because I was worried about being induced.

"What are you most worried about?" He asked me. "That it may lead to a c-section?"

I shook my head. "I was just looking forward to waking up in the middle of the night and the excitement of the surprise of it all," I admitted.

He sat silent for a few seconds before comforting me some more. He told me what he'd remember more than the hustle and bustle of getting to the hospital and getting her out, would be seeing her for the first time. And watching me watching her, and falling in love with our little creation.

After gaining some composure we went to the nursery where he said a sweet prayer for me. A prayer which key points I'll remember forever. A prayer that truly calmed my soul, and has made me feel better about--and more excited to meet our daughter than ever before.

Over the past year I've been inundated in a world so many people don't know exists. People know about social media--sure--but not many understand the cliques, the strong opinions and even radical groups that are out there.

I'm a curious woman, and being the journalist I am, I really enjoy learning about different sides of a story. I would say "both sides" but there are more than two sides to almost every story.

When it comes to birth, I grew up only really knowing about one side--The side most all of my friends have experienced--The side I've been comfortable with all my life. That's hospital births, usually with pain medication, sometimes involving inductions or other medical procedures.

Positioning myself as a huge spectacle online has put me in the spotlight and made me fresh meat to any and every mom who has an opinion about anything. Most commonly, or at least most noticeably, I get comments from the "crunchy" type. The moms who feel natural is best, sometimes despite popular beliefs and what anyone else says.

At first I thought some of these people had a few loose screws, but as I've gotten to know them, I've learned more about where they're coming from, and started to learn a different side of things I may have never been open to learning had it not been for their influence online.

Now the difficult part in befriending said-crunchies, sharing with them my pregnancy experiences, listening to their experiences, sympathizing with them, and learning from them, is that I grew to feel an immense amount of pressure. As if they'd taken me under their wing and were watching me like a hawk to see if I'd make the wrong move.

I began to worry about choosing to get an epidural, not because of rare and possible side effects, but because if I did go into the "cascade of interventions" I'd disappoint (or probably prove right) my acquaintances. I was more nervous about disappointing my audience with my birth story, than doing what I really wanted to do, and the added stress was obvious at home.

My husband insists I don't blog my birth story; that I experience it for me, and not worry about sharing the ifs whens and hows to the world.

"Just say we had a baby, The End," he tried to persuade me. "That's all that matters."

"Yes, but women like to talk about and read these things," I pushed back. "It's like our version of war stories we like to share."

"But who needs to know how many doses of pitocin you get, or why you got an epidural? That's just opening the door to let people judge you and make you feel bad."

Basically he's saying I'd be asking for it. True. To an extent. I don't think anyone asks to be critically judged, but putting yourself out there like I have does assume that position. The difference is now I have the confidence to stand behind my decisions no matter what someone else says.

Before starting my blog I never focused on what kind of birth I wanted... Other than the end result to have a baby. I knew c-sections happened, and I never thought they were a big deal. I knew if I needed one, so be it. After developing my blog and its audience, the thought of having a c-section felt like it would equal a failed birth.

Why? Why? WHY?

I don't feel that way deep down. I don't. I know some people do, and that's their challenge they'll have to overcome--Or not, if they don't want to. I had let other people's opinions on what's right and wrong in a situation brainwash me into believing that if it didn't go a certain way, I was cheated. But I shouldn't have let their negative feelings about a birth outcome change my views of what's important to me.

There's a difference between being uneducated--Naive, and differing in opinions with someone. Everyone can find a different study to go along with their viewpoint.

Something I think a lot of people need to suck up and realize is just because someone's opinion differs from yours doesn't mean they haven't done their research, or that they are wrong. It just means after looking at the evidence, you both came to different conclusions. Nothing is wrong with that. Can we please shout that message to the world of moms, the world of women?--Just because we disagree doesn't mean I'm wrong.

A friend of mine who was induced before her due date tells me everything went perfectly well for her, her baby's fine, and "I was having a big baby, nothing is wrong with inducing early."--While the next person tells me I should wait it out as long as possible, "43 weeks or more can be totally fine, the baby won't stay in there forever."

I smile at both of them, knowing I disagree equally. I've read that it's best inductions aren't done before 40 weeks because calculations could be off and you can be risking having your child prematurely. I also have read that staying pregnant longer than 42 weeks can increase the chances of infection, injury during a vaginal birth, and double your chances for needing a cesarean section.

I'm done being everyone's baby doll. I know most have good intentions but it's become information overload.

I enjoy hearing other people's experiences, and learning from them, but the truth is everyone has different experiences, and there's no cookie-cutter solution for everyone. And it all goes a little too far when people start telling you the way your deciding things are wrong, just because it may not have worked for them.

My sweet husband reminds me that he and I are in this together, for our baby. And no one else's opinion on the means of which she gets here matters.

I'M her mother. I know what's best for her and I'm not going to let the next person--be it doctor, blog writer or twitter follower--tell me they know better.

As of now we are considering inducing labor July 3rd. No longer do I feel anxious or disappointed about the possibility, I'm excited about our decision. It may not be what's right for you, but I'm at peace with the choice. I may not have the "OMG this is it!" moment in the middle of the night, but I will get to get dressed up before we go in, and plan around her new due date. I'm finding the positive sides in what some may consider a negative position.

Most of all, I'm so happy to know that I'll finally be meeting my daughter in less than a week. I feel divinely guided in the decisions we're making for our family and whatever happens will be what's meant to happen for us.

Lookin' Fly On My Delivery Day in My Hot Mama Gowns

I have a confession... A big one. See, before I was pregnant I made fun of pregnant people... Well, not really, but I made fun of some of the things they do... Like bringing their own gowns to the hospital.

Yep, I saw it on a blog once and had to laugh and write a post about it. I thought it was the funniest/ lamest thing I had ever seen. Now here I am... Not even two years later bringing not one, but TWO gowns to the hospital. Yea, I'm feeling a little sheepish (and hypocritical) seeing what I wrote before.

My oh my, how time can change things, I'm a testament of that! I also said I'd have a Beemer before a Baby or a Lexus before a Little one and Lawd knows that didn't happen either! I'm sure this eating my words thing will become a regular commodity as I journey through motherhood.

To my defense, the gowns I got are WAY cuter than the others (also more than $50... But hey, I'm making more money than I was then), and they also double as great nursing gowns and totally beat the regular old gowns they give you at the hospital. And I, my friends, am ANYTHING but regular.

Some people care about having an unmedicated birth... I care about feeling good. And looking good, will help me feel good. I'm just being me and doin' me (as said in my birthing theme song "Over", by Drake) and doin' me is looking fly... Or at least trying to.

This will be the biggest, most exciting day of my life, next to my wedding day, and I was sure to look good for that day, so I want to look and feel nice for this day too.
So, what better way to look fly than to wear a Hot Mama Gown? I first heard about them when they donated one of their beautiful gowns during my March of Dimes fundraiser raffle! I knew once I got pregnant I'd be getting one. Luckily, they love me and my blog so they offered to send me one to review. My problem... I'm too indecisive and couldn't choose just one, PLUS they came out with new swaddle blankets that made my decision even more difficult. So what I do? I bought a second gown and a matching blanket. It was a pregnancy present to myself, and the only "maternity" wear I've bought my ENTIRE pregnancy (I never went and bought those maternity jeans... Or anything else for that matter).

The nice thing though is wearing my gowns won't have to stop once I give birth to Lil' J. It's perfect for nursing, and a nice nightgown to wear around the house.
I know some are probably saying "Umm girrrrl... You don't even KNOW how messy and gross it gets during labor" You're right... I don't. But I DO know that these gowns are made with a fancy organic cotton that can be easily ridden of stains.

So, what I think of them? Well, I think they're great, they're comfortable, they button down the back, so they're easily accessible for hospital staff, but your booty isn't showing when you're walking around (I'm oober shy when it comes to nakedness). They're not cheaply made to be worn one time, which I love, because I'd love to just wear them around the house when Lil' J and I are at home during my leave. There's so much thought and detail in every snap and closure, it's not just thrown together. It's made to last. They also have amazing access for breastfeeding which will come in handy especially at the hospital, but at home too!

They look nice enough to where I can answer the door in them, and not look like a crazy old lady in my PJs but not so fancy to where I won't want Spawnie's poop on them. Well, not that anyone wants poop on them... I mean it's not super delicate, and washes well.

FYI, the pictures of me in these gowns were initially taken by my husband, but just as much as he hates being in pictures, he hates taking them too, and the ones we took together didn't look as good with the flash, so I did my own self-portrait shoot in the nursery.
So, want to know my plan for wearing them? I bought the pink Grace gown to wear during labor. I wanted to buy pink to remind me of Cora's Story (a must read, beautiful baby who reminds me to get Lil' J her first Congenital Heart Disease test). I bought Lil' J a matching swaddle blanket that hopefully we can put her in shortly after she's born for pictures.THEN, after I'm all cleaned up, I'll change into my Antoinette gown, which I think looks GREAT for pictures. My hair and makeup will be touched up, and we'll be ready to go.
On a side note... Other fly-making things in my (pre)hospital bag are: Fake eyelashes, hair rollers, and makeup (just the natural-looking kind). Hate all you want... I'm doin' me!

Be sure to check out HotMamaGowns.com or follow @HotMamaGowns on Twitter to stay up to date on the latest deals and styles!

I'm Pretty Sure No One Thinks About Labor the Way I Do

Friday I'll hit the mark where I can safely go into labor at any time. I have a feeling Lil' J will be stylishly early. Not by much, but maybe a little. She's feeling cramped in there to me, and today she was making my stomach look like a scene from Alien. So much so I had to use Dr. Google to see if all of her squirming could break my water. ... Doubtful.

I don't picture labor like it is in the movies, but I also have some unusual preferences about the big day. Some things on my mind:

1. I'm bringing treats for the staff. Call it bribery, call me a teacher's pet, or whatever you want, but I've bought a pretty basket I'm loading some goodies in, and adding my Birth and After Wishes to it on nice pretty card stock paper. I'm thinking cookies and/or muffins, and I don't know what else... Still working on all of the contents. Who knows, maybe they'll slip me an extra diaper or two when we're leaving.

2. Speaking of my Birth and After Wishes, I finished it! Talked it over with my OB, and we're on the same page. I narrowed things down and squeezed it all on one page (the after part is on another separate page)! It's umm... Pretty. Yes, I'm sure it's the prettiest list of birth preferences they've ever seen.3. We're gonna be jammin. I have 4 playlists... About 10 hours of music and more created for the occasion: Relaxation/ churchy (no words, mostly instruments except for a few exceptions); Upbeat (quite a bit of gangsta rap-- Quite the churchy contrast); Rock/Pop (slower stuff but not as slow as the first); and Meeting Baby (songs like "Isn't She Lovely" to greet her).

I also have a playlist with birthing affirmations and hypnosis tracks. I have yet to listen to them all without falling asleep, and I've tried so hard... I hope I have the same problem during the process.

We have an ipod speaker system, one portable (although my husband thinks we may look strange walking the halls with a sort of "boom box" approach) and one that connects to the wall. I also need to get new headphones cause mine aren't loud enough and I hate the kind that are suppose to stick INSIDE my ears... My ear holes are too small for those things.

4. I'm going to be looking FLY. I care about these things. And next to my freaking wedding day this is the 2nd biggest day of my life. I've already got my own gowns I'm bringing, and I'm planning to do my hair and makeup before we leave. I'll also have manicure/pedicure and hair straightening appointments set up before the big day (maybe sometime in the next 2 weeks?). My nails in their current state, could be used as weapons and I should probably get them cut down to save my husband some blood loss, and so I don't accidentally scratch my little one. A french manicure will make the pain of loosing them less dramatic.
I'm still undecided about a Brazilian wax. I want to do it cause I hear after you have a baby it's pretty messy down there for awhile and it'll just be nice to feel "fresh." Plus, it doesn't itch or anything when it grows back, it's not like shaving, and it last a long time. The down side though is of course is oh, just the PAIN!! So we'll see. If I make it my due date I may go do it in an attempt to start labor.

Fake eyelashes are on my "list of things to buy" before the big day.

5. I'm bringing a buffet. Nothing too crazy, but hospital peeps and my OB said I can eat... Not that I'll want a 9oz sirloin, but I figured I'll bring some snacks just in case. So far we have apple sauce, I'm gonna make some pasta right before we leave for the hospital, and some hard-boiled eggs. I'll also pack some trail mix and string cheese. I'm hoping that'll give me some energy boost but also not make me want to puke. I've also packed some water, Be Nice Prenatal drink mix, and juice! I have Popsicles too but I think I'll just raid the hospitals if I determine a cooler won't keep them frozen.

6. Class project anyone? I'm working on creating a poster board as a reminder with labor "cues" for my husband to use, and visuals of different labor positions we can try. I'll fold it up and pack it for the trip!

7. In my Lamaze class we talked about pain tolerance, I decided I'm somewhere between a -3 and a 3. A tip it suggest for us is having a "code word" to getting me the epidural. That way when I say "I want it" he knows I don't REALLY mean it, but when I say the code word, he knows I mean it. Something like "Sponge Bob" would be too easy for me. We need something more drastic. I'm thinking the code word should be F!#%. I'm not sure I've ever said that word out loud and my husband's never heard me swear. I'm pretty sure he'd know I'm serious. Even though I've heard swear words can be typical for a woman birthing a baby... I don't imagine that'll be the case for me, hence the word choice. If I don't say it... Well, I must not want it that bad.

8. Do I want a mirror? I think not. They'll offer me one when I'm pushing I'm sure. I use to think I'd not only want to see, but I'd want it on tape! I've been obsessed with birth for a long time and I thought "why not see mine when I've watched so many others? But now I want nothing of that sort. In fact, the thought of watching her come out of me in a mirror makes me want to vomit. I know it's beautiful but I don't want to see it. And I don't want my husband to watch. We've seen enough, I'll be ok seeing her little head once it's out of me, complete with the rest of her body.

9. A friend asked me if I'd want to hold her when she's all covered in utro-sludge... I say yes. I don't mind. My OB said she doesn't do any mouth-suctioning stuff when she pulls her out, and that she'll give her straight to me. Then hubs can cut the cord... And we can hold out sludge-covered baby, that's ok.

So there they are, my random thoughts about the big day.

My Birth Wishes: The Letter

This is the third part of my My Birth Wishes series here's Part 1, and Part 2.

In my Birth Wishes I thought it was important to include ALL types of scenarios. Sort of an "in case of an emergency" plan. Of course we hope that doesn't happen but we all know anything is possible.

I think part of the problems with "birth plans" I've seen is people being so strict but not giving themselves leeway, nor considering unforeseen possibilities. That can lead to MUCH disappointment in yourself, which I think is a HUGE part of the battle.

It's also important to be aware of things your hospital has and doesn't have or things your doctor or midwife does or doesn't do. For instance, no need to write "I'd like a walking epidural" or "I don't want to try sterile water injections for back labor" if your hospital doesn't offer those.

I decided to skip the part about induction and early labor since I'm planning on labor to start on it's own, and using every technique under the sun to hopefully not have to worry about that. I DO have a plan written in case that happens but that's not as important to me as some of the things in this letter.

Here's my every-changing letter:

Dear Doctors, Nurses and Attending Staff:

First off I want to thank you so much for being here and helping my daughter and me on this very special day. You choosing this profession shows me you must love babies and new mothers so I'm looking forward to getting to know you over the next little while. This is our first baby, her name is ______, and we're very excited to meet her.

I know some women come in with a set "birth plan" and others I'm sure don't have anything of that sort, I decided to take a slightly different approach to thinking about today and write some "birth wishes" since I know I can't plan everything to a T, and ultimately, my baby girl is in charge. Having said that, there are some things I'd like to avoid unless absolutely necessary, and certain things I'd prefer.

-If I'm less than 4cm dilated I'd like to discuss going home, or to a nearby place and getting myself to progress more before being admitted here. I've tried to labor as long as I can at home, relax, yet move around a lot.

-I brought my own hospital gowns which are adorable but also great for breastfeeding and easily accessible for you!

-When we took a tour of the hospital we were told you have birthing balls available to us upon request. I'd love one please. I have been using one at home and I think it'll help me relax and progress during labor.

-I love water, and I'd love to sit in the shower to help labor along and to be comfortable. My husband is prepared with a swimsuit to be with me as well, I'd really prefer for us to be together at all times during this process.

-I would like the lights to be dimmed please. I'll probably we wearing a headset or using speakers for a good portion of my delivery.
-Please don't talk to be during contractions.

-I'm using Hypnotherapy as well as Lamaze techniques to cope with pain. Please don't offer me pain medications until I ask. I probably will, but I'd like to initiate it, and keep my labor progressing and avoid risk of it slowing down because of an epidural.

-I prefer intermittent fetal motoring so I can have more mobility as well as minimal vaginal exams.

-I'd prefer to avoid pitocin and wait for my water to break on its own.

-During the pushing stage I'd like to use squatting bars and remove the lower part of the bed so -I can sit forward and push in more of a squatting position.

-From my understanding you don't do routine episiotomies, I'd like to be told if I look like I'm going to tear so I can slow the pushing and give my body time to stretch.

-PLEASE put the baby directly on my belly after birth, that's one thing I've been looking forward to experiencing.

-My husband would like to cut the umbilical cord (he told me so) so we'd love it if you gave him the honors.

-When you put the hospital beanie on her, please put one on that we brought... it's just like yours but with flair. My husband can hand it to you.

In Case of an Emergency:

-In case of an emergency cesarian is necessary, and if there's time, please give my husband and I a few moments to discuss our options in private before asking for written consent.

-Ideally I'd like to remain conscious for the procedure.

-Please show me baby _____ immediately after she's born, if possible I'd like to have a hand free to touch her.

After Birth

-We'd like to initiate breastfeeding as soon as possible, and keep her in the room with us, there may be times we request she goes to the nursery so we can rest (we won't get much when we get home) but overall we'd like to keep her with us unless otherwise requested.

-Please let's delay some of the standard screening tests until we've had some bonding time and established breastfeeding.

-If it's not standard here, please screen ____ with a pulse oximeter sometime after 24 hours of life and before discharge.

-I'd LOVE help from a lactation consultant.

-If ____ has problems, I'd like my husband to stay with her.

My husband, OB and I have discussed these wishes before and we all understand that things can change and these are my preferences.

Thank you again so much for attending my birth! It's going to be an exciting day!

How I Envision My Birthing Day: Birth Wishes Part 2

Read Preparing for Labor: My Birth Wishes Part 1 here.



My husband and I are 2/3s done with our Lamaze childbirth class. Although I thought I knew a lot about labor going into it, I've learned so much more.

I know some people giggle at the idea of childbirth classes but I think they're great, helpful, and important. If anything, it's a fun excuse to get out with your hubby once a week, and practice a new hobby together.

I've also been reading The Official Lamaze Guide: Giving Birth With Confidence, and I have to admit, I was hesitant when picking it up, I sometimes feel childbirthed-out and like I can't stand to think another moment about preparing for this single moment that will be eclipsed by my baby's smile in a matter of months. However, I brought the book with me while I was getting my hair done and have been interested in quite a bit of content.

Lamaze has been a great opportunity for my husband and I to talk about how we want things to go, and how he'll support me during labor, and it's given me the backbone of my Birth Wishes philosophy. Their six healthy birth practices are:

1: Let labor begin on its own
2: Walk, move around and change positions throughout labor
3: Bring a loved one, friend or doula for continuous support
4: Avoid interventions that are not medically necessary
5: Avoid giving birth on your back and follow your body's urges to push
6: Keep mother and baby together - It's best for mother, baby and breastfeeding

And all of them you'll see flowing into my letter of desires.

Along with Lamaze I've been listening to labor hypnosis tracks daily as well as pregnancy affirmations, and practicing prenatal yoga. All together I think I'll be ready for my "pressure waves" (aka contractions) on my birthing day (labor aka D-Day).

I've thought a lot about how I'd like my birthing day do go and although I know anything could happen, and that I need to be open and flexible, I visualize it going something like this:

I envision labor starting on its own in the early morning hours. I'll wake up in the middle of the night from contractions, but forcing myself to go back to sleep. It's going to be a long day(s) and as exciting as it is, I'll need some rest.

When I can't take the pressure anymore I'll get up and fill up the bathtub with hot water and turn on my relaxation playlist. I may listen to some hypnosis, and just breath through the contractions. I'll also have my iPhone near by so I can time the contractions, or have my husband time them on my Contraction Tracker.

I know early labor up to 5cm dilated will be a good long portion of the process (about 2/3rds usually) so I'm going to try my best to stay relaxed, and get to dilating.

Relaxation helps with letting my body do it's job, but the contractions are also working to push the baby down, soften, and dilate my cervix. So it's also important to move and help with the process. Eventually my adrenaline will kick in as well as endorphins which should naturally help alleviate some of the pain... That could be later as I'm progressing more to active labor though.



To help speed things along I'll use my husband's help to keep me moving and help the baby thin out my cervix (efface). I'll practice a technique my OB suggested, which we also learned in Lamaze class, and wrap my arms around my husband's neck, stick my hips back and sway in my husband's arms. I will also sit on my birthing ball, do jumping jacks, yoga, whatever the heck it takes. All the while listening to my "upbeat labor playlist" (which is a work in process, so if you have tips, please add your suggestions!).


When active labor kicks in I'll be getting contractions every 3-5 minutes and they'll each last about a minute long. I'm going to try to relax or keep moving on the ball, whatever my body tells me feels right at the time. ...This totally goes with the principal of healthy birth practice #2, "walking, moving around, and changing positions during labor." You can see some good examples of this watching this video:

My OB suggested a lot of movement during natural labor and said women hardly... If ever prefer to be lying down during contractions, so while I'm at home, I plan to use the techniques I've learned. I'm also thinking of printing out photos of positions beforehand so they're readily available and all in front of me during the process.



Another key to me is staying home as long as I can stand it. Staying at home will help with avoiding possible medical interventions. Of course some I think could be necessary, but if I'm doing ok at home and feeling safe I'll stay at home as long as I can.

My OB asks that I call when my contractions are four minutes apart and one minute long for one hour. My iPhone has an alarm for the same time frame, but I changed it to two hours.


One thing I worry about it getting to the hospital, wreathing in pain only to find I'm about 2cm dilated. It's going to take us long enough to get there, passing three other hospitals on the way, I'd like to get there and be ready to stay.


I'm going to of course check with my OB during that time and make sure it's ok that I wait it out a little longer before doing something that could put me and my baby in danger, but I also think my instincts will kick in when it's time to go to someplace safe.

"Most mammals seeks quiet and privacy when they're in labor, and if they sensee danger of any kind, labor stops. This frees them to move to safety, or lets them wait until danger passes to deliver their babies.

Humas labor fits this pattern : Early on, it can be shut down by anxiety, fear, or anything that makes you feel unsafe. That's why it's important to choose a birth site and caregiver that help you feel confidant and secure." (The Official Lamaze Guide p. 98)

So, I'm hoping I'll feel safe at home, but not SO SAFE to where I'll deliver the baby right then and there.

Once it's time to go I'm grabbing my Baby Time hospital bag and a coordinating matching bag packed with extra goodies raging from treats for the staff, and my two Hot Mama Gowns, to music, my laptop and a picture of Spawnie... My focal point.



After, I'm predicting about 10 hours of early and early-active labor we'll make the trek to the hospital which isn't THAT far away, but with the 24/7 traffic in our area, it'll feel like planets away.


I'll practice hypnosis in the car and keep my cool for when we reach the hospital.


Now, besides Spawnie coming out beautiful, healthy, and looking quite un-spawnlike, the ONE thing that would make my Birth Dreams come true is if I get the awesome compliment of "you can't be in labor you're too calm." That will be my big goal. Even if I have to hold it in and fake it just until I hear someone say it, that's what I'm shooting for.


I'll hand off the basket of goodies to my first attending nurse with my pre-thank-you letter and Birth Wishes printed on hard paper, with ribbon tied through some punch holes. I'll bring about 6-8 copies. One for my husband and I and some for the attending staff.



Tomorrow, I'll share the ever-evolving letter.

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Mommy Measure Winners (I actually have 2!): #50 AmyLynn and #3 Mrs. Understood. CONGRATS! Please email me your address (babymakingmachine{at}gmail.com) and I'll get it sent to you!

My Birth Wishes and Preparing for Birth Part 1

I'm less than eight weeks away from my due date and I've been thinking a lot about our big day... The day she arrives.

I've been torn for a long time on where to put my feelings on the topic of D-Day. I've witnessed people get more emotionally invested than I want to be in how labor plays out. Every time I find myself worrying about how things will play out I force myself to take a step back and realize this is just one day in the rest of my life.

I came across an interesting quote in the first chapter of "The Official Lamaze Guide: Giving Birth With Confidence." It says:

"Research shows that the day a woman gives birth is not 'just another day,' and that decades later, women clearly recall positive and negative aspects of their birth experiences. Women's satisfaction with their birth has little to do with the length, difficulty, or painfulness of their labors and more to do with their personal expectations, their involvements in decision making, and how they were treated by their caregivers."

It goes on to say that your "memories of birth can influence your confidence and self-image in the future." Which is slightly surprising to me. Sure, I may be upset if things don't go the way I want but I think there are so many more moments to relish in rather than one bad experience.

A birth experience that isn't "beautiful" or "perfect" won't make me a bad mother or set my child up for failure. Sure, we may have a few setbacks at first but we'll overcome them, as we'll overcome other challenges in life. That said, I want to prepare myself in every way possible to make the most out of my experience, because like my wedding day... It's just one day, but one I'll remember forever.

Taking control of my Birth Wishes started long before Lamaze class and prenatal yoga. Before I was even pregnant I got numerous referrals from doctors and friends I trusted about obstetricians choices.

I decided to go with an obstetrician because my insurance and because personally, I don't have a problem with it or a hospital birth. I think there are good and bad OBs and Midwives and the issue is finding the right person to care for you no matter if MD comes after their name or not.

One of my biggest pet peeves is stereotypes. I don't like when people assume because of someones looks, OB title, or background they're going to act X, way ie: Cut you open if they're an OB.

That said, it works the opposite way as well. Just because someone is a doctor doesn't mean they're perfect or better qualified to handle your situation.

I went to a dentist who told me I had 13 cavities. Obviously he was trying to make a fortune off me, but I wasn't having it. I went for a second opinion, got a COMPLETELY different analysis, and have been sure to review my experience with his practice on every dental ratings website I can find.

It's sad when you go to someone expecting to be able to trust them because... Oh, they're a PROFESSIONAL, but then they don't act that way. It's called life. And Business.

But birth shouldn't be about business. It's a big deal. A bigger deal than my pearly whites.

My family practitioner, whom we love, referred me to my OB. She's a wonderful woman who is just as talkative as our family doctor. She remembers our names, our baby's name, and always takes time to get to know us and make sure all of our questions have been answered.

Given the information I'd seen about cesarians being at an all time high, I was sure I researched what the rates are for my hospital as well as for my OB practice's office. I discussed labor and delivery practices, and have continuously asked questions about how she handles things, and have been comfortable and confidant with my decision of choosing her.

My first tip for expecting mommies worried about their birth experience: RESEARCH your caregiver. It's not fair to play eenie meenie miny mo then blame your horrible experience on all ____s who have ever delivered a baby.

Now that I'm comfortable with my caregiver, my hospital, and I've toured the facility I'll be having my baby in, I'm preparing for delivering my baby.

I've been back and forth over and over again about my approach to childbirth. Do I want to deliver NATURAL, or MEDICATED? At some times I was SURE I'd get an epidural the moment I walked in. I envisioned myself in a dreamlike state waiting patiently for my baby to arrive while I enjoy the last few calm moments with my husband before we welcome our new baby into our lives. Sounds great right?

I'd say it went something like that for about 80% of my friends. Hospital birth, epidural, beautiful, healthy baby.

Now I'm not sure if it's a blessing or a curse, but because of the World Wide Web I've come into contact with many people on the OTHER extreme. Home births, natural labor, failed epidurals, stalled labor from epidurals. Who knew there were so many negative possibilities? I didn't. Not until I joined Twitter and had a few dozen people rain on my parade. But somehow I'm grateful for them.

I've come to see a different side of things. And while I'm not on the polar opposite side than before, I'm somewhere in the middle observing both sides and keeping a moderate, yet enlightened stance.

Birth is natural, and I do think more women could have a little more faith in what we can do. I know I needed a little faith-boost myself. I'm not promising that I'm going to have no help with pain medication... But I'm WAY more open to the possibility of natural childbirth than ever before.

I became acquainted with a woman who works for Lamaze and became familiar with their Six Healthy Birth Practices, and agreed to give them a try.

Looking them over first glance the one that states "avoid medical interventions..." made me a little squeamish because I thought that meant "no epidural" (I don't like committing myself to one thing and that leading to disappointment if I change my mind.) but that's not what it means. Their healthy birth practices are a great guide and philosophy for childbirth.

So, what I've decided is I'm going to prepare for a natural labor. I have been, and I will continue to, and plan to stick it out as long as possible. If I can give birth without an epidural, great! If I decide I want it earlier than I thought, fine! But I'm not going to make my decision one way or another at this point in time. I'm going to wait and see what my body tells me to do.

Earlier, you may have noticed I called some of this my "Birth Wishes." Many online friends, as well as my OB suggest writing a "Birth Plan," which outlines how I'd like my labor to go and what I think about certain interventions, or decisions such as "who will cut the umbilical cord."

I decided to call it "Birth Wishes" instead of a "Birth Plan" because I don't think labor isn't something you can plan. From the moment it starts to the moment that child comes out, it's not up to me... But her.

Some criticize me for calling it "wishes" saying it's too forgiving, or flexible-sounding. To be handing the staff attending me a piece of paper and calling it "the plan" is a little pretentious, and I'd rather show them a bit of respect, (even if it's so slight as the title of a document) so that they'll show me the same respect. Anyway, it's what's written in the letter that's more important than the title anyway.

I read a GREAT blog post on this same topic of "what to call a Birth Plan".

I intend to take the list I made from Earth Mama Angel Baby's free birth plan creator, as well as the principles from Lamaze, plus my own twist on things, and write it into a personal letter. Print several copies on heavy card stock and present it with a basket of goodies.

What are my Birth Wishes? It's not all about "no Pitocin" and "don't ask me if I want an epidural, let me ask" ... But a lot of the things important to me are after birth or in the experience of labor... What I'm wearing, or listening to for example and what I want my baby to wear right after birth.

Tomorrow I'll share the next segment of my Birth Wishes with you and the BIG goal I have for my birth experience.