How Social Media Influenced My Birth Views and How I Changed Them Back

I was literally on the floor bawling when my husband got home from the gym. He may have thought I was crying from the contractions I had been having for the past 22 hours, but I wasn't. I was crying because they stopped, and because I was worried about being induced.

"What are you most worried about?" He asked me. "That it may lead to a c-section?"

I shook my head. "I was just looking forward to waking up in the middle of the night and the excitement of the surprise of it all," I admitted.

He sat silent for a few seconds before comforting me some more. He told me what he'd remember more than the hustle and bustle of getting to the hospital and getting her out, would be seeing her for the first time. And watching me watching her, and falling in love with our little creation.

After gaining some composure we went to the nursery where he said a sweet prayer for me. A prayer which key points I'll remember forever. A prayer that truly calmed my soul, and has made me feel better about--and more excited to meet our daughter than ever before.

Over the past year I've been inundated in a world so many people don't know exists. People know about social media--sure--but not many understand the cliques, the strong opinions and even radical groups that are out there.

I'm a curious woman, and being the journalist I am, I really enjoy learning about different sides of a story. I would say "both sides" but there are more than two sides to almost every story.

When it comes to birth, I grew up only really knowing about one side--The side most all of my friends have experienced--The side I've been comfortable with all my life. That's hospital births, usually with pain medication, sometimes involving inductions or other medical procedures.

Positioning myself as a huge spectacle online has put me in the spotlight and made me fresh meat to any and every mom who has an opinion about anything. Most commonly, or at least most noticeably, I get comments from the "crunchy" type. The moms who feel natural is best, sometimes despite popular beliefs and what anyone else says.

At first I thought some of these people had a few loose screws, but as I've gotten to know them, I've learned more about where they're coming from, and started to learn a different side of things I may have never been open to learning had it not been for their influence online.

Now the difficult part in befriending said-crunchies, sharing with them my pregnancy experiences, listening to their experiences, sympathizing with them, and learning from them, is that I grew to feel an immense amount of pressure. As if they'd taken me under their wing and were watching me like a hawk to see if I'd make the wrong move.

I began to worry about choosing to get an epidural, not because of rare and possible side effects, but because if I did go into the "cascade of interventions" I'd disappoint (or probably prove right) my acquaintances. I was more nervous about disappointing my audience with my birth story, than doing what I really wanted to do, and the added stress was obvious at home.

My husband insists I don't blog my birth story; that I experience it for me, and not worry about sharing the ifs whens and hows to the world.

"Just say we had a baby, The End," he tried to persuade me. "That's all that matters."

"Yes, but women like to talk about and read these things," I pushed back. "It's like our version of war stories we like to share."

"But who needs to know how many doses of pitocin you get, or why you got an epidural? That's just opening the door to let people judge you and make you feel bad."

Basically he's saying I'd be asking for it. True. To an extent. I don't think anyone asks to be critically judged, but putting yourself out there like I have does assume that position. The difference is now I have the confidence to stand behind my decisions no matter what someone else says.

Before starting my blog I never focused on what kind of birth I wanted... Other than the end result to have a baby. I knew c-sections happened, and I never thought they were a big deal. I knew if I needed one, so be it. After developing my blog and its audience, the thought of having a c-section felt like it would equal a failed birth.

Why? Why? WHY?

I don't feel that way deep down. I don't. I know some people do, and that's their challenge they'll have to overcome--Or not, if they don't want to. I had let other people's opinions on what's right and wrong in a situation brainwash me into believing that if it didn't go a certain way, I was cheated. But I shouldn't have let their negative feelings about a birth outcome change my views of what's important to me.

There's a difference between being uneducated--Naive, and differing in opinions with someone. Everyone can find a different study to go along with their viewpoint.

Something I think a lot of people need to suck up and realize is just because someone's opinion differs from yours doesn't mean they haven't done their research, or that they are wrong. It just means after looking at the evidence, you both came to different conclusions. Nothing is wrong with that. Can we please shout that message to the world of moms, the world of women?--Just because we disagree doesn't mean I'm wrong.

A friend of mine who was induced before her due date tells me everything went perfectly well for her, her baby's fine, and "I was having a big baby, nothing is wrong with inducing early."--While the next person tells me I should wait it out as long as possible, "43 weeks or more can be totally fine, the baby won't stay in there forever."

I smile at both of them, knowing I disagree equally. I've read that it's best inductions aren't done before 40 weeks because calculations could be off and you can be risking having your child prematurely. I also have read that staying pregnant longer than 42 weeks can increase the chances of infection, injury during a vaginal birth, and double your chances for needing a cesarean section.

I'm done being everyone's baby doll. I know most have good intentions but it's become information overload.

I enjoy hearing other people's experiences, and learning from them, but the truth is everyone has different experiences, and there's no cookie-cutter solution for everyone. And it all goes a little too far when people start telling you the way your deciding things are wrong, just because it may not have worked for them.

My sweet husband reminds me that he and I are in this together, for our baby. And no one else's opinion on the means of which she gets here matters.

I'M her mother. I know what's best for her and I'm not going to let the next person--be it doctor, blog writer or twitter follower--tell me they know better.

As of now we are considering inducing labor July 3rd. No longer do I feel anxious or disappointed about the possibility, I'm excited about our decision. It may not be what's right for you, but I'm at peace with the choice. I may not have the "OMG this is it!" moment in the middle of the night, but I will get to get dressed up before we go in, and plan around her new due date. I'm finding the positive sides in what some may consider a negative position.

Most of all, I'm so happy to know that I'll finally be meeting my daughter in less than a week. I feel divinely guided in the decisions we're making for our family and whatever happens will be what's meant to happen for us.

The Cloth Diapers

In my quest of "what's crunchy?" I got a HUGE response... Actually my biggest one yet. A lot of women gave me their opinions of what makes a woman crunchy and why they choose to live that way. Some things REALLY intrigued me, and others made me think "No way!" I talked to my husband about a few of the ideas and one of them was the notion to try using cloth diapers. His answer was pretty much an immediate "no way."

If there's one thing I've heard over and over in my pre-pregnancy state it's "diapers are expensive." And "start stalking up once you know your pregnant." Well unless I want to keep a towel around my baby or invest in a lot of carpet shampoo, I think I'm obviously going to with some form of diaper... But which is cheaper? I've heard people say cloth diapers are WAY less expensive more eco-friendly, and better for the bottom. And I've heard others say the water and energy you use cleaning them make up for the difference. Now time is money, so if I'm spending hours upon hours cleaning dirty diapers it probably will get old...(evil grin) But I do have a husband, and I've only done laundry a handful of times in my 4.5 years of marriage... So I'm counting on the fact that I won't have to worry about that, if we so choose this path.

The next item to consider is appearance. When I imagined cloth diapers I pictured literally a soft washcloth-like material safety-pinned around the baby's bottom. Something like this:Well little did I know things are more advanced nowadays, and cloth diapers can actually look like REAL diapers, and have nice velcro, patterns and tags, the whole nice yards! I recently learned how to sew. I learned because I wanted to make matching dog collars and leashes for Snoop. That's all I can make though. The thought of sewing any kind of clothing item terrifies me, much less a cute diaper. But it would be SO FUN to make diapers for my kids... I think. Probably until they poop in them, then I'd probably want to throw it away.-- Then again maybe I wouldn't because of all the TIME it took me to make!-- Now I'm on to something... If I MAKE the diapers I won't want to throw them away (cause I'd probably throw away something I bought).

I came across Amber's website DiaperKit.com and honestly, I think I could do this... And if I can do it, anyone can do it! What I hate most about sewing is all of the cutting, and what's nice about these is that all the material is already cut and ready, you just sew it together! The kits start as low as in the $5 range. Imagine how many diapers you could make and wash and save and use on future babies! Hmmm... Whatdoyathink?

I know there's quite a few women who read my blog who are ALL for cloth diapers. I've also connected with quite a few on Twitter and I'm really interested in why you choose (or don't choose) this path.

Either if you do, or are considering it Amanda and I have a little gift for you. Anyone who purchases one of her diaperkits or pre-made diapers between now and May 21st will get a 10% discount. She also donated an adorable pre-made diaper that is so cute it actually made me think I am going to try these things... At least one. It's worth a try right? How about you win it and give it a try! It's a size small so it can fit babies 10-20 pounds. It's white, 100% cotton, and super absorbent! You don't need a diaper cover with this cause it's all in one! It also has an adorable little tag on the front that says "I Love Cloth."

So shop around, leave a comment here and let me know what kit or diaper you like best and why you use or would consider using cloth diapers. That's your entry. I'll draw a winner from randomizer.org on May 9th! If you don't and don't want to use them, still tell me why! I want to know both sides :)
You can get extra entries by:
-Being a follower of my blog
-Tweeting or Facebooking etc. this post
-Blogging about this post
-Have or grab my button and put it on your blog!

Please leave me a comment for each extra entry. Giveawat ends 5/9 Good Luck!
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The Sleep (Or Lack Thereof)

Ok a lot of the crunchy ideas I'm learning about from women on the topic of my last post is REALLY interesting. Some of the things I'd NEVER heard of (eating the placenta? Waaaa!??!) and am not quite sure if it's all up my alley, but I'm getting lots of study and book recommendations on both sides that I'm excited to delve more into. My mom was a WAY SOGGY maybe liquid mom. I had regular disposable diapers, didn't breastfeed, got all sorts of shots, slept separate (I think) didn't get worn, and I don't think I've ever eating anything organic. I turned out ok didn't I?

Most of these options I won't have to worry about myself for awhile... Hey, I'm not knocked up yet. But I think it still makes for interesting conversation. The biggest debate I am most interested in right now is the co-sleeping issue.

My husband and I didn't sleep in the same bed before we were married, and it was pretty evident the first month or so. He'd wake up with bruises all over, once I even gave him a black eye. I would (and still kind of do) move around a lot when I sleep, toss and turn all over, and take him in as victim to my swings. Now we have a California king sized bed and he's pretty safe, when my dog jumps on the bed though, I usually kick him away from my side of the bed. I like the idea of co-sleeping but I worry about two things, one of them being killing my child.

Someone did make a point in saying you wouldn't roll over on your baby just like you wouldn't roll off the bed. That's a good point. I am scared of the edge of the bed... I can't have a finger, a toe hanging off (long story). So perhaps I wouldn't roll over on my child. But even if my child is able to escape my sleeping wrath, what if my husband makes up for it? It seems like it would make breastfeeding easier, but really... I think I'd be scared to accidentally kill my child the first night, I may do a bassinet near the bed or something for awhile.

The other question I had about co sleeping, which an anonymous commenter and Joy brought up. So... When do ya do it? Ya know? The freeky deeky. I know the time for lovin' goes down when you have a kid (at least that's what I hear, I sure hope not) but it seems like it would go WAY down if your kid(s) is in the bed with you! And what if they're older, as in not babies, and sleeping in your bed? Do you kick them out for a little while then bring them back? Or do you have to schedule intimate time during different times of the day?... Or is that just put on hold for awhile?

The answer to this question may answer if I could really do it or not!

The Crunchy Me

I joined a network called "Mormon Mommy Blogs" a few months ago, not long after I started this blog. I was browsing different categories when I noticed one called "Crunchy moms." I had no idea what that meant but I just kept going on my way.

I fell in love with a blog by my Alaskan blog friend Mommy Bee, "Musings of Mommy Bee." After reading a lot of her posts I noticed a unique trend... She uses cloth diapers, makes cloth pads, co-sleeps with her kids. I thought it was some Alaskan thing or something but it all clicked when I saw her blog in the "crunchy mom" list and asked her what it meant.

This is the explanation she left me in a comment once:

"Are you familiar with the term 'granola mom' when referring to someone who follows a more natural/hippie lifestyle? Well, granola is crunchy... I think a lot of us disliked the moniker 'granola' because, truthfully, granola isn't that good for you (I know, shocking, huh?!), so we chose our own term I guess...
Anyway, I consider myself a crunchy mama because I birth without medication, militantly breastfeed, co-sleep, babywear, cloth diaper, recycle, grow a garden, wear my hair long, almost never wear make-up, use standard medicine sparingly, don't spank, don't circumcise, do try to eat healthy/organic/traditional foods, and very possibly will homeschool at least some of my kids or some of the time.
There are a lot of versions of crunchy...but that's mine. I never take the status quo for granted, and do my own research on pretty much everything. "

I'm always so intrigued when I see a new post on her blog about "home/ unassisted birth" or "breastfeeding" or "immunizations" (or lack there of) stuff like that, cause it's all stuff I'm curious about and looking into now. So now I'm asking myself "Could I be crunchy?"

At first I thought "no way, that's not me," but now I'm thinking I want to learn more. I like the idea of crunchy because to me it seems empowering as a woman (especially when it comes to labor)... I also like the idea of saving money on some things. Mommy Bee left a comment on my blog the other day responding to another commenter saying babies are expensive. She brought up some good points I never even though about... Cloth diapers, homemade baby food, breastfeeding over formula, co-sleeping, less toys (heaven forbid!) or cribs of Craigslist.

I brought the topic up to my husband, told him some of the examples of being crunchy and he liked some of them. We're both not too keen on the idea of cloth diapers right now, but just for kicks I looked on Craigslist and found stuff like this for sale for dirt cheap! Nice stuff!

Ok, I'm not sure if buying stuff off Craigslist is considered a "crunchy" attribute, but the idea came from a crunchy mom so for now I'll say "yea." It seems like crunchyness can save some money, and I'm all about that!

Anyway, I'm also interested in things like co-sleep (although I'm afraid I'll roll over and kill my baby), breastfeeding, homemade baby food, growing a garden, figuring out what the heck stuff is organic and maybe trying to use that stuff.

I'm a big researcher myself, so I'm thinking the more I look into stuff the more I may develop some crunchy ways.

I actually like the idea of homebirth... However, not if I can't take an epidural. I know I don't like pain and that is one of the biggest things scaring me out of having a kid right now. I do like the idea of having a nice birth in a cozy bed or something... But what if something goes wrong? Oh jeez... I'm not sure how crunchy I'll really be when it comes down to it, but so far, I'm thinking some of it sounds pretty cool. Perhaps I'll be a chewy mom... Not quite crunchy, but not soggy, somewhere in the middle.

Any crunchy moms our there? Soggy moms? Chewy moms? What do you like and not like? Oh and everyone, look out for Mommy Bee, I'm sure she'll be leaving a nice informative comment! Or just check out her blog to see more of that I'm seeing.

Over the next little while I'm going to be tacking topics on crunchy, so we don't have to delve into all of them now, but if there's some others I'm leaving off the list as of now let me know.