First Valentine All Over

I got home exhausted from a very long hard week of work but decided to stay up late after everyone went to bed to make a Valentine's Day tutu dress for my daughter.

She woke up around 3am, not long after I went to bed and she had a hard time going back to sleep, probably from more teeth coming in, so I was up most of the night. This morning I ran around getting things together before our professional photo shoot.

Right before I ran out the door I grabbed a teddy bear I've had for exactly six years. It was the bear my husband gave me for Valentines day six years ago. "Our First Valentine" it says on the heart it holds. A perfect prop for my daughter's first Valentine with us.

We were married two months before Valentines day, and had met just eight months prior. Things are a lot different now.

Forever Bliss Photography

I snapped a few photos myself while we were there for my 365 project, but I'm so glad I had these done. It took her a while to get into it and show us her breathtaking smile, but Mr. Teddy helped us pull out some laughs from my little girl.

Forever Bliss Photography

We put her to bed early and ordered from our favorite restaurant to go (Olive Garden). And hubs got me my favorite treats for celebrating: chocolate covered strawberries and sparkling cider.

Our first Valentine with our daughter was much different than it was for us six years ago, but one thing's for sure--There's a lot more love going around.

What Not to Call My Biracial Child

I strolled around the grocery store with my daughter's car seat wedged in the shopping cart. Normally I'd carry her in my wrap but she was peacefully sleeping and I didn't want to wake her.

I got what I needed with little interruption. I'm used to the usual reactions to traveling with a baby. Longing looks, big smiles, and the extremely intrigued who will stop me and ask about my baby. All of those I'm used to dealing with, but the reaction I got as I walked to my car was a first, and hopefully a last.

An elderly woman, much shorter than me came closer. I had the car seat shade pulled down to cover her face from the sunlight, and preferably, people who say things like this woman was about to say to me.

"Can I see?" The woman pointed to my baby hidden below her cover.

Normally, I'm more than excited to show her off, but she was sleeping and I didn't want to wake her. I hesitantly pulled the shade back to let her see my sleeping beauty.

"Oh, she's a half-breed," she said so matter-of-factly.

What? I couldn't have heard her right. I must have misunderstood.

"What?" I asked with a half chuckle, trying to mask my extreme shock.

"A half-breed," she repeated. I had heard right. I couldn't believe it.

I didn't know what to say. So I didn't. And she didn't stop talking.

"Oh, it's ok I have a couple of my own."

Were we talking about people or animals? The conversation obviously was over my head because she couldn't have been talking about my baby. Could she?

I didn't say anything else. I couldn't because I was a little offended.

I worried about what kinds of things I'd run into having a biracial child but had no idea it would start so soon.

My husband commented to me the other day about how when we were together before our daughter came along we got some stares, but now it's multiplied by a thousand. I don't think they're stares of How could they, as much as they are Awww, look at that cute interracial family. At least that's what I tell myself.

It took awhile for the conversation to sink in.--Even if it was one sided. I tried to wrap my brain around it as I got my groceries and baby--Or is she a dog to some?--Into the car. The words burned deeper into my memory. I was fuming. Mostly angry with myself for not having a better comeback on hand.

I've run into similar nicknames like this in the past when people aren't sure what to "call me." Should I say 'Black' 'African American' 'Negro' 'Colored'? I didn't know my daughter would have the same problem.

I told my husband what had happened when I got home and he wasn't as upset as I had expected. As I had hoped.

It made me doubt my emotions. Am I overreacting? Should I just brush it off and go on with my way? Is it just my mama bear instincts to protect my child from ignorance?

No.

I knew things wouldn't be perfect, I thought we may run into issues from time to time, but I prayed the world had gotten better, I pray it'll get better, and I hope I can think on my toes next time to put them in their place.

Mother-Daughter Photos and Photography Session Giveaway

Holding my sweet baby girl makes all my worries go away. Gosh... I said I'd wouldn't be that mushy gushy mom but here I am... I love her so much!! *GUUUUSSSSH!!*

When we visited Utah, my college friend and creator of Grand Felicity Photography was able to capture some tender moments between my daughter and I on the day of her baby blessing.

These are some of my favorites!

Becca was so patient with us (Lil' J wasn't so happy) and was great at picking out locations! She let us do our thing but also guided us into natural poses. Needless to say I'm SO HAPPY with how these turned out! This was the shoot I got my new blog header from.

She's sweet enough to offer a free session for my blog readers. Here's what you'll get!

A Newborn/Family combined shoot
Up to 2 hours with Photographer
2-3 locations
Family of up to 6 people (each additional person is $25)
High Resolution CD of 25-30 fully edited images
$25 Print Credit
Online Proofing for six months on her website

It's a $200 value you'll get for free!

All you have to do to enter is leave a comment telling me what you'd use this for!

For an extra entry you can comment on your favorite post on her photography blog, subscribe to her blog, or you can blog or tweet about the giveaway! Just leave a comment for each entry!

It's open to people who live, or will be in Utah. Preferably in Utah or Salt Lake County.

You have until next Saturday at 11:59pm to enter! Good luck!

Maternity Photos!

I got my CD of maternity photos yesterday and I'm so happy with how they turned out. If you live in Texas and are looking for a Central Texas maternity and newborn photographer, be sure to check out Forever Bliss Photography. She's great and her fees are AMAZING! I'm talking less than $100 for the sitting AND the edited prints on CD which you can print out for yourself!

Originally I didn't want to do outside photos but I realized that it would be nice if my husband were in at least a few of the pictures. I ended up liking those way more than I thought!

I wrote on my Parenting.com blog today about my husband's moodiness towards posing for photos but he was a trooper for these... Even though he ran to sit in the car after his part.

Little does he know we'll be doing these shoots just about every season once Ladybug gets here, but I'm hoping by then he'll be less camera shy. We'll see.

I uploaded an album of most of my favorites on my Facebook Fan Page, so if you can,"Like" your favorite! I want to get some printed to put in the nursery, and in an album.

Here's a few of my favorites:

What do you think? I think with a daddy like that Spawnie's GOTTA be cute! :D

***Random.org Winners!***

$40 to The Design Girl Studio = #16, Jennie W.
$25 to Passion Spice Maternity = #12 Mrs. Lopez

Email me back at babymakingmachine(at)gmail.com and I'll get you in touch with your prize sponsors!

What Flavor is My Baby?

I've had a few dreams where my baby comes out completely white. She looks nothing like me... Blond hair, loose curls, big blue eyes. While I loved her in my dream I still felt a little disconnected because she didn't look anything like me. It felt like I was handed a friend's baby to permanently take care of.

One of the biggest mysteries after finding out the sex of your baby (I don’t know how people can wait an extra 20 weeks) is wondering what she’ll look like when she’s born. Many new parents -- especially moms-to-be -- bask in their daydreams of straight—No, curly hair. 3D and 4D ultrasounds can help answer some of the questions before they’re born. If you’re wondering what shape their ears are, or if she has your lips. I’m still thinking about getting one.

Spawnie has 23 of my chromosomes, and 23 of her daddy’s. It’s split! Fifty-fifty. But while most people would be betting on her eye or hair color I’m thinking about something totally different all together -- Her skin color.

My uncle married a light-skinned woman from Nicaragua, and he jokingly categorizes the way his kids came out. “The chocolate” and “the vanilla” ones, he’ll say, pointing to my two darker skinned cousins, beside their lighter-skinned siblings. It’s really quite fascinating.

My husband is white. He has blond hair and blue eyes. He tans well but he’s pretty much as white as they come. Ever since we started talking about having children we’ve been debating what color they’ll come out.

We are friends with another interracial couple who complexion wise looks a lot like us. We all spent a lot of time together in college and just before graduation they had their first baby. He’s one of the most beautiful babies I’ve ever seen, but it’s incredible to see what shade he came out!

I know people say kids darken as they get older but if you saw this toddler now you’d still be surprised. He has beautiful, fine goldilocks and big bright blue eyes. My friend says she may not have believed he was her own had she not birthed him herself.

They’re pregnant now with their second child and maybe it’s just me, but I’m really anxious to see what flavor the next one is!

My husband jokes with me, teases me, saying our daughter is going to come out completely white. I just worry that if that’s the case, between our tanning sessions, people will ask me silly questions. You know how people like to talk. My friend mentioned earlier said people have mistaken her as the nanny before and see -- I’m not sure I’d be able to handle that in a nice way. Or what if our daughter takes more of my complexion, and when my husband’s out he’s asked where he got our daughter from, implying she’s adopted. I’m not sure he’d be able to respond to that in a nice way (that's just one of my worries for my birracial child).

I suppose it comes as a part of the full package: Beautiful child -- ignorant comments.

I was debating getting a 3D ultrasound to see what our little girl looks like. Part of me wants to know if she has my cheeks, forehead, eye shape, or nose. My husband says we should wait and see what she looks like when she comes out. Maybe we should. Besides, technology hasn’t advanced enough to where 3D ultrasounds can tell me the flavor of our baby.

Oh, and check out these twins!

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This is part of today's post I originally wrote on my blog for Parenting.com. Yep, I have a blog there too on Project Pregnancy. Check it out for more pregnancy updates and rants.

Spawnie Wants to Call You!

When I found out I was pregnant, and again when I found out Spawnie is a girl it was hard for me to strategize who we were going to call in what order, for how long, together? Separate? I knew if I called my mom or my dad first, as soon as they hung up the phone with my they'd probably call the other to see if they knew yet. I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings so I tried to be quick and precise with everyone.

When I found out Spawnie was a girl I sent a mass text message to our parents and friends who I knew were waiting... Many of which were calling me during my appointment. But some didn't get the picture text I sent (or were in the middle of calling me and didn't see it) and some just needed a phone call (such as my great-grandpa).

I'm not sure who all in our family will be in town the day we have Spawnie, but I'm expecting most people to show up shortly after, which means a lot of phone calls will be going out. ... Especially those not following my play by play on a possible #twitterbirth (though I'm leaning more towards not doing one at the moment).

A company called Baby's First Phone Call contacted me and told me about their service. It's a message system that you program with numbers before birth. When your baby is born you record a message of any length and it sends it to everyone on your list! What a great way to save time and not forget anyone! I'm sure our moms won't want a recorded message but it's a great system for extended family and friends waiting for the new of our daughter's arrival!

"Our system places calls to each of the phone numbers in your account. If the person answers the phone they hear your happy message. If they don't answer, the message is left on their voicemail or answering machine. In either case, there is an option for them to leave you a return message that you can pick up at your convenience."

My husband seems to think a text message to everyone in your contacts list does the trick but to me this just seems like more fun! Besides, you can only say so much in a text, and you can still send a text message to casual friends if you want but some people just want to hear the sound of your voice and the baby crying in the background.

Now obviously I haven't gotten to try it yet (though I was tempted to use it before we found out the gender) but I will try it in June! But along with one to try, they're also giving me several gift certificates to give away!!

TWO of you will win $50 gift certificates to Baby's First Phone Call! With it you can get to:

"Notify an unlimited number of people in your network. Each call package comes with a convenient luggage tag intended to mark the bag you take to the hospital. The luggage tag includes the toll-free phone number to call and record your personal message when the baby arrives."

But be sure to let me know how it goes! A couple of months ago a friend of mine tested it out and it didn't work but they say there was a glitch but it's all working now! I can't wait to hear how it works for you, and I'll be sure to let you know how it goes for me come June! Oh, and if you'd like to be on my list let me know! You can email me your number to babymakingmachine{at}gmail.com and don't worry! I won't think you're weird! The more the merrier! :)

Here's how to enter:
Tell me your due date or why you'd like to win this prize!

Want extra entries? Comment again if you:

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Contest ends February 21st at 11:59pm There will be TWO winners chosen by random.org!

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Winner of the Lullabelly Prenatal Music Belt: Random.org says Commenter #190! Brie H! Congrats and email me your address so I can get it to you!

Telling Our Families

There's no question telling people has been one of the most exciting parts of this whole process right now. Especially family, because they're so happy for us... And close friends... And you of course! I wrote down the experience of telling our families the day after we broke the news so I'd remember.

5 Weeks 3 Days written October 26th and saved for today.

We told our parents last night. I'm SOOOO much more excited now, it feels real, and I'm feeling more confidant about it all! I do worry a little still about having to share bad news. Believe it or not I feel like it would be easier to share with you than with family just because I know so many strangers out there know what it feels like... And I wouldn't feel like I was letting you down. I worry about letting family down. It seems easier to express my feeling with people I don't know sometimes.

Anyway, I'm sending those negative thoughts away and bringing positive ones in!

It was so fun hearing the excitement in our parents' voices! In no particular order of reenactment:

I called my mom and was passed around to a few of my siblings before talking to her, then when she took the phone I said "Hi grandma!"

"Grandma?"She said. "Why are you calling me that?"
"Cause I'm 5 weeks pregnant!"
"5 weeks?! Why are you just now telling me?"

I'm glad we didn't wait until Christmas... I wouldn't have been able to do it... I'm not secretive, I'm not private, I want to talk about it and get excited!

My dad kept saying "Wow, that's all right, that's all right..." But picture that in a happy grandpa-sounding tone. And he told me how proud he is of me, and how happy he is to see how things have turned out for me. It made me feel so good!

It was so fun telling my husband's parents. We knew Sunday night the family would be spending the night together watching their current favorite television series. It's a tradition started a few years ago when 24 first came out. I'm not sure what they're watching now, and I knew we'd be interrupting but I also knew it would be worth it.

My husband thought of a clever way to tell his mom while she was on the phone and she yelled the news back to the rest of the family... I heard the applause.

A few key phrases stick out from that conversation:
"It's about time"

"She's in labor RIGHT NOW!"

"Your prize is going to be one spoiled grandchild"... Followed by a loud response from my SIL "NOOO!"

And one of my favorites: "She's probably updating her blog as we speak."

Yea, you'd think so, but look how long I kept this in! I told family first... And I'm proud of myself for that.

How did you tell your family?

My Kickoff!

I've been wanting to write about this for awhile... I even almost snuck in a post during, but I had to resist, leave you with this, and enjoy my time away. I had such a fun time... I already split some juicy details here (family, you can skip that post!).

Finally, after 9 months of having this blog, going back and forth, and LOTS of contemplation, deciding I was as ready as I was going to be, convincing my husband he was too, I was accomplishing one big goal and a series of others on my vacation.

It wasn't a long trip, I had just planned on one night because I had to be at work on Wednesday morning and wouldn't have been able to get back in time staying two nights. Jo Anne, the lovely lady who owns the place we stayed, was nice enough to make an exception for us for her two-night minimum rule.

We stayed at the Colorado River Retreat in the Casita Dl Colorado Cabin. and boy was it BEAUTIFUL! Seriously, if you're ever visiting Central Texas and are looking for a romantic getaway, or even a girlfriends getaway, you need to visit this place. It was secluded... Which was what I was going for, and the reason I opted against the beaches I was looking at. But it was also in a great location, not too far from Austin, but away from all of the noise!

Our cabin was right on river, and though there was a kayak and bikes we could have used we *ahem* spent most of our time inside.When we first got there we were greeted by this little fellow:An adorable little pooch who made himself at home when we walked in. We didn't mind though, and Snoop didn't seem to mind either, in fact, they became friends!

We walked around the area, down near the river, and sat on the benches by the water. I noticed a fire pit.. Which we also didn't use, and a trail. I thought about taking the bikes for a spin but then I remembered this little fact and opted against it (I know one ride isn't excessive but still... Better safe than sorry!).We set our stuff down then went back out to the local grocery store to get snacks.. All junk of course, but it was SO FUN. Just to pig out, relax, and spend time together.
We brought a few movies, and did watch a little TV... That's one thing I'd probably change the next time we go... Watch less TV! I hate when I just watch TV on my vacations. I have TIVO at home for heavens sakes!

Our big 5-year anniversary is coming up in December and I hope to go back there to celebrate. It doesn't really snow here, but it will still be a fun place for a getaway during the cooler months too, and I'll have more time off so we can stay a couple of nights.All around I think it was a great way to wrap up our practice plays and kick off the real game. Even if I'm not lucky enough to have gotten it right the first month, it was still a great way to celebrate this life-changing move. A little over five years ago we met, not long after we were engaged, and two months later we were married. After three years we adopted Snoop, and he's been my "little baby" ever since. Following nearly five years of marriage, and a year and a half of "puppy practice" I'm finally ready to take the next life-altering step, and I can't wait to see where we go from here! I guess I'll have an idea in two weeks.

The "Secret" Dilemma

I know this is dumb... REALLY dumb, but the more I think about officially TTC and possibly getting pregnant sometime in the maybe, could-be, possibly near future, I'm wondering the order of "sharing the news."

See, here's the thing. Of course I'll tell my husband first... In fact I've already decided a REALLY fun way I'm going to tell him (I'm so excited about it). I'd have to tell my BFFs Shannon and Gina right away too... Maybe even before I tell my husband.

Then I think we'll keep the good news a secret between us for awhile to let it soak in and stuff... In my perfect world I'm thinking maybe a few weeks at most, then here's the order I'd like to tell people:

1. Our immediate families: Parents, siblings, grandparents.

2. Twitter friends (actually I may even tell them before family... Like, as the pee is drying on the stick. Sorry).

3. My 3 closest work friends and swear them to secrecy.

4. On my blog here and on my Conceive blog.. And swear my other work friends who read it (I think one or two) to secrecy as well.

5. Other family... Uncles, Aunts, everyone who hasn't heard through the grapevine.

Then when I'm past the first trimester and less likely to miscarry I'll tell the others I wouldn't want to tell earlier:

6. Close church friends, other friends on my cell phone list, people I'm close enough with to share the news... I'd probably put it on my personal blog too by then (no one reads it anymore though).

7. I may hint to it on facebook... I actually have a fun way I've planned to do this as well. But most likely people will probably just find out as I'm posting belly pictures. Or maybe I'll shout "I'M PREGNANT" after 4 months or so. I just don't want to be inconsiderate to people who maybe have been trying awhile.

After it's obvious:

8. Other work friends. I don't think I'll tell everyone at work until people start asking.. Which actually, in a news place, word can spread VERY fast. So I'm going to try to keep it a secret as long as possible (I'm thinking until I'm about 4 months or so) I'd like to be showing before I start telling people there. Not sure why... It's weird to imagine myself all pregnant on TV. And if your a working woman you may understand the sort of fear of maternity leave thing.

If it were up to my husband we'd find out... Wait at least three months before telling anyone, and then only tell family. We wouldn't tell people on facebook and I wouldn't write about it on my blog... Ok he'd let me write about it but he says not for three months. UGH!

Can I just tell you that's NOT happening? I think he's a suffer in silence kind of guy but if I suffered the tragedy of a miscarriage I wouldn't want to do it alone. If I write about an early pregnancy here and then (God forbid) lose my baby, I think I'd rather have the support of other women who have been through the same thing rather than never tell anyone. BUT... That's why I'd wait awhile to tell people on Facebook and what not... Not everyone catches every update.

The only down side is I can't blog about it before we tell family... I'm sure my husband's family would kill us... While they don't read my blog daily, his family is big enough to where SOMEONE somewhere is reading, and it would quickly travel back through the grapevine.

That's a little hard for me because I feel like I've been blogging about this whole decision to (or not to) have a baby... Then getting ready for TTC, then you obviously know when I start TTC, then I'm sure I'll be blogging about my first two week wait... Then what? Nothing? If Aunt Flow ignores my letters and comes back then I'll blog about that but if she eventually listens.. I dunno, it may get a little quiet around here or something. I'm not good at keeping secrets so that'll be difficult.

My family, I know doesn't read my blog, but I'm sure that would be a sucky way for any family to find out (which, a similar situation has happened before but we won't go into that).

So what do I do? Hold it in until we tell family even if it's MONTHS?! Hopefully I can convince him otherwise, but this is definitely one of those things we'll have to agree on. What would I blog about all of that time? If I dropped hints would you catch them?

What order did you tell people?

The Transition

When did this happen? It use to be when someone announced their pregnancy I was just glad it wasn’t me. Ok, it wasn’t that bad. Actually, it was more like rolling my eyes and thinking to myself: ‘Another one bites the dust.’ But that sentiment has since taken a one-eighty…

But on the other side of my spectrum it’s not all roses and butterflies either. It’s sadly also a bitter emotion… Jealousy.

When did this happen? I think I missed it… The transition from wanting a successful career more than anything else. From wanting a child (but not in the near future) to wanting a child NOW YESTERDAY. When did this happen?—HOW? What happened to me?!

I’ve had baby fever before. Yes, the bug has bit me, and then I built up an immunity towards it. But now I feel silly when I feel the aching in my stomach as I look at pictures of a newborn baby in her mother’s arms. What happened?!

How did I go from planning my future and goals of things to do with my husband to not wanting to do anything else but make a baby?.. To feeling a pit of depression every time another friend announces their pregnancy.

Who am I to feel that way? It’s not like I’ve been trying to have a child for months or years… Or ever. It’s not like I’m struggling with infertility, and wanting a child longer than all of my friends having children. Granted I have a right to feel this way too, but I seriously feel insane.

I wasn’t going to go for it… Try to bring a child into this world, until I knew I was sure. I couldn’t just try to “see what happens” because that would probably mean baby (yes, for people who don’t want it that’s what happens). To me, you either want it, and are trying, or you don’t try. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t expecting to feel a “maybe sortof” emotion for some time in between.

What happened to the middle ground? Wasn’t there suppose to be some transition here?… You know, don’t want a kid, sorta want a kid, wanting a kid more… more … ok for sure want a kid?

It’s like my maternal desire had been dormant for decades and all of a sudden it has awoken from the tomb inside me and has erupted like a massive volcano.

I’m trying to scrape the lava back inside me with a squeegee but it’s not working. I can’t contain it. I can’t deny it. I want a child, and I want it more than ever.

Can't wait to get this part started!

The First Wordless Wednesday

{These aren't words, just your imagination. It's my first ever Wordless Wednesday, so I hope a video counts. This is me and my littlist sister playing around when I visted them for a day after Blogher 09. I have a little slideshow at the end, hope you like it, if you have a few moments watch it and let me know what you think! Oh, and can't do a cute video without a cute Disney song. ENJOY! And comment with your link if you posted a Wordless Wednesday}

The Wheel: Balancing Marriage Before and After Baby

Sadly, children is one of the top five reasons couples get divorced. Not having children I'm not exactly sure why that is, but that statistic sorta frightens me.

When I was on my trip with The Blogrollers in Chicago I met a lot of women who had been married longer than I had. One thing I took the time to ask them was how they made their marriage work.

Most women were at a loss for words when it came to describing the technique. From what I hear, once you have kids it can make time together more difficult and stressful. Most of the women I talked to said it was a struggle getting their husbands to help out around the house.

Luckily for me, that's not a problem with us... Yet. To be honest, I'm the one getting begged and pleaded with to help. It's actually been that way the entire time we've been married. I've done the laundry maybe a handful of times, and the dishes... I think three times. So seeing we're an odd couple when it comes to that it has me wondering what our battles will be when a baby comes into the picture.

I think it'll be waking up at night... As we both love to sleep. When we first got Snoop I was the one who got up in the middle of the night to let him go to the bathroom. Now though, my husband is the one that remembers to walk (and feed) him every day.

Thinking about all of this and after reading my friend's Newly Identified blog post about marriage, it made me think about what makes OUR marriage work now.

One of the biggest, most obvious things is communication. We try not to go to bed angry, but sometimes that's not always possible. But when we wake up the next day usually we've cooled off enough to talk about whatever the problem is. Sometimes communication means tears (on my part) but at least it's getting it all out there. Neither of us are too proud to say "I'm sorry," and I can't think of any problem or disagreement we haven't been able to handle.

Sure, there are things that bug the HECK out of me, but I've learned to adjust to them, and not let it get to me. I think that's important--Accepting who they are, and remembering why you fell in love and got married. Sometimes that thing you loved about them changes, but that's ok. I think you've gotta be willing to grow and change together.

But most of all... The advice I think works best in any relationship, is advice I shared in a small hotel room in Chicago with five other wonderful women. The opportunity to share it came up when one of the women said sometimes it's hard to continue to get closer together as you grow older, because you change and sometimes grow apart. In answer to that I shared the advice I was given before we got married and I've promised to never forget.

My future-husband at the time, and I were described as spokes on a wheel. Sometimes we'd be far apart on this wheel and sometimes we'd be close together. But what will be sure to pull us closer together more than anything else is what's in the center of that post... The center being Christ.

He told us if we both work toward getting closer to Christ we'd also be getting closer to each other at the same time.

I'm not sure exactly how having a child will change our marriage. There are the obvious things like sleep and time, but I wonder what kind of toll it will take on us. I love spending time with my husband now, and sometimes that already can be short. How will I continue to make alone time for us?

Last night after a long day we went babysitting. We were both already tired and a little cranky, but our little friend was wide awake and ready to play. Not long after we got there, we were both getting tired. We took turns playing with him while the other rested our eyes.

During my his, my husband was playing with J, but he was being SO loud! I mean, WAY louder than the laughing baby. I shhhed him, and he told me that is what it was going to be like after we have a baby.

His words made me think... Seeing he'll be a fun and entertaining dad is encouraging, but obnoxiously loud? Hmmm. I hope our love for the Lord can keep us from driving each other crazy after kids!

I've heard children can bring you closer together but I've also heard they can drive you further apart. What do you do to keep your marriage going strong? Those with children--How do you make it so your children bring you closer together? What are the major changes in your relationship after having kids? I'd LOVE your input!

The Blogrollers Goodbye: New Sisters

It wasn’t until I had gotten out of the car, grabbed my things, and turned to say goodbye that I realized what had formed. Not just a friendship that will be lost in time… A friendship—I think, will last for a lifetime.

In a short week I met, got to know, and fell in love with three wonderful women, all from different backgrounds, all with amazing talents. I learned valuable lessons from each of them, and took advice I’ll never forget.

As I walked toward my blood family, I felt as though I was leaving another part of my family behind. I confided in them about things I’ve never told another friend. After a matter of hours we felt comfortable enough to tease, and joke with one another. After a matter of days we shared delicate stories and formed a bond I hope won’t be broken.

I learned a lot at Blogher ’09: Ways to turn my blog into a published book, and ways to better write the way I’m feeling. I learned about marketing and advertising, and spreading the word about your brand. But most of all I learned more about the importance of life and relationships.

My eyes watered as I saw the way each of these women shared the pictures of their families. I nearly cried as I heard them telling their children when they were coming home, or as I saw the thoughtfulness they possessed for them. I smiled as I listened to them brag about their talents and witty ways. I felt a sting of envy when I heard their children pour the words “I love you” through the phone into their mother’s ears… And I loved witnessing every moment of it.

They called me “Youngin’” and sometimes picked on my inexperience and innocence, and joked that they were old enough to be my mother. But they treated me like a peer and we learned from each other.

I scanned their brains, and listened to their life experiences so I could learn from them, and think of how I’ll handle the situation if I’m ever faced with similar tests.

As I turned to hug my overjoyed little sister, running to jump in my arms… I realized I had just hugged my new big sisters goodbye.

Spending nearly every waking moment with three other women for a week sounds like a challenge, but I loved it, and I couldn’t have chosen any other women I’d rather share that moment of my life with.—And hopefully, more precious moments in the future.

The Distance Dilemma--Solved

Don't look back... Only forward. Those are the words that are playing on "repeat" in my mind as I think about my life and the way it's going, though sometimes I'm not sure which way is which.

I loved visiting with all of his family and we miss them so much. But it was also SO much fun to be a visitor. You know... Special treatment and all. Snoop was greeted with a nice big bone on our bed, and we both got treats too. I can imagine how fun it will be when trips to grandma's house are special for our children.

I thought I'd leave Utah yearning for more and dying to move back, but that's not the case. Coming back to Austin was coming Home for us, and it feels great.

Being in a new place--Though I've been there a year, is a good excuse to become a new person, reinvent and redefine oneself. I'm not sure what the new definition of "me" is... Blogger? Potential mother? But I know I have to keep moving forward.

As I leave one family behind I'm opening my arms to embrace a new one--One that's not quite formed, but it's coming together. I have two close friends having babies. As much as I wish that were me, I'm sincerely happy for them. I'm where I am for a reason, and I have to trust that everything will work out.

Before, I was thinking our kids would be missing out on so much if we lived away from family. But now I've realized there's family everywhere, though we're not always bound by blood.

****

According to Random.org, the winners of Part 1 of my 400th Follower giveaway:
Commenter #138: The VERY lucky Jess won the hand-stamped necklace from Token Designs.
Commenter #282: The also VERY lucky AnaLee wins the beautiful premade layout of their choice from The Design Girl.
Commenter #34: Elle's Mom won the beautiful LOVE sign from The Back Porch Shoppe.
Commenter #308: JusticeCW wins the wristlet of their choice from Sweet Irie (I just got mine today and I LOVE it!!)
And finally, Commenter #12: {Katie Lane} wins an adorable BBQ style Apron from Aprons and More!

Winners get me your addresses! LIVE giveaway winners... I know we've already determined, you can send me your addresses too, but I'm going to request those later this week.

There's still time to enter my 400th Follower Giveaway. Part 2 ends tonight at midnight!

The 400th Follower Giveaway Part 1

CLOSED- Winners will be announced 7/14

As I mentioned before, I'm out of town this week... A little family vacation--Yes, even with Snoop to visit Utah, attend a family reunion, and take care of some business with our condo.

I figured I wouldn't have much time to blog so I've set up some great fun for you! A HUGE giveaway to thank my first (an who knows, maybe last) 400 followers! I can't believe how much this blog--And myself have grown in the past seven months. I went from not knowing for sure if or when I wanted kids, to having a gameplan set... To who knows what (maybe pregnancy) in the near future!

Thank you SO much for traveling along this journey with me.

Just and FYI, I am not reviewing or getting any of these products I'm giving away for myself--So these features are purely for fun and so you can know what you're getting!

Day one of the giveaway is stuff for my hard working women... All women! Not just mommies! I had no idea so many Future Mama's read my blog until I saw my poll so I realized a lot of the things I give away couldn't just be for new moms. Here are the first five items:

Behind door number one...

1. A custom stamped necklace from Sandi of Tiny Token Designs

It's a hand Stamped Sterling Circle of Names Tag NecklaceSterling silver 5/8" disc hangs from a sterling silver chain (your choice of a ball chain or snake chain and you select the length 16", 18" or 20"). Names (or words) are stamped around the outside edge of the disc unless requested differently. Charms are hand stamped using individual letter stamping tools, therefore no two are exactly alike. Letters and numbers may not be perfectly straight or aligned properly, and spacing may vary. This adds to the charm of your custom piece and should not be seen as a defect, but as a one of a kind item. Check out her site and tell me what you like for your first entry.

And next... A brand NEW CAR! (not)... But similar in the blogsphere...

2. A custom premade layout from Danielle of The Design Girl. If you like my blog design you'll like her new layouts. She just started making pre-made layouts so there's a lot to choose from. You may be thinking "oh premade... what's so special about that?" But they are SO cute and original, plus she'll add your cute blog name and tag line in an adorable unique font. Ever week this month she's giving away a free pre-made layout on her site, but she's been nice enough to donate one to one of my own special readers! So check out her site, tell me which design you like and I'll HOOK YOU UP!--One of you that is, if you're the lucky number. If not... They're normally $35, but $25 right now (through the 8th for you all!)

My next prize just goes to show what I think of all of you...

3. A beautiful "Sweet Petite" pale pink LOVE wall decore sign from Darline of The Back Porch Shoppe is donating this beautiful decoration made with sand lettering and ribbon, and embellished with aged white dots. Measures 7 1/4" wide x 5" high. Perfect sign for any occasion...wedding, anniversary, birthday, valentine's day, or my favorite...a "just because". Each sign is individually handcrafted.--So check out her shop and tell me what else you like for your first entry!

And the next prize comes in handy for anyone who--Like myself can be forgetful, or have a hard time finding my keys your purse.

4. A cute Wristlet from Michele of SweetIrie. This super cute key chain is handmade with 100% heavy-duty cotton webbing and is accented with designer fabric. The band is big enough to slip on and off your wrist at a generous 9" in diameter or 22.9 cm long. It contains a split ring keychain, which is big enough to hold a large number of keys. It's great if you have your hands full with groceries, shopping bags, or babies. I know I'm always trying to figure out where the heck my keys are in the way to the car when I'm leaving work, so this would be great when I'm leaving late at night and want them at hand! Check out her site and let me know your favorite color for your first entry. She'll send the winner the one they choose! But even if you don't win guess what? She's giving my readers a 10% discount off anything from her shop! Just use the code: SAVE10

And finally... to conclude this first segment of my 400th follower giveaway...Something I just love to wear around the house!

5. An adorable BBQ Apron of your choice from Katy of Aprons and More. 100% cotton with one size fits most! This Polka Dot Flowers design is my favorite but there's LOTS more to choose from. I couldn't decide on my favorite because seriously, there are SO many! And trust me, she has a lot more than just this BBQ style, and they are all cute! I don't cook much myself, but wearing something cute like this gives me some incentive! Head on over to her shop, in the BBQ sextion and let me know your favorite! The winner gets the one they choose!

So there you have it! Just leave a comment for your first entry! That's it!! No requirements, just leave one comment and you're in! BUT if you want something specific for one of these prizes let me know which color/style you like. Go ahead... Leave a seperate comment for each choice, that'll up your odds! Here's other ways to up your odds:

You get extra entries by letting me know:

-You subscribe to my blog
-Become a Facebook Fan for my blog
-You favor my blog on Technorati
-Vote for me on Top Baby Blogs (just click the link)

-You Tweet/ Facebook about this contest (every day you tweet is an extra entry!) Please say: "Check out this 400th follower giveaway by @babymakinmachin 25+ prizes! http://tinyurl.com/nzmfpn (Please RT)!"

-You follow my blog (worth 2 entries so leave 2 comments)

-You share your favorite "mommy moment" post you wrote this month (2 entries)
-You post about this contest (2 entries)

-Leave a comment on one of my posts for Conceive Magazine (2 entries)
-Leave a comment on one of my posts for MyBrownBaby (2 entries)

-You have my blog button (3 entries, so leave 3 comments)

-Vote for my blog in the 2009 Bloggers Choice Awards (worth 5 entries! So leave 5 comments)

-Vote for my blog in the 2009 Black Weblog Awards (worth 5 entries!)

Again, Please leave a comment for each extra entry! That way you up your odds!

Whew! Ok, is that fun or what? And can you believe it's just day 1? Tomorrow I'll have products tailored more towards moms, moms-to-be, or great gifts for moms-to-be! OR... Just a nice somethin' somethin' for a future mama, to save in her stash for her own little one! This is ONLY the beginning!

**I'm using Random.org to choose the winners. This contest closes Monday July 13th**

The Distance Dilemma

With a family vacation including a family reunion on the cusp of my plans, it has me thinking a lot about how close is too close and how far is too far.

Growing up I didn't live close to cousins. Not that it made much of a difference, my eldest cousin is 10 years younger than me.

My grandmother and grandfather did live close for awhile. My grandmother lived just a city away from us in Georgia, I remember visiting her place, and her being there for my first day of Kindergarten, sometimes she'd pick me up from school. I imagine that must have been nice for my mom. But she and my grandfather moved West when I was still in elementary school.

My husband had the opposite experience. Most of his live he lived in the same county as most of his cousins. They all grew up together and had family get-togethers often.

When I first met his extended family--Exactly five years ago, it was quite overwhelming. It seemed like millions of screaming kids were running swarming all over the place. He didn't even know all of their names. I thought I'd never memorize his eight aunt and uncle's names... But after about a year I had their names, and their spouses names down.

I was never really turned on to the idea of living that close to so much family. Siblings and parents--Sure. But being an earshot away from a millions cousins? I wasn't so sure. After living near that for a few years, and now being away from that while thinking of having kids I'm getting a little sad thinking that our kids won't be near any of their grandparents.

Will my kids not get the same spoiling our siblings will because we live further away? Who will we trust to babysit our child? Will being too close be smothering? Will the benefits actually outweigh the downsides to the location?

I wouldn't want to put the burden of watching our kids on anyone who doesn't want to... But I imagine family wouldn't mind as much as others. Especially not grandparents.

I do believe there is such a thing as "too close." But that hasn't ever been a problem I worry too much about. Living a few hours away is nice because you're close enough for weekend trips, but gar enough away to avoid the "drop in."

I often find myself wondering if it's worth it to move closer to family to get those benefits, or if we'll make our own close friends--Like family, wherever we are, and have the same bond. Besides... I wasn't close to my family most of my life, and I made it just fine.

What do you think? Do you live close to family? Why or why not?

***

PS: Amidst my family reunion plans, I'll be taking a tiny break from my personal blog updates. I'll still be around, and perhaps have time for an update or two, but I'm planning something a little different and fun for all of you.

The week of a 6th I'll have a giveaway a day. I'm still working out the details but right now I have more than 20 sponsors. I'm hoping to get about 25, so if you know of someone who has a small business or makes things they'd like to have promoted here, have them holla at me at babymakingmachine{at}gmail.com.

The Best of Both Worlds--My Quest to Find it

I'm not sure what's gotten into me. I've gone from the young, ambitious woman, ready to climb to the top of the journalism world--Maybe have a couple of kids at some point. To definitely having kids, still being a reporter powerhouse. To wanting my first kid sooner than I thought--I'll squeeze it into my career plans. To having a kid and adorable family is my first priority and hoping my fantastic career will fall into place.

I thought I was always ambitious and career minded, but looking at journal entries from years past makes me remember otherwise. I've always had big goals for my career, and had a very supportive husband, but been very open to him providing if that's what we wanted.

I never use to envy women who stayed at home with their children all day. I always wanted to have a career where I could still develop my skills and be a successful woman while still being a mom. And it wasn't until very recently I became jealous of those women who could be at home.

Last week I was browsing through some friend's blogs, catching up on their lives and looking through pictures. I stopped at one blog of a girlfriend I use to work with in college. She's pregnant with #2 and is a stay at home mother. It wasn't what she wrote on her blog that struck the sensitive nerve inside me, but a picture she had with about 20 other women, all stay at home wives/mothers, and their husbands were all in graduate school.

"That must be nice" was the first thought that came to mind. I found myself wishing I had a big group of girlfriends with playmates for my young children. That I could get together during the day and talk and bake and play while my husband worked outside the home--Or not even worked, just went to school. My main responsibility--though a huge one--Raising our children.

I envied the fact that they may not plan to--Or have to, work a day in their child's young life, and they can afford to do that. --Knowing that probably won't be the case for me.

My emotions boiled over, the tears came, and I couldn't help but express my frustration to my husband--The jealousy I felt for all of the women I knew who were brave enough to live off their husband's income (or even lack thereof), and not have to work. That simple picture brought a million questions to the front of my mind. Why was I so ambitious? Why do I want to work? Why did I move us across the country for a career I may be doubting myself in a few years from now?

He reassured me things aren't always what they seem. That that makes me unique, and that there may be women out there who wished they were in my shoes.

To be honest it's hard to believe someone who has the "best/hardest" job in the world would want to switch places with someone who has a "difficult/not necessarily the best" job.

But I'm trying to keep my chin up. If there's anything I know about our relationship it's that everything has happened for a reason, and I'm sure things will continue to unfold that way. I just pray that one day--I can have the best of both worlds.

The Twilight Theory

I fell in love with Twilight after my sister-in-law introduced me to the book not long after New Moon was released. Two years, two midnight release book parties, and one movie watched multiple times later I'm still in love with the series, and pretty much one of the addicts.

Pondering over my life, and how I've been approaching becoming a parent made me think about some similarities. Let me put a little disclaimer in here: If you haven't read the entire series... As in not completed Breaking Dawn, you may not want to read any further as my analysis contains some spoilers. Skip to the bottom and enter the giveaway! Bookmark and come back to read the rest when you're done reading!

So, if you're a Twilight fanatic like myself and read Breaking Dawn you may also remember how interesting it was that Bella didn't go after and eat those humans, or her dad. The Cullens guessed that perhaps it's because she had known it would be hard going into it, so she was more prepared for the challenges.

Thinking about this made me wonder if my situation questioning and learning about conception, pregnancy, labor and motherhood will be similar. I am sure I know more about conception than the average Jane. I have friends who are TTC and don't anything about cervical mucus, basal body temperature, or ovulation. It's not that I want to... It's just that I like learning about it.

I've learned conception may not happen as quickly or as easy as I'd like it to, and I think because of what I've learned I'm somewhat prepared for the worst.--Down to knowing what kind of coverage my insurance offers for fertility treatments.

I know pregnancy and labor isn't easy for everyone--But I also know how hard it is for some to achieve I'll be grateful for every minute.

I know not to expect your delivery to go exactly as you plan, because chances are, your plans will change. I've learned epidurals aren't always what they're chalked up to be. --And natural labor may not be that bad.

I've learned parenting isn't always pretty. But I've learned even with the lack of sleep, lack of free time, loosing your privacy (and sometimes dignity) ...it's all worth it to have a child who loves and adores you.

So... Knowing all this, I wonder if it will give me a leg up--An advantage. Sure, I don't know everything, and there will always be surprises, no matter how much research and preparation I do. But I wonder if even knowing that will make challenges easier for me. Maybe I'll be like Bella.

What do you think?

Ok, so for those of you who are twilight fans like myself, I have a treat for you!

Giggles and Gins Bowtique is giving one of my readers a Twilight-inspired scrabble tile necklace of their choice! So go over there, and pick out your favorite then let me know in the comments which one you like. I have pictured a couple of my favorites but there are SO many to choose from!

Here's a description:
All pendants have been hand made by designer. Pendants have a graphic attached that has been sealed with a water resistant resin which gives it a glass like appearance. I use a 2 part epoxy resin that gives these tiles a nice clear, glossy, glass hard finish. Each pendant has a silver plated bail and will come with an 18 inch ball chain necklace which can be made smaller if needed.
Pendants are water resistant but are not recommended for swimming or bathing.
Some pendants have been embellished with a Swarovski crystal

You get an extra entry by letting me know:
-You follow my blog
-You have my blog button (two entries)
-You subscribe to my blog
-You favor my blog on Technorati
-You Tweet/ Facebook about this contest
-You post about this contest (now two entries)
-Vote for my blog in the 2009 Bloggers Choice Awards (worth 3 entries!)

Please leave a comment for each extra entry!

Contest ends Tuesday July 7th at midnight! Random.org will choose the winning number. Good luck!

The Parent Days

I guess I should have written something all nice for Father's Day and Mother's Day... Perhaps a tribute to my parents or Hubby's parents. I love them--They know I do. Instead I had fun reading everyone else's tributes to their husbands and wives.

I wasn't planning on writing anything tonight, but then I was thinking--What if this is our LAST Father's Day as non-parents?! Some things couldn't go unsaid.

I felt a twinge of jealousy at times--When we were out around proud parents, enjoying their special day. But I pulled through it--Smiling knowing my time's not far behind (I hope).

I did feel a little guilty accepting the flower at church, given to all of the women for Mother's Day... But not so bad about eating my husband's cookies he got for Father's Day. Cause those were yummy!

Hubs tells me every year on this day he use to watch the US Open with his dad. This year he watched it with Snoop.

I almost got him a card, from me and Snoop but I couldn't find the right one and opted against it.

Looking at all of the parents at my church made me think about how the meaning for the day must be so different for them. Sometimes I envy them, but right now I'm happy to be enjoying where I'm at.

We haven't been trying to become parents our entire marriage, and now that we're thinking about it--Planning to try to take the next step, my perception is changing once again.

...Maybe next year we'll be "real" parents (see big (to me) announcement post below). But for now... We'll take Snoop. He IS our child for-now after all.

Baby 2010... That's the goal.

But for now, I'm very grateful to have my dads... The one who raised me and another who's taken me as his own child through marrying his son. And grateful for the one Father we all have in common.--My dear Father in Heaven.

The Staring Babies

It's like they're plotting against me. They're cute, oh yea, adorably cute... But their always staring at me!

I check my reflection.. Maybe there's something on my face--Wait, they wouldn't know the difference!

I've noticed this since I was a teenager. I'll pass a baby by at church or at a store, and they're always watching... Their eyes are saying "Hey lady, pay attention... I've got somethin' to tell ya!" But they never tell me what it is.

At church sometimes it's like they're yelling to get my attention.

I told my husband when we got married that all babies like me. That's how it seems... No joke. Maybe that's why I was so good at handling a class of infants at 17. Or a quite obedient class of six one-year-olds. Or worse... 20 two-year-olds with only the help of a lone assistant. I've changed more diapers in my short life than plenty of new moms (20 diapers every 2 hours adds up). But most of the time I've felt a natural connection to these wide-eyed wonders.

And it's not just the tiny ones, it feels the same way with young kids. I'm not sure what it is, but I just love the cute admirable look they sometimes give me. It'll often give me chills and it always makes me smile.

I can only imagine how those sweet looks will make me feel when it's my own little "mini us" smiling back at me.