The Show That May Change My Mind

Thanks Oprah, for ruining all of the happy feelings I have had towards motherhood. Was I the only person who watched yesterday? No, I don't think so. So let's chat.

When I heard about the show topic being on motherhood I got all excited. I know it was suppose to talk about "the bad" and "the ugly", but I assumed "the good" would be somewhere in there too. Mentally going back to my college days, I brought my laptop over to the TV, to take notes... (Oh yes I did)... During the show.

Parts of the show were really funny and interesting to me, I was able to add to the list of "the things they don't tell you," (I'll post about that later--they had a whole block dedicated to that question), but overall I was kind of left with a depressing feeling about motherhood... No joke...

The only positive experience I got out of the whole thing was from women communicating with me though Twitter. Some moms on the "happy" end of the spectrum gave me their opinions. Cristina aka Native Mamma told me "if motherhood wasn't worth the hassle NOBODY would have more then 1," that seemed so true to me! Why didn't they talk about that on Oprah?

Another mom on Twitter, Monique said "Don't let them get you down. I have 4 and they're worth every single gray hair and nervous breakdown. =)" I sure hope so!
What scared me was that the women on the show weren't saying it was worth it! One or two woman went as fas as saying "What did I get myself into?" and some even said sometimes they've felt like they've made a mistake becoming a mom! It reminded me of a study I saw reported about on Momlogic, that implied "kids [could]= unhappiness."

See.. That's the scary regret I'm talking about. I've never felt that way about anything so important to me in my life... And to think that that's "NORMAL" for some... or a lot of women terrifies me! No... I've never honestly thought my marriage was a mistake, how could these women say that about their children?

It seems to me the root of the problem (which they addressed at the very end) is the fact that TV shows make motherhood look easy... And happy-looking-neighbors, make motherhood/parenting look easy. And women who compare themselves to what they see on the outside think their feelings of overwhelmingness is something only they experience, and they feel bad for feeling that way.

I think the show was meant to show women who have those feelings that they're not alone. I get it, but I think it also scared the $#%* out of some women who were maybe thinking they might like to possibly become one someday, perhaps.

I'm not trying to make women who feel that way feel bad, I mean, my heart goes out to women who feel way, but it makes me wonder if motherhood is for everyone--If it's for me.

I was still pretty ticked about it this morning and wrote a blog post on Momlogic... A letter to Oprah. It's not quite as nice and open as this one, nonetheless it's how I'm feeling right now. Oh and here's one more depressing yet "honest" article that CNN even featured on the topic.

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Oprah, I love you but you pissed me off

It's not you, it's the women you had on your show. What was that meant to do? Scare the living bejeezes out of future moms like myself who are contemplating motherhood? Maybe that wasn't the point. I guess the point was to uplift moms.. More specifically stay at home moms right? The ones who get all down because they compare themselves to other women who they think are all happy and perfect. When are they going to wake up?... Or don't they, until they are driven to the thoughts of "What did I get myself into?" and "I think I made a mistake."

Oprah, you're not a mom, and I'm not a mom but I think we both know it's hard. We have moms don't we? And if that's not testament enough I think we get the point after reading the bizzilionth blog post about how being a SAHM is SOOOOO hard. If it sucks so bad why have more than one?

I'm not trying to down play it at all ok? I don't think you are either, and that's why you invited these women on your show. But what do you think it says to women who want children but can't have any? Women who are so excited to have a child and are always running into women who are griping about being moms. Or women like me who are kind of on the fence about the whole topic?... Did one person on that show even say it was worth it?

The Scary Regret

I try to live my life with no regrets. From time to time there are little things I wish I didn't say or do, but overall, I don't have (m)any major regrets. That's not to say things haven't been difficult. Thinking about how we bought our condo just a year and a half before a major recession and housing crisis doesn't give my stomach the best feeling, but we felt good about it. I have to keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason. Luckily we found a great renter, and we're praying she'll stay another year.

Moving half-way across the country wasn't easy. Sometimes we miss our family and friends, and wonder why we left... But I know if we didn't move here I'd be complaining about the snow, and wondering worlds of "what ifs" about moving. And I'm actually liking Austin... A lot. I think I could actually make this place home.

I've never regretted getting married when I did. In fact, I think that was probably the best decision I've made in my life. I was young, two weeks short of my 19th birthday, but I knew that I was not making a mistake.

Now I'm approaching life's next stage, one of the final stages of adulthood...Parenting, and I can't help but think about all of the timing questions and what I'll think after--Years after. Everyone always says "it'll change your life" I know that... That's part of the reason why you choose to take that step. Many people then say "...But I wouldn't trade [baby name] for the world." I'm so glad that's the case, I'd feel bad if you regretted your decision. But occasionally I do get the response "If I could do it over and get the same children I probably would have waited longer," and that is what scares me. Hindsight is great when it comes to things you'll have a chance to do over... But going from being a non-parent to being a parent is kind of a one-time thing. So the only reasonable solution I can think of is learning from the wise.

Only once has someone told me "If I could do it over I wouldn't have waited as long to have children." If my memory serves me correctly he had had several kids, all were grown, but apparently he and his wife waited a few years.

I LOVE all of the time I'm getting to spend with my Boo right now. He makes me breakfast, when I come home for lunch he's making me something yummy, and dinner time we'll eat together and watch a favorite TV show or movie. We've never got to spend as much time together as we do now, (though our first year of marriage we took four classes together and that was probably pretty close) and I'm realizing this fun quality time at home and little cheap outings around town is just as treasured as the fun big trips (which we don't get to do often anyway). What's one more person joining in on the fun?

While I'm really enjoying our pre-parenting stage of life, and not stressing about our future as much, I do wonder... Will I regret waiting or not waiting? Five, ten or fifteen years from now, will I look back and think "I could have waited longer?" And what do I want for my children? Do I want my little girls to grow up, get married and have babies when they're still young themselves? Or do I wish for them minds off boys, instead focusing successful careers and bettering themselves? Whatever it is, shouldn't I at least give myself that same advice?