Mi familia-Watch out Duggars, I want a BIG one

I am the oldest of five children. I have three beautiful sisters. Heather, who just turned 21, Lauren, who is 13 and Kimberly who is 5. My handsom little brother is Michael, and he's 16.

We didn't all grow up together. In fact, my mom was pregnant with my youngest sister at my wedding (go ahead, bring on the Mormon jokes) so we didn't ever all live under the same roof at the same time.

For most of my childhood it was my younger sister Heather and I. We had some good times but it got oh so much more interesting when Lauren was born, and when my brother joined the family through adoption.

During my maternity leave we were all together for the first time in years. We snapped these pictures and I get a big smile every time I look at them. Having us all together made me realize something...

I want a big family.

I know family size is one of those topics people have on--Oh, say the third date (in Mormon time) and I know we did way back when but that feels like it was more than half a century ago (really it was just nearly 7 years ago)! Things can change can't they? Are opinions on family size changes allowed?

I didn't used to want a big family. I wanted two or three kids. But now I want 10.

Or 6.

But really I'd be happy with 3.

My husband is set on two, which is devastating because I don't think two is enough. What if our next child is another girl? I want to know what it's like to have a son! And what if it's a boy? I want at least one of our kids to have a sibling of the same gender to play with.

I've started to tell my husband I want five kids, hoping we can compromise at three or four. We'll see how that goes.

Expense I think is probably biggest thing that would be standing in our way. But kids don't HAVE to be expensive right?

I always said I'd take it one kid at a time, and right now, I'm already wanting another. I thought 18 months apart would be a good age gap but that would mean I'd need to get knocked up in a couple months and I can tell you for a fact that's NOT happenin.

I'd love for my kids to be close in age so they can grow up together, play together, and see each other at school. I know it's crazy, and we're not ready, but it's in the back of my mind.

Maybe next time I'll randomly get pregnant with quadruplets and we'll be set.

Seeing Through a Child's Eyes

When people find out I’m a TV new anchor and reporter one of the first things I’m asked is “do people recognize you?”

Honestly, it’s not like people think. I use to be the host of BYU Weekly in Utah and for a while I’d get recognized for that role more than any other media position I’ve held.

Lately it’s a little different. I’m not sure if my pregnancy magnifies things or what but I’ve been getting stopped nearly every day with someone who says something like “I didn’t know you were pregnant, you can’t tell on TV!” or “Congratulations on your baby” it’s really quite interesting.

The funny fact is, I don’t really LIKE to be recognized. I never know what to say. I hate wearing makeup and you’ll hardly ever catch me wearing it outside of work… Nor will I have my hair done or be in dressy clothes. The fact that people can still spot me is sometimes a little frightening. I sometimes find myself looking for my reflection to see how horrible I look and feel bad for scaring them.

My reluctance for recognition toned down one day afternoon in the small town of Coupland Texas.

The entire school district fit in two small buildings side by side. I heard about a guitar class for half a dozen sixth graders—About a third of the entire grade of students. For many of them, practicing guitar was a motivation to go to school every day—Something to look forward to during a difficult time for school.When I arrived to film and interview them I could hear their whispers of recognition. Then one by one each came up to ask me the same question over and over… If I was the “news lady.” It didn’t matter if they heard the same answer I gave to the kid who asked seconds before; they wanted to hear for themselves.

For once I didn’t mind the attention. I felt like talking to these kids made their day. After I was done filming and getting the interviews the entire class… And the class of students in the same room after—In fact, the entire sixth grade class came up and one by one asked for my autograph.
It was one of the strangest, funniest and cutest, things I had experienced. I tried to think of something nice to say next to my worthless autograph. “Stay in school,” was mostly all I could come up with. So much for being a writer! I’ll have to work on that in case I’m ever asked for an autograph again.

A few of them also gave me some of their own tokens to appreciate. I’m sure I’m someone they’ll quickly forget about, if they haven’t already, but those cute kiddos are faces I’ll remember forever.

It’s amazing how little things can make all the difference in a child’s life. I miss that sometimes, but I look forward to experiencing it again through my daughter’s eyes. If you want to see the story I did click here.

The Levels of Anonymity: Where Do You Draw the Line?

One of you brought up a great question in my last post... Stephanie asked what kind of steps we plan to take with our kids and what I'll post about and what I won't.

I personally am not a huge fan of anonymity. I mean, I don't mind to some extent but my favorite blogs are by women who "share all" and post pictures of their adorable kids and families. What can I say?... I like cute kids! And I like honesty.

I mentioned in my last post I'm already "out there" in the public eye... So I can't really go around saying "I don't want people to know my name... boo hoo!" Heck, I think the whole world knows my dog's name. But I don't think that will create any more stalkers than usual. I try to keep the two VERY separate... If anything, for my sanity. And one day, I'm sure I'll be out of public eye completely. I have also made it a point to not use my husband's name (Suga Lips) on this blog, or use my last name (IsAwesome). And I don't talk about where I live (in the Hood).

I can't say I won't use my kids names in the future because I KNOW baby names will be a topic I'll cover (again). I actually already have the names picked out and I can't picture not telling you their first name because they are SO CUTE! I think I'll probably use a nickname most of the time, but really... Who cares if you know my kid's name?--That's just me. BUT I DID promise my husband we won't tell anyone the boys name... It's our secret. So I'll try to keep that one.

I guess I could pull a Michael Jackson and call my kids "Blanket" and cover them up with bags and sheets so you can't see their faces... But I'm thinking I'll take my chances. Plus, I want the world to see their cuteness!.. As long as you don't steal the pictures and say they're yours I'm cool (I need to work on getting a thingy to put over my photos).

Once I get my DSLR you won't be able to KEEP me from taking pictures of anyone and everyone either, and if my babies are cute (which I'm praying they are) they probably will be plastered all over my blog.. So... Yea.

As far as personal privacy goes that's a whole 'nother topic! My husband and I draw separate lines for that. To me, this kind of blog is a girl thing, NO BOYS ALLOWED. If I were to write about postpartum depression or something, he may just not get it... And that's the sort of thing I think other women can relate to. A miscarriage.--My husband would probably rather keep something like that between us, but that's something I wouldn't be able to keep inside... I am an extrovert... I need to let stuff out, and talk about it with people who get it. I think that's a problem women may have had for a long time... They've maybe fells sad and depressed about things and not had a way to express that. A diary is great but it's so nice to know we're not ALONE. Through this blog I've found out I'm not the only crazy person out there who thinks about babies 24/7 who's not even trying for one yet... YAY!

We're going to continue to work on this battle, but I'm not too worried. Just so long as I don't post our secret little boy's name I think he'll forgive me and let me talk about my ovulation cycle, how I REALLY want a baby, and fertility routines all I want.

What about you? What levels of anonymity do you keep on your blog, or do you think you will keep with your kids? I know everyone is different, I'm just curious to know your take!

***Added***: I'm now a resident of "Central, TX"... (thanks for the tip). But I'm also wondering... By someone knowing your kid's first name... how will that make them easier to kidnap? -- Now yall have me all paranoid about someone kidnapping my unborn child! ***Added***

PS: And I'm afraid all of my drama overshadowed a post I was REALLY excited about. If you didn't see it, read my Sunday Praises post! :) I crossed a big one off my Baby Bucket List.

The Wheel: Balancing Marriage Before and After Baby

Sadly, children is one of the top five reasons couples get divorced. Not having children I'm not exactly sure why that is, but that statistic sorta frightens me.

When I was on my trip with The Blogrollers in Chicago I met a lot of women who had been married longer than I had. One thing I took the time to ask them was how they made their marriage work.

Most women were at a loss for words when it came to describing the technique. From what I hear, once you have kids it can make time together more difficult and stressful. Most of the women I talked to said it was a struggle getting their husbands to help out around the house.

Luckily for me, that's not a problem with us... Yet. To be honest, I'm the one getting begged and pleaded with to help. It's actually been that way the entire time we've been married. I've done the laundry maybe a handful of times, and the dishes... I think three times. So seeing we're an odd couple when it comes to that it has me wondering what our battles will be when a baby comes into the picture.

I think it'll be waking up at night... As we both love to sleep. When we first got Snoop I was the one who got up in the middle of the night to let him go to the bathroom. Now though, my husband is the one that remembers to walk (and feed) him every day.

Thinking about all of this and after reading my friend's Newly Identified blog post about marriage, it made me think about what makes OUR marriage work now.

One of the biggest, most obvious things is communication. We try not to go to bed angry, but sometimes that's not always possible. But when we wake up the next day usually we've cooled off enough to talk about whatever the problem is. Sometimes communication means tears (on my part) but at least it's getting it all out there. Neither of us are too proud to say "I'm sorry," and I can't think of any problem or disagreement we haven't been able to handle.

Sure, there are things that bug the HECK out of me, but I've learned to adjust to them, and not let it get to me. I think that's important--Accepting who they are, and remembering why you fell in love and got married. Sometimes that thing you loved about them changes, but that's ok. I think you've gotta be willing to grow and change together.

But most of all... The advice I think works best in any relationship, is advice I shared in a small hotel room in Chicago with five other wonderful women. The opportunity to share it came up when one of the women said sometimes it's hard to continue to get closer together as you grow older, because you change and sometimes grow apart. In answer to that I shared the advice I was given before we got married and I've promised to never forget.

My future-husband at the time, and I were described as spokes on a wheel. Sometimes we'd be far apart on this wheel and sometimes we'd be close together. But what will be sure to pull us closer together more than anything else is what's in the center of that post... The center being Christ.

He told us if we both work toward getting closer to Christ we'd also be getting closer to each other at the same time.

I'm not sure exactly how having a child will change our marriage. There are the obvious things like sleep and time, but I wonder what kind of toll it will take on us. I love spending time with my husband now, and sometimes that already can be short. How will I continue to make alone time for us?

Last night after a long day we went babysitting. We were both already tired and a little cranky, but our little friend was wide awake and ready to play. Not long after we got there, we were both getting tired. We took turns playing with him while the other rested our eyes.

During my his, my husband was playing with J, but he was being SO loud! I mean, WAY louder than the laughing baby. I shhhed him, and he told me that is what it was going to be like after we have a baby.

His words made me think... Seeing he'll be a fun and entertaining dad is encouraging, but obnoxiously loud? Hmmm. I hope our love for the Lord can keep us from driving each other crazy after kids!

I've heard children can bring you closer together but I've also heard they can drive you further apart. What do you do to keep your marriage going strong? Those with children--How do you make it so your children bring you closer together? What are the major changes in your relationship after having kids? I'd LOVE your input!

The Distance Dilemma--Solved

Don't look back... Only forward. Those are the words that are playing on "repeat" in my mind as I think about my life and the way it's going, though sometimes I'm not sure which way is which.

I loved visiting with all of his family and we miss them so much. But it was also SO much fun to be a visitor. You know... Special treatment and all. Snoop was greeted with a nice big bone on our bed, and we both got treats too. I can imagine how fun it will be when trips to grandma's house are special for our children.

I thought I'd leave Utah yearning for more and dying to move back, but that's not the case. Coming back to Austin was coming Home for us, and it feels great.

Being in a new place--Though I've been there a year, is a good excuse to become a new person, reinvent and redefine oneself. I'm not sure what the new definition of "me" is... Blogger? Potential mother? But I know I have to keep moving forward.

As I leave one family behind I'm opening my arms to embrace a new one--One that's not quite formed, but it's coming together. I have two close friends having babies. As much as I wish that were me, I'm sincerely happy for them. I'm where I am for a reason, and I have to trust that everything will work out.

Before, I was thinking our kids would be missing out on so much if we lived away from family. But now I've realized there's family everywhere, though we're not always bound by blood.

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According to Random.org, the winners of Part 1 of my 400th Follower giveaway:
Commenter #138: The VERY lucky Jess won the hand-stamped necklace from Token Designs.
Commenter #282: The also VERY lucky AnaLee wins the beautiful premade layout of their choice from The Design Girl.
Commenter #34: Elle's Mom won the beautiful LOVE sign from The Back Porch Shoppe.
Commenter #308: JusticeCW wins the wristlet of their choice from Sweet Irie (I just got mine today and I LOVE it!!)
And finally, Commenter #12: {Katie Lane} wins an adorable BBQ style Apron from Aprons and More!

Winners get me your addresses! LIVE giveaway winners... I know we've already determined, you can send me your addresses too, but I'm going to request those later this week.

There's still time to enter my 400th Follower Giveaway. Part 2 ends tonight at midnight!

The Look Back

It's a little late because I work Sundays and I just HAD to share my excitement about cooking, but better late than never right?

Sometimes I don't think I'm ready for parenthood because I still act like a child myself. A perfect weekend for me would consist of watching at least one Disney movie and maybe a cartoon show or two. I love playing board games, and eating snacks like Mac and Cheese.

I often get nostalgic about the days when my sister and I would play with our Barbie dolls, dress them up and cut their hair. We even teased our little brother once and pulled off all of the heads on his power ranger action figured and switched them with the other super hero heads. It was mean, but it was fun.

One summer we got creative and turned our sleeping bags into sleds and drove them down the staircase. Karaoke and dress-up were commonly on our to-do-list. We loved to play! But you know what?--I still do.

It's a lot easier to entertain myself with the Internet at my hands, but I miss the good 'ol days of laughing at childish movies, and watching them over and over a million times.

I got a taste of this a couple of weeks ago. I watched Tarzan than Cinderella, then when my husband got home I made him watch Tarzan with me again cause he had never seen it before.

Have I mentioned I love Disney? I think I have... Once or twice. But really, I DO! I bought an entire DVD collection of EVERY Disney Classic (cartoon) movie from Snow White to Ratatouille (I just need Bolt and Wall-E). I can't wait to have kids and be able to share all of those movies with them. They may not like them as much as I did, but I sure hope it's a tradition I can pass on to my kiddos!

I love being around little kids cause I feel like it gives me an excuse to BE a kid again--An excuse to take me back. I don't want to feel like an old fart already. Is this why people say children keep you young? I hope that means becoming a mom will take off a few years for me. If anything it'll give me someone to watch those things with since right now getting my husband to watch them with me is like pulling teeth. And now that it's Easter season I'm sad that I don't have a little girl to dress up in a pretty dress, or a cute little boy to put in a suit.--Even worse, I don't have someone to decorate eggs with... It's not dying them alone (or with an unenthusiastic husband).

Same story at Halloween and Christmas time. I'm really looking forward to being young again through my children.--At the same time thought I'm hoping I'm not one of those crazy moms that tries to force my kids to do things I didn't get to do. We'll see how it works out.

What are other fun traditions you have with your kiddos? And do your kids keep you young, or make you feel old?

The Movie I Can't Wait to See

The Greatest Movie on Earth...Alright, I'm probably exaggerating. But let me tell you this... I'M A DISNEY FINATIC! Really, I grew up watching Disney movies over and over with my younger siblings. I would challenge anyone in a Disney trivia game, and I own every Disney Classic (the cartoon ones) from Pinocchio to Ratatouille all on DVD. I just need Wall-E and I'm set! My mom collected the movies on VHS when I was younger, so this DVD collection I hope to keep up with so all of my kids can appreciate them like I do.

Growing up I dressed up as many of the Disney princess characters: Belle, Ariel (red wig and all), Jasmine, Pocahontas, oh the list goes on! I loved them all! But NOW my future little girls will have a princess that looks like THEM... Princess Tiana, in Disney's "The Princess and the Frog."

I'm sooooo excited! Isn't it about time Disney gets a black princess?! I'm so glad that's going to happen this year! And better yet... It's going to be a musical, going back to the Disney roots I LOVE--Hand drawn characters, singing, dancing, colorful! So. Dang. Excited. ! ! !

I haven't dragged my husband to a Disney movie in a looong time so he owes me this one. It doesn't come out until November but I'm already watching for every updated preview I can get my hands on. Here's the latest:

The Jealous Factor

Some of my friends here in Austin don't believe I have lots of friends who are married with kids but I dedicate this blog to the proof. And they make me sick! Ok... Not really but look...

Take Exhibit A for example. This is my friend Kristen and her family. Her little boy is 2 years old and such a cutie! Don't they look like they're living a life of bliss.

Exhibit A

Now let's look below to Exhibit B. Tanya and I have been friends since high school. She moved into my ward a long long time ago and we've keep in touch since. Now mostly through blogging. I remember when she told me she was pregnant with this little one and now #2 is cooking. Young, beautiful, mom.

Exhibit B

Just when you think it couldn't get any better we're brought to Exhibit C. The Cooks. I worked with Jamie while attending BYU. She was the cutest pregnant TV show host you'd ever see! I was one of her successors but I don't think my belly ever looked as adorable as hers.Exhibit C

Mind you all of these women are 25 or younger! So my Austin friends, you can stop makin' me feel like I'm the only young person in the world crazy for getting married young and contemplating spawning.

Oh and trust me, there's more where that came from, here's a few more:

And really, it doesn't end! I'll just stop now so I don't seem like a complete picture stalker psycho.

Is it just me or does youthful spawning automatically give you a gorgeous aura?

The Biracial Children--My Worries

My children will be biracial. They'll have me-Their black mother and my husband-Their white father.

In this day and age I like to think that won't be as big of an issue as it was in years past but every now and then I wonder.

I grew up in the South. In my ward none of the young men asked me out. Older women told me it was because they were intimidated. "You're so beautiful," they'd tell me. But deep down I knew the real reason why.

At stake dances I usually did all of the asking. I never thought much of it since I was the one with the outgoing personality, but looking back something was... Off.

I remember one guy named Doug. One of my best friends dated him on and off for a few months. He wore a confederate flag ring on one of his fingers. He also frequently wore T-shirts with confederate flags printed on them... As if he wanted to scream to the world he was a racist.

He liked me... As in I was his girlfriend's best friend so he would put up with me, talk to me and occasionally dance with me probably just to make her happy. "Black people are 'this or that,'" he'd say. "But you're different."

What do you mean I'm different? I don't talk with an accent or wear saggy jeans? Hello, that's called a stereotype not a formula for an entire race.

I had a crush on one guy in my high school for years. We were very close friends. I set him up with numerous dates with my other friends and we could tell each other anything. He wanted a girlfriend, I wanted to be his girlfriend. But one day after school he told me why that wasn't possible. "Because you're black," he told me point blank.

This isn't meant to be an "Oooh poor me" post because as I grew up through the years I interacted with and dated all types of men. I found "the one" for me, and he happens to be white.

My husband and I share the exact same beliefs as far as racial issues apparent today. He doesn't pretend to understand what I've gone through but he knows it's out there. Neither of us can stand racism and we've learned to stand together as a team and defend our relationship when necessary. We share the same religious beliefs, cultural beliefs and most importantly... Music taste.

The LDS church does have a dirty history when it comes to Blacks. I don't understand all of it and I'm not going to go into all of it. All we know is that if we were able to get married in an LDS temple and receive those blessings than our relationship--Our marriage IS ok.

I think know some people in the LDS church teach that dating outside of your race is "not recommended." No lie, it's in the manual of the "LDS Marriage and Family Class." (I think we should all ban together to get that taken out but that's another story.) I know people who have been so upset about this they've doubted, even left the church. Obviously my husband and I didn't care about that lesson because we're married today. I however, do worry for my children. We won't teach our children that "recommendation". Not only would that be hypocritical, in my opinion that would be WRONG.

Besides, if that were how it were supposed to be who is an interracial child to date? Only interracial people?

I worry especially that my daughters will face the same challenges I faced growing up, but won't deal with it as I did. I was able to brush it off my shoulder while other Black women hold a grudge, or get very upset. I can't completely put myself in their boat because I did meet my husband while attending a "Mormon college", and married him six months later. I didn't know it then, but I was an EXTREME minority.

I worry my sons will have a hard time finding women to date because their parents don't want their daughter child "dating a black boy."

I hope as my children grow up they meet other children who are taught to have friends of all races, and date people of all nationalities. Besides, religion, career, personality... Those are all things you can choose. You're born your race.

I don't want my children to grow up wishing they looked "more like daddy" or like their white friends. I want them to be proud of who they are, and proud to be brown. Most of all, I hope others around us are accepting and open minded enough to see people for more than just the color of their skin.

I know a lot of people who have adopted children out of their race... Adopted black children. (I can make that a whole new topic) but I'm curious to know your opinions on the matter, regardless of your child's skin color. Would you care if your child dated outside of your race? Your religion?

My beliefs on Blacks in the LDS Scriptures.

The Mommy Moment of the Month Pt2

Well, continuing in my tradition I just started last month I'm doing the second Mommy Moment of the Month- this time for December!

I can't imagine what it's like trying to get 3 kids under five ready for church every Sunday. Tyne does is every week! It's hard enough trying to get MYSELF ready and to church on time. I'm not sure if every Sunday is a battle like this with breakfast, screaming kids and flaming popcorn (I sure hope not). But one thing's for sure... Any mom that can go thorough all of this and STILL make it to church (with the whole family) deserves a medal!

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The Sanctuary has Come Undone!

Crushed red pepper flakes, shards of glass, toothpicks... all just signs of the madness that was to come to my sanctuary on Sunday morning.

McClaine wakes, screaming at 7:30 am. My sweet husband retrieves McClaine and his siblings, that he managed to wake, and takes them all to the playroom so I can continue to sleep. Caleb can do this, he has a supernatural ability to sleep on our horribly uncomfortable couch, with three children crawling on top of him and that dang "Hot Dog, Hot Dog, Hot Diggety Dog" song blasting in the playroom. He has the safety gate up, I am sure, otherwise I would have been woken by more children than just Avery.

And she was so sweet and quiet when she came in, that I hardly woke from my sleep to nod incoherently, that she could heat up my corn bag in the microwave. People, I was nearly unconscious, that is the only reason why I gave my four year old daughter permission to put the sock filled with deer corn (that when microwaved for 2 minutes brings deep relief to my aching muscles) into the microwave. So I doze back to sleep, and Caleb continues to sleep through Little Einsteins.

12 minutes later I wake to the smoke alarm going off and what smelled like a movie theatre burning to the ground. I run out of the bedroom, frantic and disheveled, and find Caleb looking just as confused and dazed standing at the open microwave door wondering what in the heck exploded in our microwave. So he unplugs the microwave and I proceed to explain what I thought had happened.

8:20 am, we have a plan... I will take a quick shower and he will feed the kids breakfast so we can make it out the door to church on time. 8:28, I am out of the shower and hear Caleb yelling for me to help. Audrey's diaper had exploded, and apparently he needed assistance because he was making french toast and it was burning on the stove. French Toast, delicious, thoughtful and a HORRIBLE choice when you only have 35 minutes to get 5 people out the door. So I run into the kitchen in my towel, pull the pan off the stove top and pour three bowls of cereal while Caleb changes Audrey's diaper. Then I run back to my bathroom to dry my hair and put on my clothes.

Avery is screaming. Screaming. "Sit down, Audrey. You better sit down. Daaaaaaaaaaaddddddddddy, Audrey's standing up in her highchair. Daddy, Where are you?"

Great question. Where the heck are you and how hard is it to feed the kids three bowls of cereal? So I run again, hair half-dried, only in my undergarments into the kitchen to find...

AUDREY STANDING ON THE HIGHCHAIR TRAY! One foot dangling on the edge, clapping her hands at her proud accomplishment of escaping the straps, the tight tray and climbing on top of the slippery tray 4 feet above our tile floor. I grab the crazy toddler and proceed to run around the sanctuary looking for Caleb. I finally found him out in the back driveway and gave him the look of a crazy woman, "What are you doing?"

"I am trying to extinguish your corn bomb!"

Apparently, when Caleb closed the microwave, it continued to smolder, and smolder, and smolder. When he noticed that smoke continued to spill from the microwave, he took it out. Immediately the oxygen aroused fire, so he threw it out in the back driveway, where the winds caught the mild flames and it combusted into a huge corn bomb. All the while, Audrey is attempting new acrobatics over our tile floor.

9:17, all three children dressed, loaded in their car seats and the White Family leaves their little sanctuary, smelling like they barely escaped a popcorn volcano, to go worship the Lord at a more peaceful and fresher smelling sanctuary...

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See the story on her blog here.

I'm looking for a January post! Let me know if there's one I should check out!
Once again, since I'm not even a mother myself and this blog is about ALL types of motherhood (pre, to-be, one-day, and actual) I'll look at blogs from my friends who may not be mom's yet either, because those stories are just as great!

The Urge

Why am I even contemplating creating spawn? I'm asking myself the same question. About two and a half years ago I worked at a credit union in Utah County. I worked with several other women who were a year or two older than me. I only worked there for a month, but just about everyday we'd get into a conversation about having kids. They pretty much wanted to get pregnant right then and there. I, on the other hand couldn't understand why. I couldn't wrap my brain around the idea of having a child at 22 or 23. It just seemed so young to me. I didn't want to hear the excuse "when you get older complications... blah blah blah" cause we all know the serious risk isn't until you're in your mid 30s. I know marriage can get... Mundane if you let it, after a few years. I've been married four years (on Tuesday!) and while we have a lot of fun together I can imagine it being more fun and entertaining with a little one.

Now when I stop and really think about why I want to have a kid relatively soon (2010, I'll be 25) I can only think of a few honest reasons:
1. It's going to be dang cute... I try not to say this too much cause I'm afraid I'll jinx myself into a weird-looking baby. But seriously, I can't wait to see what a little mini-us looks like. It's exciting.
2. No more boring life. Sometimes I'm mad cause I wish my car could be a transformer or my husband was a vampire... You know, the cool stuff. I easily get bored if I don't have a lot of things on my plate... Have a baby... problem solved!

3. Everyone else is doing it! (Aka: I'm jealous)

Sounds like the best reasons to have a kid right?

Aren't I suppose to feel like "I want to learn what it's like to sacrifice" "I want to learn patience" "I am excited to take care of another soul" "I'm ready to say goodbye to the life of a young free flying bird that goes wherever she pleases only worrying about my adjacent soulmate"? I'm not sure I'm--No, wait... I KNOW I'm not ready for any of that. But I've still got the urge!

It's like I'm hypnotized! I asked my husband for a blessing so I wouldn't be hypnotized anymore and he just laughed at me!

On the other hand, when I do the math and calculate that having a child at 27 would be a great wonderful age, but another 4 years seems like so long! What the heck am I going to do with myself for another 4 years? I love my husband but heck... I may get bored! I guess I can work on advancing more in my career, but do you even understand how hard it is seeing all of your friends having cute little kids and posting cute little stories and stuff? On one hand I want that too, but on the other hand, I think "I WILL have that too, just not now, and when I do, their kids will be bratty teenagers." But really, that's just to make myself feel better.

Why now? What is it that makes me want a kid so soon? And how in the world do I keep myself from jumping on the bandwagon?

Last week one of my dear friends called me asking the same questions so we talked about "the urge." Talking things through with her made me think I should take my own advice: Make personal goals to achieve before having kids, make plans to do things as a couple, maybe things you couldn't do with kids. Basically keep busy, and enjoy the time without kids because this is the one and ONLY ever time you have with just you and your spouse. Really, it's the ONLY time you'll have that... EVER (without having to worry about babbysitters and what not). Consider yourself special, because you have what many married couples don't... being childfree. And once you start you can't go back, ever ever ever EVER!

The thing that helps me the most is really realizing that and really trying to enjoy this young married couple time we have now, and living it to the fullest. I hope that works.

Any other tips?

The Best Age to Have a Baby Pt.2

Since my first post I've been getting more interesting stories... here's one:

Danielle (was 29): I waited that long because (first off I wasn’t married until I was 24) I wanted to get my degree, have a career, travel, etc w/o having to worry about and take care of kids. Plus I thought it was best for my husband and I to have US time before having kids. We love our daughter but even now I think we could have waited longer. I wasn’t in a rush and I’m not in a rush to have another but someday would like a second child. It just felt like the right time when we did have her. And it was planned. Got off the pill for a couple months and then whamo bammo. Pregnant.
The reason why I say we could have waited longer is because my husband and I both liked our jobs. We enjoyed the work and enjoyed the money we made. We knew once we had kids that I would either not work at all or I would stay home. I now work part time and had to switch job paths because of that and the money is decent but we’re nowhere near what I was making. So we’ve had to make some changes in our money spending and saving. It’s not bad, just very different. Went from buying what I wanted when I wanted because I knew had the money to logging into my account to see how much I have in case I wanted to get something. Blessing in disguise, I guess. It’s taught me more about budgeting and should something happen down the road we’re better off because of this experience that I know we’d be okay.
Ups - everything - even the bad stuff is an up because I get to experience it
Downs - at times it’s stressful, I’m sleep deprived, feel like I’m constantly doing something, underappreciated, takes a lot more time/money to travel, can’t pee without an audience, need a break once in a while Anything else?

The Perfect Age to Have a Baby

Ok ok, obviously the time is different for everyone and from what I've hear you're never really "ready," but for the sake of my blog, humor me a little while I compare and contrast.

As of now I'm thinking I'll be in my 20s when I have my first child, but that has fluctuated over my four years of marriage. I have no intentions of being in my 40s but early 30s could be a possibility. Here are some interesting tidbits I learned from a very long article.

20s

-"Physically, the 20s are the ideal time for pregnancy," doctors say. Because your body is primed to handle the demands of carrying a baby.
-You're less likely to have pregnancy complications or babies with Down Syndrome.
-You can also grow up with your child (I'm personally not a fan of that idea, I can't imagine having a teenager before I'm 40... SCARY!!!
-Mentally: A lot of my (non-LDS) friends won't have kids yet, and I may have to put my career/advanced education on hold for awhile.
-Also, still relatively new in a marriage, we'd have to make sure we plan more time for each other.

Stories:

Carla (was 21)-The down side: Being a young mom means that it's hard not to be selfish about my time. I used to sleep in, read, or watch TV whenever I wanted and go out with friends any night I pleased. All these freedoms go away when you're a parent.

The good side: Bouncing back after pregnancies is easier when you're younger. I've gotten down to my starting weight after each one. Two weeks after I had Aliza I was in a bridesmaid dress.

I'm happy that my kids have young grandparents -- they're all in their 50s -- and seven great-grandparents. I'm always calling my mom and mother-in-law for advice

Samantha (was 25)- My career had been important to me -- I was just starting out and was very ambitious. But during my maternity leave, I realized that motherhood was what life was about for me right now.

My friends hadn't had kids yet. Some of my closest mom friends are women in their 30s and 40s whom I met in the neighborhood or at playgroups. They were eager to take me under their wing and share their wisdom.

There are times when Chris and I hear about all the wild things our single friends are doing and we're envious. But then something magical happens at home with our boys and we're reminded that we have such a full life to be thankful for.

30s

-At higher risk of developing certain complications. But the majority of healthy women still have uneventful pregnancies at this age. At age 35 there's 1/200 chance of having a child with Down Syndrome.
-More likely to have a C-section
-Mentally: I've had time for myself and my marriage, and I've accomplished some professional goals. This could give peace of mind if wanting to take a break to spend time with spawn.
-It'll be easier to find a support group of pregnant friends and get advice.

Stories:

Carol (was 30)- Good side: Financial stability -- we own our own apartment now, and we've got some money saved for Emily's education. It also meant that Emily doesn't have to compete with my career. I put so much time and energy into my job in my 20s that I felt like I was able to step back a little once I had her. I found a new position within the company that allows me to work at home sometimes, so I can spend more time with her.

Because we waited to have kids, our parents are all retired or about to retire, which means I get a lot of help! My parents-in-law watch Emily every day while I'm at work.

(apparently she had no down sides)

Erica (was 36)- I'm glad that I had time to be spontaneous, go out with friends, and travel before having kids -- it's a lot harder to get out of the house and do things when you have a baby. And I feel like I'm a better person for having had the experiences I did before having Lena. I just hope that she'll feel the same way and that she'll keep me young.

40s

-Having a baby in your 40s is common these days, and the majority of older mothers have totally normal pregnancies. Still, the risk of complications rises after age 40.
-This is crazy: If you're physically fit, eat well, and don't have preexisting health conditions such as diabetes or hypertension, your overall risk of other pregnancy complications isn't markedly higher than that of a woman in her 20s or 30s.
-The self-confidence and perspective you've picked up in your life may make you more patient in dealing with a demanding newborn.

Story:

Andrea (was 44)-Down sides: My friends' children are now in college, so I'm completely out of sync! They went through all the sleepless nights and playdates and pediatrician appointments years ago -- and I'm just starting. I honestly don't feel my age at all, but I realize that as I get older it's going to become more challenging.

I thought being older would mean that I'd be more prepared for motherhood. I was centered, had traveled extensively, had eaten in all the best restaurants, and had bought all the clothes I wanted. But honestly, the experience of the two of them brings me to my knees. I wouldn't have been more prepared at 144.

As of now I'm saying the perfect age is..... (Drumroll please)...... 30!! Not in 30s but 30. That'll give me another 7 years to get where I want to be in my career, hopefully have a Master's Degree, and I'll have been married for *gasp* 12 years!! -Do I think that'll happen? No, but as of today,that's my story and I'm sticking to it. (Ask me again tomorrow).

I'd love to hear your stories!! I'd love to see personal examples from people in 20s 30s and 40s! (Or opinions of why you'd prefer one over another).

-Also, if you'd like to read more about pregnancy in each age group here's a few more articles.

The Confession

When I lived in Utah I didn't even want to THINK about spawn/kids/children/offspring. Now that I'm gone and don't feel the need to REBEL anymore, I want one.

Things I'm Looking Forward to Pt1

The Nursery:
One thing I CAN'T WAIT to have is a nursery. I don't know why but I've always dreamed of having a decked out room for a little baby. I want a matching bedroom set with a really cute fancy crib, and a fun theme. I thought it would be easy to decide what kind of stuff I'd like but as I was Googling images to add here I realized how picky I am. One thing for sure... I'd NEVER be able to decorate on my own. I suck at matching things and I'll either have to choose a picture out of a magazine and order the complete package, or hire a designer. I think I have more of a sophisticated taste in design. I don't like a lot of frills or wallpaper design print stuff. I like stripes, argyle, and dark colored beds (using the word "crib" gives me the creeps unless it's regarding a house).

If I were to find something I like now, I'd choose something like this for a girl:
And for some reason right now I really like this hot air balloon room for a boy, although I think I'd rather do a sort of golf-related like the second one.
Of course in an ideal world I'd take one from the top and one from the bottom and squish them together in a room for twins...

Anyway, who knows what my taste will be like by the time I actually give birth?! Don't you love how I'm posting all this stuff about kids and I have no idea when I'll actually have one? I'm a weirdo, and obviously a tad bit bored.

The Flashback

I came across a blog post I wrote years ago, not long after I got married. It was titled "What's wrong with women these days?"(I say "was" because in a recent rampage I must have deleted every post I had made). I went on and on about how crazy I thought people were for getting married and having kids right after being so young. My friends... Lots of them, were having kids! I said how I wanted to at least finish school first, have a degree or two. Have a house, have traveled with my husband, be successful in my career. I know... Sounds selfish right? Well, I still stand behind most of what I said. It is still weird knowing that most of my friends have children and/or are pregnant, but part of me (a very small one) can relate.

I have my house, I'm established in my career, have four years of marriage under my belt, and practice with a puppy. I'm still only 22 though (23 in January), and most of my friends in my new town think I'm crazy every time I even mention the "B" word.

Right now I'm thinking my plan is to have a kid by 2010, or in 1 year and 10 months to be exact. In that time I'm hoping my husband will complete school and I'll have some healthy habits established and be ready for the plunge. Of course plans do change, and I'll be sure to note my monthly change of mind.

I was planning on applying to graduate school this year but this book called "How to study for the GRE" scared me away. That's still something I'm wanting to go for, and I'm hoping it can be done with spawn.

And lastly... The car. "Lexus before little ones" or "Beemers before babies" were little sayings I made up to keep me focused on my goals. Oh you'd better believe I'm still getting my car... Just maybe not until my next promotion.
But instead of this sporty version I'm thinking of something a little more family friendly