The Questions I'm Asking Myself

As I inch closer and closer day by day towards the goal of switching the baby-makin machine "ON", I find myself asking few questions over and over:
"For real?": Am I really going to take the leap to try to change my life FOREVER? To jump off the realms of just regular womanhood into the depths of motherhood?
"Am I ready?": Ok, maybe I'm more "ready" than a lot of people... especially those who have the "oops" cases, oh, and those girls on 16 and Pregnant. But really... Am I ready to be a mom? Mom--I can't imagine being called that! WEIRD!
"What's the rush?": I don't know the answer to this one. I just know I want to be a mom, and I think I'd be a good mom, and that I love my husband and we'd make a good team. Why do all of this now?--I don't know. I know my biological clock isn't exactly ticking. Maybe it's just nature telling me it's time? Of course my pregnant friends don't help any, but hey... I wanted it first!

I'm not sure why I don't want to wait another year or two...Why I feel like I can't. Why is that?! I'm sure once I have a baby I'll look back wondering why I was in such a hurry... Or perhaps I'll wonder why I waited so long. I hope the latter is the case.

And then every once in awhile this question pops into my mind...
"What am I THINKING?!": I don't know. I see the things my friends with new babies are going through. The sleepless nights. The crankiness, the loss of sexual appetite, the loss of romance. And I STILL want to do this?! I hope the occasional fear that crosses into my mind, and sometimes out my mouth diminishes... And that I'm not getting cold feet.

Is this normal?

The Clock is Ticking!! Need Baby Makin' Secrets!

I can’t believe I’m so close… So close to taking the plunge. I’m ready, more ready than ever to try to join the mommy club. Things are falling into place better than I imagined. Don’t laugh, but I’ve had a countdown on my iPhone for a while. Counting down to the day my “baby makin machine” would turn “ON.” I remember looking at it when it was more than 100 days away. I’ve changed the date several times, but this time I think it’s sticking, and I’m finally only 32 days away… Ok, I’m going to just round down and say a MONTH! I’m so excited I’m literally thinking of making a paper chain.

Everything is falling into place too. I’m not a Suga Mama anymore! When I was in Chicago my husband got an interview and a JOB that he likes A LOT! I feel very blessed. The economy hit us pretty hard, but we’ve been blessed an able to rent out our condo for another year, and now this! I was ready to just go for it like NOW but we’ve agreed to stick with our September goal. But when I really think about it it’s like HOLY COW… Scary!! I’m excited, scared, and going into hyper-planning mode all at the same time!

I’m debating on all things pre-TTC, and my original goals and plans are all starting to change. I’m trying to decide if I still want to do a procreation vacation (aka baby-makin’ moon). Part of me does because it would be fun, but then part of me thinks I don’t care anymore, I just want to get this show on the road!! But then again I’ve talked about it and I think kicking it off in a fun way would be… Well, fun. And since I’ve talked about it for so long I kind of want to just do it the fun way like I planned. Oh, and can I just say I was looking at my Fertility Friend chart and it looks like I’ll be ovulating around the 1st of September, so who knows… Maybe I’ll get the first egg right away! What do you think? Baby-Makin Moon? Yay or nay? I'm also a little worried about over-planning and scaring my husband out of it. The goal is NOT to do that!!

Oh, and I know I’ve been a blogging slacker lately… At least for me. Blogher took a lot out of me. I’ll be doing more wrap ups on that later, but I’m hoping to get back into the routine of posting daily again! I’ve got a lot to say my (hopefully) LAST month pre-trying to be a mommy.

I’m looking up a lot of things about trying to conceive and so I have a question for you… Besides sex (obviously) if there was one thing that helped you get pregnant what do you think it was? I hear, laying down propped up at the hips for awhile helps. What else worked for you, or have you heard?

The Way to Convince Your Husband

First, I must explain the reason for my absence, as it technically is the longest I've gone without posting new material besides when I was on my cruise. It's kind of funny actually. Remember this post. Well, I had my feed publishing to my Facebook page and hubby decided to read it. He liked the post... Well, most of it, but he was a little worried about what my reaction might be to some of the comments with the underlying tone of "Who cares what your husband thinks... Have a baby!"

Now, I'm not sure how he thought I was going to carry this advice out... Trickery, hypnotism, rape--I assured him none of those were my intentions and that I'd want him to be just as excited as I am through the whole process (or else).

Regardless, the conversation left a bad taste in my mouth and I couldn't work up the energy to think of anything worth posting without fearing his reaction if he happened to read again. Great... now his reading is effecting my posting! I hate the feeling of having to censor my blog. I really try to do my best to keep things in my perspective, and keep his opinions and views out of it. Ok, so occasionally I go off on a rant, it happens. And at least I'm finding comfort from other people who are/have experienced the same thing.

I considered making my blog private for awhile, to subscribers, but I think the limit is 100.. A bittersweet blessing?

I guess he's mostly worried about people we know reading my blog... I can understand that, except 99% of people who read my blog don't really know me, and I'm not one who really cares what people think of me if they do. BUT I know a few of his family members read this blog. So if you're in my husband's family and reading this can you do me a favor and pretend like you don't? I mean, you can comment here or what not, but don't ask me about it at the family reunion ok?... At least not in front of the hubs.

The discussion that started this all was husbands... Do it with 'em, or without 'em? One of my friends asked a similar question: "One common consensus on here, though, seems to be not to wait for your husband to be ready?? I am just a little bit curious about it...I don't know why it caught me so off guard, but I definitely don't want to get pregnant if my husband isn't as ecstatic as me to be on this journey. Maybe these are too high of expectations... Just curious :) "

Becky, I'm with ya. I hope my husband is as excited as I am when it's time to try to have a baby, and I'm not planning on tricking it out of him (which I'm not saying they're suggesting) however, since I'm already going to Hell, I decided I'd write up a plan... My demise... And a every woman's guide to getting your hubby to get you pregnant... And what I would do if it was necessary to convince my husband to get on the bandwagon.

(And after reading a few comments and realizing some people took this seriously, let me just make a little disclaimer that this is totally a joke!) :)

First, make sure this is what you want, because once you convince him, if you change your mind, it could take a lot more than this to get him to believe you again. If a baby--Poop, spit, snot and all is really what you want, proceed to step 2.
2. Babysit together... But don't accept offers from people with bad, annoying, or loud kids. That'll scare him away. The ideal situation would be to babysit a baby who sleeps a lot, and when it's not sleeping, it's laughing and cooing at you. Then tell him that's how good your kids will be. (PS: pictured is my husband holding the very well behaved baby we now babysit twice a week.)
3. Get a dog, or some sort of pet, let him fall in love with it then say you're allergic and give it away. It's sad, but there's tough love in the game of love and war... And in that time of mourning is the perfect time to say "well, maybe a dog just wasn't the right move for us, and it's time for a real child."
4. Watch sports with your husband. Get all into it and tell him how fun it'll be when your little boys are old enough to play sports... Shoot, they aren't even conceived, better get going!
5. When moments present themselves, and you spot a cute family you think you'll resemble, or a kid's outfit he could see his child wearing, point it out to him. Don't over-do it, just nudge him and peer in the direction of the bait. He'll get the hint. WARNING: Don't do this too often or it could get annoying.
6. When he notices a cute family or comments about his dreams for children on his own, stay calm. Don't freak out, your over-excitement may just scare him out of the thought. Keep your cool and when the timing is right, tell him how you'd love that too.
7. Get all dolled up for him, let him have the remote, make him a nice dinner, and give him the night of his life. At the end of a long tiring but wonderful night when you're about to go to sleep, tell him how fun it will be when you're trying for a baby, and how it will be that much fun every night.
8. At church, let him catch you staring at little kids. Don't stare too long, or you'll look like a stalker, just long enough and with the nicest smile so that he knows, whether he likes it or not, that's what you want more than anything.
9. Hire outside enforcements. A couple he would look up to, but is in a worse situation than you financially. Make friends with them, then let them drop the bomb on you guys and tell you they're pregnant and share how excited they are with you. It may not work the first time, but after about the 3rd or 4th couple it's sure to strike a chord. This especially works with best friend couples with good babies, so you may have to invest some time and research.
10.Turn he tables. Halt everything you've been doing, and all of the positive vibes toward kids. Tell him you change your mind, you're not sure when you want to have kids and that maybe you two should wait awhile. He'll wonder why your mind has changed and it'll bring the idea of kids to the front of his mind. Then he'll always be the one bringing up the topic. That's when you POUNCE! Catch him while he's down and jump on his team, agree with him and he'll think the whole idea was his!

Got any others?

And FYI, if I don't post for a few days after this, send a search crew. My husband found it and I am dead.

The Babymoon

We've all heard of a honeymoon, but what about a babymoon? Nowadays, people do it while they're pregnant, before the baby is born as a "last hurrah" before parenthood The couple will go out when the mom-to-be is in her second trimester or so, and get couple massages, eat good food, and just have a romantic getaway (according to my Google results). OR (as my well educated already mother blog friends have informed me) The time after the baby is born and there's bonding. Family is there everyone's all lovey dovey and giving the new parents time to sleep, etc. I'll eventually probably do those things too--But I'm gonna invent my own type of "babymoon" for now-- A "baby-makin'moon" (and it's self explanatory).

I'm down for anything that gives me an excuse to go on a trip! Oh yea, I'm down with that. What better excuse to go on a vacation and get it on? But Now my question is "where to?"

Originally I had it all planned out... I wanted to start baby makin' on my 5th anniversary on a cruise to the Caribbean. Well, I don't really like to do the same thing more than once, and not that I'm complaining but we just went on a Caribbean cruise so I'm looking for something different, and our 5th anniversary is in December and we may celebrate this a little earlier than that. If I went on a Disney Cruise I think I'd be ok with that, but I doubt I'll be able to convince my man to do that before we have a little one.

Right now I'm thinking either bed and breakfast in the mountains, a cabin in the mountains, a Jamaican cruise for Jamacin'a-baby as my friend @Kimba told me, or some other beachy place. I'm thinking the less activities and people the better. No kids (as not to scare us out of it), so that's making me think not a cruise, but it's not completely out of the picture. And possibly someplace cold so we'll want to stay inside *wink wink nudge nudge*

I know there's probably a good chance the deed won't be said and done after the BabyMakin'Moon but it would be a fun way to start the baby makin' machine, no? And what a great way to celebrate the start of a new stage of life. It'll be memorable, that's for sure. Did you do one? What did you/ would you have done? Suggestions?

I'm actually so set on this now that I don't even want to try make a baby for real until I'm on this stinkin' babymakinmoon! Don't you love these excuses for fun things? First it was Push Presents and now Babymakinmoons, what's next?!

The "Natural" Family Planning Technique

WARNING: Some of the information contained in this post may or may not gross you out. So if you're a guy (specifically my husband) or if you find human sexual anatomy gross in any way, you may not want to read anymore. Consider yourself warned.

I've heard this called many athings. I've heard "not trying, not preventing," which in my book, IS trying--Which I may have been accused of in this post. But I beg to differ... I think people who may say "I'm not prevention at all, but leaving it up to the Lord" in turn will probably wind up pregnant, while those of us who are preventing still but say "If it still happens than maybe it was the Lord's will" is kind of a logical statement. I think if you're using SOME form of protection/prevention then you're not expecting to get pregnant. However, I do understand that my methods now may not be as effective, I'm still doing my best to stay un-pregnant.

One way I'm doing that is researching the Natural Family Planning or "NFP" method and/or the Fertility Awareness or "FAM" method. For now, I've just been mapping it all using the rhythmic method. I've been charting my days and what not and have been trying to avoid--(Ya know)--on certain days. I even downloaded a free iPhone application from Fertility Friend to keep track. It's REALLY helpful! Their website is nice too.
I've also heard of the ovulation/billings method, which seems a little more complex and takes more effort. You watch more for signs from your body, take your temperature a lot and check all sorts of nasty anatomy stuff. I bought a basal thermometer that I'm hoping to try to use, and map out my minor degree changes from day to day. If anything this should be a fun experiment right?

Here's my plan: Track as much as I can so I know what days to AVOID, and in turn, when it's baby makin' time, hopefully I'll have it down. But for now, I'll try to count and figure out the days, and keep using the magic gel (every time regardless) and hope I don't wind up pregnant for at least a few more months. I hear these methods work pretty well when used correctly.
I'm actually interested in finding more books on this topic. I know a lot of my friends tried this because they don't like hormones. Most of them are pregnant now, but I think it's because they weren't trying hard enough. At least that's what I'm telling myself so I have the confidence to make it though.

I hear this way of tracking is great for when you're TTC too because you'll know your cycle very well. Part of me doesn't get that though... Can't you just do it every day? That's one way to try to make a baby. At least that covers all of your bases! That's my plan at least.

I dunno, what do you think? Have you tried this method before? It work for you? Have any books or sites to recommend?

The Baby Makin' Machine Status Update

I know there was a lot of freak out over this post. I had been giving my updates on my whole IUD situation via Twitter and wasn't sure if I'd get around to blogging about it. I hadn't held back before so I figured why stop now?

There were a lot of questions and assumptions. One of my friends went as far as saying:

"Did I just miss something really really important-- you're OFF all forms of BC??? Wowza! That's amazing! I think I will just live vicariously through you right now because if one more person tells me right now is the perfect time for me to have a baby, I may kick them in the nuts."

Hunni, I know how you feel, and no, my baby making machine isn't "on" yet, therefore I am NOT off all forms of birth control if ya know what I mean (*wink wink nudge nudge*)

My baby makin' machine is warming up. Since The Removal, it's draining of it's old oil and getting back to it's eco-friendly state. I'm not brave enough to leave it on and running unattended yet... I'm still keeping a close watch and protecting it for now. Although I'll have to tell you I tried these and I hate it. No... I think I'm allergic or something cause it's no fun AT ALL. So instead I'm giving the NFP (which I'm going to have to do a whole 'nother post on) a little try as well as some of this.

I guess the chances of a slip up are higher now... That makes me think if a baby is what God wants me to have, he'll make it happen anyway. Although I know He can make anything happen... I've made that "anything" easier to achieve now, so "Bring it" I say, (If you want though, oh please, only if you want).

I will say though, I'm already paranoid up the Ying-Yang that I could be... Ya know--(I'm worried if I type it out it'll be true). Before, it felt like there was no chance it was gonna happen... I mean, technically there was a .01% chance, but I'm not one to beat the odds... Unless it's something bad, which in this case I guess I'm a little surprised it didn't happen. ANYWAY... Yea, I'm not sure how great that stuff mentioned above works, but I guess I'll find out in a couple of weeks... Wish me luck (no, don't wish that I'm preg--AHH I almost wrote it!).

I can feel it already... My nervousness... I have a feeling I'm going to be spending a lot of pregnancy tests again *sigh.* No No... I won't let myself. Not until I'm like 2 months late!

No, the IUD coming out did not hurt. That's an FAQ I get a lot. I heard rumors it would hurt way worse than getting it in, but I actually didn't feel a thing. A lot of people ask how I even got one before having a kid... I think it depends on your doctor. I have a couple other friends who have them too. And the biggest question of TTC?!?! And if it wasn't implied enough above, the answer is "No."

The Talk Again

Alright, I didn't think I could go back to my scheduled topics without updating my real current problem at hand... Ok, problem may be a little harsh, it feels that way but to be PC I'll call it my dilemma.

You may have remembered "The Talk" from before... Well we have a lot of those lately. They basically all go the same way:
"Baby?"
"Not now"
"Why not?" (tears)
"Cause my school, job... blah blah blah"
(more tears)
"Ok well maybe sooner rather than later"
"When?"
"I dunno"
"In two months?"
"Sure" (under the condition that he gets so far in school and gets a part-time job, which in this economy isn't easy)

We actually had this exact conversation TWICE yesterday and when we got as far as:
"Baby?"
"No"
(TEARS)
He just started laughing at me and asked "Didn't we just have this conversation?"

And it's kind of the same cycle every month right now. I'm kind of just trying to keep my cool, and send our resumes for him in secret.

I did get so ticked that I applied to be an egg donor. 'If I'm not having my kids someone might as well' was my thinking process. And I'd get $7,000. I filled out all the forms but held the stamp after reading that in rare cases something will go wrong, my ovary will swell, nearly burst and possibly need to be removed. I was still in a state of belligerence, and completed the online portion of it anyway, but I decided to hold off on sending the mailed forms. The fact that my husband HATES the idea doesn't help any. It actually makes me want to do it more.

I know I'm not talking typing rationally, but it's ok... I know I'm just a little upset, and when this all blows over I'll come to my senses.

It's just that I can't help but feel like my invisible window of opportunity is closing. I have no way of knowing that it just feels that way. I hope I'm wrong, and that when we both feel right about it we'll actually BE able to produce spawn. Oh we'd better be... Cause Lawd knows if it takes a year or two I will not be a happy wife... No Siree, not after waiting five years.

Then again I kind of blame myself. Why in the world did I get an IUD? I did this on purpose. When I got it at 20 years old I thought 'I won't want to start trying until I'm at least 25' stick it in me! Who knew three years later I'd be plotting away to get it out. I can't help but feel like it would be SO much easier if I didn't have to plan a whole ordeal to get it out. It's a lot easier to stop taking a pack of pills.

Oh... Someone asked me how I got it since I didn't have any kids... I don't think it's a requirement, just a doctor preference, I've had my checked a bunch and it's still in there just fine :)

Anyway, I'm about to go to the dentist, one of my before baby makin' must do's. So while my husband is lollygagging around, and getting his shiz together to feel "ready" to make a baby, I'm one by one, crossing of things on my baby bucket list... And hopefully, sometime this year, we'll meet on the same page.

The Talk

After my last post I really started to think... A lot. And the more I thought about it the more I talked about it, and the more I talked about it the more emotional I got. I'm not sure if my hormones are going haywire or if it's just me but my mind has shifted from thinking about "the urge" to thinking more seriously about the whole baby makin' thing. I'm looking more seriously at my baby bucket list thing now too because the time line which I pictured myself being able to complete it is quickly shrinking. That's right... You're eyes aren't betraying you, I think I really will need to start looking for one of those time lines with sperm swimming towards an egg. No, I'm not kidding if you find one let me know, I want it... Because I may be exchanging my remanding 2 years of birth control for something a little less effective. I'm not going to say when in case I change my mind tomorrow. But if I find that widget I keep talking about maybe I will. *smile* Ok, maybe not.

But I am excited, because now I feel like I have a date... A plan, and this whole parenting this is starting to feel less like an "us vs them" thing to me, and more like a reality. One thing that was left in the comments section that really struck me was "I think it's one of those things of when you're ready, you'll know," The Blond Duck said. "Kinda of like getting married. You want to be as sure as you were walking down the aisle."

That really struck home with me. Never have I been so sure about something in my life more than I'm sure of marrying my husband. I know there's a difference between being nervous and scared, and being unsure. I'm not feeling unsure, not this time--But that is scary.

Hmm, the more I think about it the more I think I may not tell you when it's baby makin' time because then there's no surprise! I like surprises! Plus, I think if I talk about it too much I'll either 1. Not be able to get pregnant for like 6 six years or 2. It will be LAME when I do, because it'll just be like "Finally... You've been talking about it forever!"

I will tell you it's not like tomorrow or anything... And if things don't take right away we'll be cool with that too. And hopefully I won't change my mind tomorrow.

Hmm, what do you think? Did you share your baby makin' timeline?

Oh, but I have to tell you a funny story but warning: it could be TMI.

When we were having this "Talk" hubby said "Well, we're going to have to start doing it more cause at this rate it would take us about eight years."