In Need of a Date Night... I Think

A husband? What's that?

I catch myself asking that question from time to time over the last few months. I know what a baby's daddy is. I have one of those--Actually, I'm quite convinced I have the best one. But between work, and my daughter, sometimes it's hard to remember I have a husband who needs attention too.

Being back at work seems to be getting a little bit harder every day. I do have my good days, where time flies and it's time to see my baby again, but overall it's really hard to be away from my daughter so many hours every week.

The positive is she has a great daddy at home who manages to go to school, work on my days off, take care of our daughter, and take better care of the house than I ever did. How he does it, I have no clue. But I'm grateful.

When I come home from work my daughter is happy to see me but her eyes never light up as much as they do when she looks at her daddy. Why that is, I have no idea, but she thinks he's really funny. Even when he's just standing there.

Both of us have put the needs of our daughter before our own but I'm torn because I feel like we need US time too.

What's a husband? I have one, but I don't always act like I do. No, I'm not talking about flirting with other men--Who has time to cheat?!--What I'm saying is we don't spend much time alone. And, we haven't been on a date just the two of us since our daughter was born--three and a half months ago! We've each been out and had alone time, and we've gone out as the three of us, but it hasn't been just the two of us (besides one trip to Costco, which I don't count).

What's worse is I don't really feel that bad about it.

I don't miss it being the two of us, or miss having quiet time alone. But I feel like I should. Like maybe it would be healthy for us to get out alone, to nourish our marriage.

Confession: I always told myself when we had kids we'd go on a date at least once a month. Heck, I didn't think it was a stretch to have dinner together once a week. Now I laugh at that thought.

When Lil' J is in bed and we have time to catch up, we interrupt ourselves constantly asking "is she crying?" (we still need to invest in a baby monitor).

And remember that letter I wrote? Yea, still a problem.

I don't think our relationship is suffering from living this way, but I can't help but wonder if it's one of those things that could build up and form something bad. A big fat tumor on our marriage. I don't want to give our marriage cancer, and if a date every once in awhile is the antibody, I'm all for it.

How long did it take for you to go on a date sans baby after birth?

5 Years Down, an Eternity to Go

Exactly five and a half years ago I met the love of my life. I didn't know it then, but he was my future husband.

-June 2004: First date, and first time we met. I thought he was a hottie but had big eyes and was a little shy.

-2 dates later: First kiss, he's not so shy after all, I can't believe I let him kiss me.

-A week after that: We said "I love you."

-A couple days following: We talked about marriage planned it to be 2 years from then.

-Two months later: He goes away to college 3 and a half hours away. We are sad, but see eachother every weekend.

-A month later: We realized long distance SUCKS and decide to move up the wedding to that year.

-October 2004: We get engaged.

-December 2004: We're married exactly 6 months from the day we met.

Things I remember about my wedding day

I remember waking up at an absurd hour because we had to be at the temple about 5 hours early

I remember being tired from staying up late writing in my journal the night before.

I remember taking a shower and thinking I'd better get extra clean.

I remember wondering what our wedding ceremony would be like.

I remember NOT wanting to drive my car up to Salt Lake cause I had just been in an accident and the hood was bent.

I remember seeing my soon-to-be husband right before we walked in our sealing room and thinking "I love you."

I remember not saying "Yes/I do" when I was suppose to, and people thinking I was bailing out.

I remember shaking a little as we exchanged rings.

I remember being so happy walking hand and hand outside of the temple right after we were sealed, and thinking my husband was the most gorgeous man on Earth.

I remember snow on the ground and people shivering, but it was the one day I didn't complain about the cold, I wanted good pictures.

I remember driving back from the temple and thinking "wow, we're married"

I remember my dad being the first person to use the term "your husband" and being weirded out.

I remember downing about three cans of redbull before and during our reception to stay awake.

I remember wondering why we had to stand in a line.

I remember my wedding day being the best day to date, and the first day of the rest of my life.

Like we planned, 5 years later we're expecting our first baby, which is due to be born exactly six years (and two days) from the day we met. Boy we've come a long way!

Since getting married

-We went on a cruise to Mexico for our honeymoon.

-We were poor, our dining-room set was a cardboard box and two camping fold-out chairs we got as a wedding present.

-We arranged our schedules so we took four classes together.

-We got a new (to us) Kitchen set from my husband's grandparents.

-We moved 7 times

-We cleaned toilets together as early morning (4am) custodians and fought over the iPod.

-We bought our first home.

-We spent two summers apart for work.

-We adopted Snoop.

-We moved again.

-We went on a cruise to the Caribbean.

-We started, switched and started new careers.

-We created Spawnie.

-We stayed madly in love with each other.

He's been the most supportive, most forgiving, most loving husband in the world. He's my best friend, a great husband, and he's going to be a wonderful daddy.

I love you baby, and can't wait to see what the next 5(,000,000) years hold!

The Wheel: Balancing Marriage Before and After Baby

Sadly, children is one of the top five reasons couples get divorced. Not having children I'm not exactly sure why that is, but that statistic sorta frightens me.

When I was on my trip with The Blogrollers in Chicago I met a lot of women who had been married longer than I had. One thing I took the time to ask them was how they made their marriage work.

Most women were at a loss for words when it came to describing the technique. From what I hear, once you have kids it can make time together more difficult and stressful. Most of the women I talked to said it was a struggle getting their husbands to help out around the house.

Luckily for me, that's not a problem with us... Yet. To be honest, I'm the one getting begged and pleaded with to help. It's actually been that way the entire time we've been married. I've done the laundry maybe a handful of times, and the dishes... I think three times. So seeing we're an odd couple when it comes to that it has me wondering what our battles will be when a baby comes into the picture.

I think it'll be waking up at night... As we both love to sleep. When we first got Snoop I was the one who got up in the middle of the night to let him go to the bathroom. Now though, my husband is the one that remembers to walk (and feed) him every day.

Thinking about all of this and after reading my friend's Newly Identified blog post about marriage, it made me think about what makes OUR marriage work now.

One of the biggest, most obvious things is communication. We try not to go to bed angry, but sometimes that's not always possible. But when we wake up the next day usually we've cooled off enough to talk about whatever the problem is. Sometimes communication means tears (on my part) but at least it's getting it all out there. Neither of us are too proud to say "I'm sorry," and I can't think of any problem or disagreement we haven't been able to handle.

Sure, there are things that bug the HECK out of me, but I've learned to adjust to them, and not let it get to me. I think that's important--Accepting who they are, and remembering why you fell in love and got married. Sometimes that thing you loved about them changes, but that's ok. I think you've gotta be willing to grow and change together.

But most of all... The advice I think works best in any relationship, is advice I shared in a small hotel room in Chicago with five other wonderful women. The opportunity to share it came up when one of the women said sometimes it's hard to continue to get closer together as you grow older, because you change and sometimes grow apart. In answer to that I shared the advice I was given before we got married and I've promised to never forget.

My future-husband at the time, and I were described as spokes on a wheel. Sometimes we'd be far apart on this wheel and sometimes we'd be close together. But what will be sure to pull us closer together more than anything else is what's in the center of that post... The center being Christ.

He told us if we both work toward getting closer to Christ we'd also be getting closer to each other at the same time.

I'm not sure exactly how having a child will change our marriage. There are the obvious things like sleep and time, but I wonder what kind of toll it will take on us. I love spending time with my husband now, and sometimes that already can be short. How will I continue to make alone time for us?

Last night after a long day we went babysitting. We were both already tired and a little cranky, but our little friend was wide awake and ready to play. Not long after we got there, we were both getting tired. We took turns playing with him while the other rested our eyes.

During my his, my husband was playing with J, but he was being SO loud! I mean, WAY louder than the laughing baby. I shhhed him, and he told me that is what it was going to be like after we have a baby.

His words made me think... Seeing he'll be a fun and entertaining dad is encouraging, but obnoxiously loud? Hmmm. I hope our love for the Lord can keep us from driving each other crazy after kids!

I've heard children can bring you closer together but I've also heard they can drive you further apart. What do you do to keep your marriage going strong? Those with children--How do you make it so your children bring you closer together? What are the major changes in your relationship after having kids? I'd LOVE your input!

The Distance Dilemma--Solved

Don't look back... Only forward. Those are the words that are playing on "repeat" in my mind as I think about my life and the way it's going, though sometimes I'm not sure which way is which.

I loved visiting with all of his family and we miss them so much. But it was also SO much fun to be a visitor. You know... Special treatment and all. Snoop was greeted with a nice big bone on our bed, and we both got treats too. I can imagine how fun it will be when trips to grandma's house are special for our children.

I thought I'd leave Utah yearning for more and dying to move back, but that's not the case. Coming back to Austin was coming Home for us, and it feels great.

Being in a new place--Though I've been there a year, is a good excuse to become a new person, reinvent and redefine oneself. I'm not sure what the new definition of "me" is... Blogger? Potential mother? But I know I have to keep moving forward.

As I leave one family behind I'm opening my arms to embrace a new one--One that's not quite formed, but it's coming together. I have two close friends having babies. As much as I wish that were me, I'm sincerely happy for them. I'm where I am for a reason, and I have to trust that everything will work out.

Before, I was thinking our kids would be missing out on so much if we lived away from family. But now I've realized there's family everywhere, though we're not always bound by blood.

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According to Random.org, the winners of Part 1 of my 400th Follower giveaway:
Commenter #138: The VERY lucky Jess won the hand-stamped necklace from Token Designs.
Commenter #282: The also VERY lucky AnaLee wins the beautiful premade layout of their choice from The Design Girl.
Commenter #34: Elle's Mom won the beautiful LOVE sign from The Back Porch Shoppe.
Commenter #308: JusticeCW wins the wristlet of their choice from Sweet Irie (I just got mine today and I LOVE it!!)
And finally, Commenter #12: {Katie Lane} wins an adorable BBQ style Apron from Aprons and More!

Winners get me your addresses! LIVE giveaway winners... I know we've already determined, you can send me your addresses too, but I'm going to request those later this week.

There's still time to enter my 400th Follower Giveaway. Part 2 ends tonight at midnight!