I'm having my next baby here

I think the perfect birth would be a water birth with an epidural. Sadly I can't find any doctors or midwives who will hook a sista up with that, so I'm searching for the next best thing. No, not an orgasmic birth. Weird! But I am looking into other avenues I once thought were strange.

I LOVED my birth. Nothing against it. Nothing I'd do differently if I could do it again, but I'm open to trying new things. Which is what intrigued me about a local birth center.
At work I recently had the chance to interview a midwife who owns a birth center for a health segment I do once a week. That's one thing I love about my job. It gives me a chance to meet people and see things I may not normally see.

But something I found once I arrived was this wasn't just any birth center--It's quite possibly the only birthing center in the world that could convert me, (an epidural lover) into a midwife and birth center prospect.

First of all, I'm not the type of person who could give birth to my baby at home. Not on purpose at least. I like to be in some kind of professional atmosphere. I loved the hospital but a birth center has a nice homier feel, but without my dog's hair everywhere.

The owner, Jeanne, she rocked my socks off the bat. She told me straight up, her birth center isn't for everyone. People who are high risk or who really don't want to feel any pain she said she'd recommend they look elsewhere. Their pre-patient screenings help them to have very low transfer rates, and since I've already had one baby vaginally, there's something like a 1/400 chance things wouldn't go as well the second time.

She also had positive things to say about OBs, hospitals, and how she thinks the "us vs them" mentality is ridiculous (it took every fiber of my being to keep me from hugging her when she said this). I told her how I loved my birth experience but am open to trying something new, and she didn't try for one second to tell me how her way was better than any other way. She said everyone wants different experiences and your expectations can greatly impact how you feel in the end.

I had never met someone from her side of the fence who seemed so open to different opinions. This opened my mind to the serious consideration of a birth outside of a hospital.

The reason I crossed this idea off from the get go last time was because my insurance covered my hospital fees 100% after a $150 deductible. 150 bucks, that's it. My contribution was chump change compared to my $17,000 bill.

Now my insurance plan is more like 90/10. Still not bad, but 10% of that bill is $1,700. The total cost of all of the care at this birth center, including all prenatal care, yoga twice a week, ultrasounds and the birth is--better sit down--$4,500. Worst case scenario my out of network cost would be 20% and thus about $900.

This decision doesn't all come down to money but now the idea is definitely on my radar. Just getting a tour of this place got me all excited. Look at these tubs! My hospital didn't have any sadly. These beds and tubs looked so cozy I just want to get a babysitter and escape there with my husband. I'd use it as a bed and breakfast. I'm not picturing myself shaking from pain intensity while pushing a ten pound baby out of my whohaah with no pain medication.

Oh, and about the drugs. They have some there! Not epidurals but something special they can give you to "take the edge off." I need to ask again what this is called because if it's what I got at the hospital last time before I got my epidural I don't want it. I felt like a drunk... At least I think that's how a drunken person would feel.

Others tell me laboring in a birthing tub is like having an epidural but I don't believe them. I want to but I just can't. People telling me that must not have had the awesome experience I did with my drippy drug. They also tell me babies born naturally are more alert. I'm not sure why that's a positive yet but maybe someone will tell me. My daughter seemed pretty alert to me. But really, who wants an extremely perky baby to deal with after running a marathon? I'll take the sleepy one.

Anyway, I'm keeping this place in my back pocket for Spawnie #2. This specific room. But my husband says a birth center is out of the question because they don't have epidurals and because I "don't remember how bad it was" but he does. We'll need to work on his dulo skills.

Part of me thinkings "if it aint broke, don't fix it" but at the same time, what if the experience could be even BETTER?

My Baby Birthing Tips

So as a grand finale to your pregnancy there's the birth. I've only done it once and I'm not going to act like I know all of the answers on the subject. There is no cookie-cutter answer to anything and everyone's birth is different, but I do have some tips based on what I did and learned to help you prepare to have a good experience.



1. Choose Your Caregiver Wisely: I can't emphasize this enough. If you want to deliver your baby at home or in a birth center, you'll most likely use a midwife. If you want to deliver at a hospital you have a choice. You can't assume all OB's are evil and all midwives are angels, you've gotta do some digging and not be afraid to talk to your potential caregiver about your concerns and desires.



Ask your friends who they recommend. I had a prenatal massage by a really sweet doula who told me she loved my OB. Coming from a woman who works a lot with women who birth at home this meant a lot to me.



You also can check out Lamaze's Birth Survey results. I filled one out, and you can too (if you've given birth before), about your provider so people know who are researching their providers can read about your experiences.



Some questions you can ask when deciding on who to choose: What's your birth philosophy? Do you have a time line for how long you think a woman should be in active labor? How long past a due date are you comfortable letting a woman go before suggesting induction? What do you think about doulas?



Or anything else you may be concerned about. You can ask how often they perform cesareans, or how often women in their practice labor without any interventions. You can even ask how soon they'll let you get an epidural, or how late.



2. Be Up Front: This kinda goes with #1. You want to be up front with your caregiver about what kind of experience you're looking for. Wouldn't you hate to find out 9 months in that they prefer you stay in bed during labor? It wouldn't be fun starting the search all over again. Also ask questions about your hospital's policy. Mine didn't have strict rules about food and liquids during labor, but many do. Ask what positions you can labor or deliver in (if that's something you're concerned about).



3. Take a Childbirth Class: And have your partner go with you! They're fun and educational. You really can't go wrong by taking one. I took a Lamaze class and loved it. I also listened to some hypnosis but that wasn't for me... I fell asleep every time I turned them on but during labor I HATED it (personally, but I know a lot it works for!).



4. Have a Birth "Plan": I prefer the term "birth wishes" or "preferences" rather than "plan" because you really can't plan what you're baby's going to do. However, it's still a good idea to think about what you'd like to happen in a perfect world. Or in a not so perfect world. I even had an "in case of an emergency" section of mine with things like "let the sheet down after she's born... etc" in case I needed an emergency c-section. It's not a bad idea to think about your preferences in a situation like that.



Write it early, (you can always change it as you go. I had 2 or 3 versions) and talk it over with your caregiver.



6. Have a Music Playlist (or Two): I had three different labor playlists: Upbeat, Relaxation, and Just Meeting (one to play after she came out). The upbeat one totally had me in the zone more than anything else when I was working through my contractions. I was just moving around on my yoga ball to the beat, and breathing on my own. I like music when I work out and I felt like I was getting a workout so it worked. I maybe should have started with relaxing since I was so tense but it's something I'll keep in mind next time.



6-11 Are the Lamaze 6 Healthy Birth Practices (in my words) which I HIGHLY recommend.



6. Let Labor Start on It's Own: If labor gets going on it's own you'll save a lot of medical interventions that come with induction. Obviously I didn't do this one, but I'd recommend it. Here are some tips for keeping you birth as healthy and safe as possible if induction is necessary. And here's what I learned about trying to induce labor naturally, or medically.



7. Get Moving: Walk, move around, and change positions during labor: I took this advice to heart in the first several hours of my labor, even though I was hooked up to monitors and pitocin. This makes it harder but not impossible.



I didn't enjoy walking as much as I did moving on my yoga ball. My Lamaze instructor taught us some thing we could do on a yoga ball and some of them really helped me. Here's a video of me and Lil' J demonstrating a few things I learned.

8. Bring a Buddy: Meaning a loved one, friend or doula who can offer support. I had my husband who learned the Lamaze techniques with me, but it was my mom who got there earlier than expected and was a big help during labor. She wasn't in the room when I pushed (I wanted it to be just my husband and I) but she was rubbing my legs, my back, my feet. Oh man, I didn't realize how much of a help it was to have someone who knew what to do. She'd been through that and while my husband was sweet, he would ask me what I wanted, when I needed him to just do.



I'm not sure I'll go the doula route next time. I think they are awesome and have their place though, so look into it. But a support person can be any woman who knows what you're going through, or even a friend or loved one would do! (Even a doulo husband or partner if you think he'd be helpful).



9. Avoid Interventions You Don't NEED: I was as adamant about this as I could be, even though I was induced. Right before I checked in I got a sweet email from Amy Romano, my Cyber Lamaze Coach, and she gave me some fabulous tips to remember. One that stuck out was to avoid having my water broken. You can delay things longer (as long as there's not an emergency situation preventing this) if you still have your bag of waters intact.



In my "Birth Wishes" I said I'd like my water to break on its own. I can't remember if I addressed internal fetal monitoring, but I knew I personally didn't want that. My water broke before I got my epidural, and that epidural was an intervention I needed. It helped me relax when it was becoming too difficult to do on my own.



You can ask for a heplock and no IV, so you have more freedom of not being hooked up to anything. You can also ask for intermittent or wireless monitoring, so you're not hooked up to a machine constantly. And you can avoid pain killers. If you go to a Lamaze class they go through the positives and negatives of each intervention, so you can decide what's worth it to you. I really enjoyed it because I felt like it was a very unbiased approach to it all.



10. Avoid Giving Birth on Your Back, and Follow Your Urges to Push: I had asked about squat bars and taking off the bottom part of the bed so I was in almost a sitting position versus laying backwards. The nurse said we'd see how it goes without the bars and if I still wanted them they'd bring them in. After a slight push and seeing her head, I knew I wouldn't need them. But they did take off the bottom part of the bed so I wasn't lying on my back to get her out. I was in a more seated position. I think it made it easier for me. She was out in minutes.



I didn't have a huge urge to push, but I know many people do. From what I've heard it's like when you're going to throw up. You know you're going to heave and you can't control it.



My pitocin had been turned off so I wasn't having many contractions, but I could feel the muscles I needed to push her out.



If you don't want to be coached on when to push and for how long, tell them. I wanted to get her out so I was pushing when they weren't saying push, and not pushing when I didn't feel like it. I say go with your instincts on this. Having the epidural does make it more difficult in the "feeling it" aspect, but try what you can!



11. Stick Together: After your baby is born stick together--You and the baby. This helps bonding and breastfeeding.



I asked her to be placed on me right after birth, so my OB didn't suction her mouth, clean her or anything, she just handed her to me, gooey and all. I didn't breastfeed right away cause I honestly wasn't thinking about it, and I kinda forgot, and didn't know how to do it, but a few minutes later I gave it a try (still hadn't a clue what I was doing) and the nurse helped me.



I asked that one of us be with her when she needed to go to the nursery, and that most of her tests be performed in our room.



I think this initial contact helps with breastfeeding and bonding. At least it seems to have helped for me.



12. Let Other Opinions Go: If you're reading this you're involved in social media. Don't do what I did and let other opinions stress you out to where you're more worried about what others will think than your own experience. This goes for your family and friends too. You may love them, but this is your experience.



I had to take a step back and regroup after I realized how all of the influence was doing a number on me.



If you want to have a water birth, and catch your own baby, don't let others sway you. Or if you want to do your hair and makeup before so you can have cute pictures afterward, own it! Someone WILL disagree with something you do no matter what. Don't let it get to you, and do what makes you happy. Don't feel like you need to prove people wrong, or right, just do you, and leave other opinions by the wayside.



I hope this all helps a little if you're preparing to have a baby. These are things I did and some of these may work for you. Some may not. If you'd like more information on healthy birth practices you can check out Lamaze's page where they have videos on each of the subjects, and more detailed descriptions of techniques that can help and why.



Good Luck! And feel free to share your tips for others reading!



Everyone who comments on this post before October 16th will be entered to win a great prize that you or a friend can enjoy before and during labor with your baby. A Sound Beginnings music player from Creative Baby. You can play music and your voice to your baby while listening to the same thing to start bonding early. Little J has loved music from day 1 and I think using something like this made it that way. If you follow @SoundBeginnings on Twitter or their Facebook page you'll get an extra entry.

***

Winner of $40 to Kids Room Decor Inc. #40 Miss Sophie. Congrats! You'll have 48 hours to respond to my email!

Lil' J's Birth Story: Part 1

I met with my OB on Tuesday after having contractions for days. I busted out my contraction tracker iPhone app a few times to time them and while at times they were 2-3 minutes apart for hours I knew they weren’t strong enough to be doing much, and if I went to the hospital I’d be sent home.

I was checked at my appointment and still just 1.5cm dilated and 50% effaced. Still a long way to go. We did an ultrasound and saw that my amniotic fluid levels and placenta looked good, and my baby was still doing well. They didn’t guestimate how big she was during the ultrasound and tell me I needed to induce because of her size, but I knew in my gut she was big.

My OB doesn’t induce before 41 weeks unless it’s medically necessary; so the first day I could choose to be induced was Saturday. I’d be 41 weeks and 2 days pregnant, huge, and ready to evict her.

My maternity leave had already started, and my husband had already been off work for a week, waiting for our daughter to arrive. I asked my doctor what the benefits of waiting would be and if she thought it would be better if I waited until 42 weeks, or went with inducing Saturday. She said it’s really hard to tell before. She said there’s a chance the baby isn’t quite ready to come out when you induce early, but there’s also a chance she could get too big the longer she’s inside. My husband and I decided going with Saturday, July 3rd would be the best choice.

My OB picked up the phone, set my appointment and said we needed to go to the hospital Friday night to check in, and get Cervidil started to help get my cervix softer and ready for pitocin. There was a chance contractions would start that night and that I wouldn’t need pitocin in the morning, but I wasn’t counting on it.

In the mean time I tried every wives tale and natural induction method I had heard of. Contractions would start and go and go and go but they were never very painful. Either I had higher pain tolerance than I thought, or nothing was really happening.

I went about that week getting everything ready for her new due date. I cherished every night my husband had to sleep in, stay up late, take naps, and have our last few moments of time alone as non-parents.

Thursday night, our last night together before going to the hospital, neither of us could sleep. I remember looking at my husband and telling him I felt like I was waiting for Christmas. He smiled and said him too. We were both so anxious.

Friday morning we woke up with a list of things to do before heading to the hospital. The last few things on my list were to put my hair in rollers, put in my fake eyelashes, do my makeup and pig out.

I ate some pasta, turned on some tunes, bounced on my yoga ball, and rolled my hair for the next hour. I figured I may have time to freshen up and do my makeup after my daughter was born and before taking photos, but I may not, so I did it beforehand just in case. I wanted good pictures dangit!When I came down stairs my husband looked at me and laughed.

"Are we going to a photo shoot or going to have a baby?" He asked me.

I thought for a second. "Both."
We dropped our house key off at a friend’s house so they could let Snoop out, and decided to take a trip to IHOP. Another reason I love my husband… He’s not afraid to be seen in public with me, 41 weeks pregnant, with rollers in my hair.

After eating a scrumptious meal—French toast and eggs—And giggling at the awkward looks I was getting in the process, it was go time!

Although we weren’t rushing to the hospital because of outrageously painful contractions making me scream, we still were in a bit of a hurry because we were running late for my check in time. We were supposed to be there at 6pm, so we pretended like we were on the verge of having the baby in the car.

It was pouring rain outside, and since I had done so much work to get my hair straight, then rolled, I tried my best to stay dry. The sight of me, big belly, in hair rollers, carrying a huge hospital bag and a pink umbrella was too good to pass up. We stopped to grab a picture before we went in.I carried one of my bags and a woman spotted me in the hall—shocked that I was carrying it (I know she was looking at my husband wondering why he was letting me do that). I insisted that it was my choice. I was doing everything I could to help my baby out! Plus, it wasn’t like I was in labor or leaking amniotic fluid all over the place.

Once we got to labor and delivery I realized how nice it was to be checking in with a clear mind.

“Jennifer?” the woman behind the counter confirmed my appointment. “You’re in room 260.”

As we walked down the halls I distinctly remember feeling like we were getting VIP treatment and checking into a hotel. This is my style, I thought to myself.

Or first nurse—Jennifer—Came in and said hi. She was a nice lady, sorta soft spoken, but friendly. She asked me to change into my hospital gown and I let her know I brought my own.

Once I changed, and hopped into bed, it hit me that this was really happening.
The nurse put my saline block in so I’d be ready for an IV in the morning, and put the Cervidil in. I got hooked up to monitoring, though she showed me how to detach them in case I wanted to move around.

I had a lot of questions for her: Was wireless monitoring available? Could I get a foley catheter to help me dilate if the Cervidil didn’t work? What could I do to get my bishiop score from a 6 up to a 7 or an 8? If the Cervidil worked really well could we skip the pitocin all together?

I could tell she was surprised I knew as much as I did, and did her best to answer all of my questions.

My husband told me to calm down, and kept reminding me everything was going to be ok. He asked me to try to remember why we were there—To have a baby. And said we’d be blessed and happy if she and I were both healthy at the end of the day.

He could tell I was stressing out about how everything was going to end up. I was over thinking things.

She told me contractions could get started that night, but gave me some sleeping medication so I could sleep through it. I took one and saved the other—Thinking I’d use it to help me sleep through active labor in the morning. I ended up never using that other pill.

Jennifer brought me some surprisingly yummy hospital food and my husband went out to get us more food. I figured I should eat as much as I could before we got the show on the road.
Contractions picked up stronger than they had been before, but they still weren’t as painful as I knew they could or would be. So I prepared myself to get pitocin to help in the morning.

That night I slept to the sounds of my daughter’s heartbeat on the monitor, and dreamed about what meeting her would be like.

Lil' J's Birth Story: The Preface

In the hours and days before the birth of my daughter I envisioned what our first moments together would be like—What I’d think when I first saw her. Would she be like a stranger to me, or would it feel like I had known her my whole life? That moment was finally staring me in the face.

First I heard her cry, a good sign since NICU nurses were on standby in case she didn’t. There was meconium—lots of it—in my amniotic fluid and they wanted to be sure she hadn’t inhaled any of it.

When I saw my baby’s face for the first time, and got to hold her in my arms, all of my stresses, my worries, my anxiety about how she would arrive not only went out the window--They became insignificant.

My daughter was here. She was a healthy 9 pounds 9 ounces, 20-and-a-half inches long. And I was a healthy mom. Everything didn’t go exactly as I imagined, but in many ways it was better than I could have hoped.

Breastfeeder/formula feeder. Cosleeper/ separate sleeper. Natural birth/ epidurals. Vaginal birth/ cesarean sections. None of those terms really matter to anyone other than the mother and her child. I think we sometimes we put too much emphasis on labels and automatically judge a person based on a word as simple as “Cosleeper.”

Really, the most important part of my birth story is described in the first few paragraphs of this post. The other details—Preferences I had and choices I made may matter more or less to others but it’s all a part of my beautiful story of bring my baby into the world.

I felt a sense of accomplishment. We did it! I incubated and birthed a baby and officially became a mommy.
More of the details of our story coming tomorrow.

Photo from Forever Bliss Photography.

How I Envision My Birthing Day: Birth Wishes Part 2

Read Preparing for Labor: My Birth Wishes Part 1 here.



My husband and I are 2/3s done with our Lamaze childbirth class. Although I thought I knew a lot about labor going into it, I've learned so much more.

I know some people giggle at the idea of childbirth classes but I think they're great, helpful, and important. If anything, it's a fun excuse to get out with your hubby once a week, and practice a new hobby together.

I've also been reading The Official Lamaze Guide: Giving Birth With Confidence, and I have to admit, I was hesitant when picking it up, I sometimes feel childbirthed-out and like I can't stand to think another moment about preparing for this single moment that will be eclipsed by my baby's smile in a matter of months. However, I brought the book with me while I was getting my hair done and have been interested in quite a bit of content.

Lamaze has been a great opportunity for my husband and I to talk about how we want things to go, and how he'll support me during labor, and it's given me the backbone of my Birth Wishes philosophy. Their six healthy birth practices are:

1: Let labor begin on its own
2: Walk, move around and change positions throughout labor
3: Bring a loved one, friend or doula for continuous support
4: Avoid interventions that are not medically necessary
5: Avoid giving birth on your back and follow your body's urges to push
6: Keep mother and baby together - It's best for mother, baby and breastfeeding

And all of them you'll see flowing into my letter of desires.

Along with Lamaze I've been listening to labor hypnosis tracks daily as well as pregnancy affirmations, and practicing prenatal yoga. All together I think I'll be ready for my "pressure waves" (aka contractions) on my birthing day (labor aka D-Day).

I've thought a lot about how I'd like my birthing day do go and although I know anything could happen, and that I need to be open and flexible, I visualize it going something like this:

I envision labor starting on its own in the early morning hours. I'll wake up in the middle of the night from contractions, but forcing myself to go back to sleep. It's going to be a long day(s) and as exciting as it is, I'll need some rest.

When I can't take the pressure anymore I'll get up and fill up the bathtub with hot water and turn on my relaxation playlist. I may listen to some hypnosis, and just breath through the contractions. I'll also have my iPhone near by so I can time the contractions, or have my husband time them on my Contraction Tracker.

I know early labor up to 5cm dilated will be a good long portion of the process (about 2/3rds usually) so I'm going to try my best to stay relaxed, and get to dilating.

Relaxation helps with letting my body do it's job, but the contractions are also working to push the baby down, soften, and dilate my cervix. So it's also important to move and help with the process. Eventually my adrenaline will kick in as well as endorphins which should naturally help alleviate some of the pain... That could be later as I'm progressing more to active labor though.



To help speed things along I'll use my husband's help to keep me moving and help the baby thin out my cervix (efface). I'll practice a technique my OB suggested, which we also learned in Lamaze class, and wrap my arms around my husband's neck, stick my hips back and sway in my husband's arms. I will also sit on my birthing ball, do jumping jacks, yoga, whatever the heck it takes. All the while listening to my "upbeat labor playlist" (which is a work in process, so if you have tips, please add your suggestions!).


When active labor kicks in I'll be getting contractions every 3-5 minutes and they'll each last about a minute long. I'm going to try to relax or keep moving on the ball, whatever my body tells me feels right at the time. ...This totally goes with the principal of healthy birth practice #2, "walking, moving around, and changing positions during labor." You can see some good examples of this watching this video:

My OB suggested a lot of movement during natural labor and said women hardly... If ever prefer to be lying down during contractions, so while I'm at home, I plan to use the techniques I've learned. I'm also thinking of printing out photos of positions beforehand so they're readily available and all in front of me during the process.



Another key to me is staying home as long as I can stand it. Staying at home will help with avoiding possible medical interventions. Of course some I think could be necessary, but if I'm doing ok at home and feeling safe I'll stay at home as long as I can.

My OB asks that I call when my contractions are four minutes apart and one minute long for one hour. My iPhone has an alarm for the same time frame, but I changed it to two hours.


One thing I worry about it getting to the hospital, wreathing in pain only to find I'm about 2cm dilated. It's going to take us long enough to get there, passing three other hospitals on the way, I'd like to get there and be ready to stay.


I'm going to of course check with my OB during that time and make sure it's ok that I wait it out a little longer before doing something that could put me and my baby in danger, but I also think my instincts will kick in when it's time to go to someplace safe.

"Most mammals seeks quiet and privacy when they're in labor, and if they sensee danger of any kind, labor stops. This frees them to move to safety, or lets them wait until danger passes to deliver their babies.

Humas labor fits this pattern : Early on, it can be shut down by anxiety, fear, or anything that makes you feel unsafe. That's why it's important to choose a birth site and caregiver that help you feel confidant and secure." (The Official Lamaze Guide p. 98)

So, I'm hoping I'll feel safe at home, but not SO SAFE to where I'll deliver the baby right then and there.

Once it's time to go I'm grabbing my Baby Time hospital bag and a coordinating matching bag packed with extra goodies raging from treats for the staff, and my two Hot Mama Gowns, to music, my laptop and a picture of Spawnie... My focal point.



After, I'm predicting about 10 hours of early and early-active labor we'll make the trek to the hospital which isn't THAT far away, but with the 24/7 traffic in our area, it'll feel like planets away.


I'll practice hypnosis in the car and keep my cool for when we reach the hospital.


Now, besides Spawnie coming out beautiful, healthy, and looking quite un-spawnlike, the ONE thing that would make my Birth Dreams come true is if I get the awesome compliment of "you can't be in labor you're too calm." That will be my big goal. Even if I have to hold it in and fake it just until I hear someone say it, that's what I'm shooting for.


I'll hand off the basket of goodies to my first attending nurse with my pre-thank-you letter and Birth Wishes printed on hard paper, with ribbon tied through some punch holes. I'll bring about 6-8 copies. One for my husband and I and some for the attending staff.



Tomorrow, I'll share the ever-evolving letter.

****

Mommy Measure Winners (I actually have 2!): #50 AmyLynn and #3 Mrs. Understood. CONGRATS! Please email me your address (babymakingmachine{at}gmail.com) and I'll get it sent to you!

NOT to Doula

It started with my initial "Doula Dilemma", then I took that advice I got from there and Twitter and wrote again: "To Doula or Not to Doula." Then I wrote my decision on my Real Mom TV Blog. Here's an excerpt:

"I’ve thought a lot about this and it’s hard to admit this publicly amongst so many people who’ve been pushing me to hire a doula as labor support, but as the title of this post suggests, I’ve decided not to hire a doula.

I’ve been back and forth with the doula thing and weighing the pluses and minuses for me. I made a list of the positives and negatives of hiring a doula, and while the list of positives was longer when it came to services a doula can provide… I’ve read the benefits over and over (and doulas themselves will always tell you the MANY benefits). But when I compared it to what mattered MOST to me: Feeling like my husband and I are experiencing it and making decisions together, experiencing this special milestone alone (Ok, so when you’re pushing you’re not alone but there are hours of down time between nurse visits and whatnot) and feeling a since of accomplishment that WE did it… It outweighed many of the reasons I wanted to hire a doula..."

I wrote my doula decision a couple of days ago and that's the first part of my explaining my decision. You can read the rest here on my Real Mom TV Blog. Penny for your thoughts.

To Doula or Not to Doula?

"My husband does not want a doula, he wants it to be more of an experience between us, and I honestly don’t really think I need one either. I know they can be very helpful and supportive and help tremendously through labor, but I also know they can be expensive, and not necessary. Not necessary, meaning most women I know survive labor without them, and I think we could too. But I’ve had lots and lots of doulas on Twitter tell me I need one, that it’s worth every penny, and that my birthing experience will surely be way better with one… Actually, I’d be crazy not to hire one.

While appealing, I wasn’t buying it. But, I decided I would at least consider a doula, and do a little research before completely throwing the option out..."

That's a part of my new post today on Parenting Magazine's site. Read the rest here! And please share your thoughts with me... Here or there!

I'm still feeling a little overwhelmed and not finding time to update this blog as much as I normally do so I'm posting another link to my new post today on Parenting's site. Hope you don't mind. I'm beginning to run behind on giveaways too so I'll try to get one up tomorrow. More updates soon! Oh, and I finished Spawnie's mobile. I'll post about that soon too!

And are any of you going to be at the CIMS (Coalotion for Improving Maternity Services) Conference this weekend? I'm speaking on a panel with some great women! Topic: "Blogging for a Better Birth" Let me know if you'll be there! Hope to meet some of you!

Being Pregnant and Thoughts on Delivery

I decided to take a little bit of a break from the flashback posts. Some are fun but some I've decided to just save for my journal! No sense looking back now.. Only forward right?

So, what everyone's asking... How I'm FEELING.

I'm feeling good. ALWAYS tired, and almost always nauseous. I haven't thrown up... Sometimes I wish I would, but I'm told that doesn't relieve any nausea, so I guess I'll take what I've got. Let me stress how tired I am... So tired I'm not going to proof-read this post. So please excuse any typos.

I have crazy cravings already. Cravings for Ramen, Mac and Cheese (we're happy the baby is a cheap eater) then brownies, carrots, peaches and jalapeno poppers. Not all at the same time.. But many of them, yes. Did I mention I have the best husband? He makes me/ goes to get me whatever I want. He even brings me grapes in the morning when I'm too nauseous to get up! Ok, I'll stop bragging about him now (by the way today is his birthday!).

So lately... I've been more obsessed than ever with watching baby shows. It's all I have set on my DVR. I know my poor husband is sad it's taking up sports time, but it's quite entertaining for me.

I must admit, they are NOT as fun to watch now that I'm pregnant. I mean, they kind of are, cause they've always been intriguing to me, but it's not as fun thinking about getting this baby out one day... When it's like 10,000Xs bigger.

As far as progress, I found a doctor I LOVE and a hospital I want to deliver at. I checked out a couple of hospitals and a birth center. I chose the hospital I did because of all of the reviews I've read, because I liked the feel of it, because of my doctor and some friends.

I also have a close friend who recently had a baby at another hospital I was considering and she was not impressed at all.

As far as the birth center... I'd have to come out of pocket a lot for it. I wasn't totally sold on it from the beginning, and from the start I thought I'd feel more comfortable in a hospital, so the money was an additional minus for me. Maybe next time... But this time I'm excited to have an OB I love... At a hospital I liked and possibly hire a doula to help along the way.

My OB was referred to me by my family doctor who I love. He gave me her name and one other. I did research on them as well as a few others I was considering, and a couple of midwife groups and I ended up choosing an OB I thought would be perfect for me. When I went to her practice for the first time I felt at home. She and her staff made no only me, but my husband feel comfortable, and she took the time to talk to us, and joke with us... I can't stress enough how much I love her and how excited I am to have her.

I later found out she delivered the baby of a friend I work with... She wasn't her OB but was the on call doctor the day she delivered and my friend told me she liked her more than her own doctor!

One thing that DEFINITELY tells me I'm pregnant is the CONSTANT outpouring of advice!! To my TTC friends here's a fact.. And to my preggo friends and moms... You know this is the truth... People LOVE to tell pregnant people advice. Whether it's some secret remedy for morning sickness, what books to read, how to deliver your baby, what to wear, EVERYONE has something to say.

Luckily for me, I don't mind. I like advice, the more the merrier... But I remember to take it all with a grain of salt, and so far... It's not getting annoying.

I was tweeting about watching a Baby Story which of course took us to the topic of labor. I don't know what it is but it seems like most of my followers are natural birthers/ home birthers etc. I think that's awesome because I get to hear from a side you don't often get to hear from, but the constant pounding about natural labor is making me nervous.

I'm TOTALLY open to things like birthing balls, hypnobirthing, and trying things the natural way but I am NOT against getting an epidural either. I don't see anything wrong with either.

I've had so many friends go into labor with an idea of how they'd do it but things changed. I know people who wanted an epidural right away but were too far along to get one, then ended up doing it naturally. I've known people who wanted no medication, and to try hypnobirthing and dancing through labor but ended up needing an emergency c-section while unconscious.

To be honest I'm not one to stress over how I'm getting my baby out. I just want to get it out when the time is right, and safely. I don't think an epidural is going to hurt my baby any more than delivering it at home unassisted... And I don't care which way others decide to go. I just know that I want to do what's comfortable and right for me. I actually don't get all of the hype/ obsession over Hospitals= Evil or Home births= Reckless.

Since when did people care so much about what other people do? As long as you're not pushing me into one or the other I'm not going to tell you my opinion on your birthing decisions. One solution isn't going to work for everyone. We all have different conditions and different things that make us feel more comfortable.

I feel so bad when women tell me they regret getting an epidural, or regret not going natural the whole way. I don't know why that is exactly but I hope I don't have regrets. My friend who ended up being put out for labor after dreams of a natural birth... Does she have regrets? No! She's happy to have her healthy little girl.

I think it's safe to say I've done my fair share of research. And I'll continue to do it as I go along. But don't hate me if I get drugs ok? We've all gotta do what works for us, and I'd hate to have my good moment ruined my people telling me I drugged my baby.

I hope if I don't put that pressure on myself to have a "perfect labor" I'll just be happy to have my baby in my arms once and for all... Regardless of how it gets its big self out of my womb. Sure, I won't go in begging for an epidural... (Or maybe I will). Either way, I just need to get from point A to point B. (A being enormously pregnant and B being a mom with a healthy new baby in my arms.)

Isn't that what's most important?

That being said, I LOVE reading labor stories! I hear all of the stuff on A Baby Story is overly dramatic... If that's the case, show me what you've got! Write a post about your labor story, or link up to one you've already posted! I've read some crazy ones already... From emergency operations to delivering at home on the stairs! Bring it!

PS: YES... I've seen "The Business of Being Born" I think I'll get that question as much as the question I got when TTC "Have you read 'Taking Charge of Your Fertility'?"

The Big 'O' When You'd Least Expect

One of the scariest parts of having a kid... Labor! I'm not going to get into all of the different ways to have a baby until--Let's say at least not until I'm pregnant. But when I came across a crazy story on 20/20 I couldn't help but think this would be the best way to go.

The idea of a natural birth never seemed appealing to me.. That is until I heard about Orgasmic Labor... Now that's what I'm talkin' about! Although drugged-up and pain-free sounds fun, this way could be even better. Apparently some people try to have an orgasmic delivery while others it just happens for.

I told my husband about the story and told him I thought it was a great way to go but he brought up a good point... While you can try, it doesn't happen to everyone. I'm not sure how common it is but I can only imagine how angry I'd be if I purposely didn't get the epidural--Thinking I'd have a euphoric delivery, but it instead turns out excruciating.

Orgasmic labor also brings up the question of the "birthing video." It's bad enough having one of those to begin with (although I'm not gonna lie I actually think it's awesome) but a delivery video like THAT may be mistaken for a kinky sex tape.

If you like to read it here's the whole story. But you can watch it below.


To prove that it is possible to have pleasure in childbirth, Pascali-Bonaro made a documentary called "Orgasmic Birth." After seeing this story I just had to learn more, so for those of you who are as curious as I am... For your viewing enjoyment, here is the trailer for the documentary.